Dallas, Texas – The Institute for Creation Research (ICR) announced its scientists created a drug that turns atheists into evangelical Christians. Faithium is reported to be 100% effective and safe to use its creators say and will change the socio-political landscape of the United States of America.
Professor Andrew Canard led the research team. He faced many difficulties over the years while developing the soul-saving elixir. “I prayed a lot and finally the LORD answered, ” he said. “And now we will have a world without the godless.”
Faithium works by severing the connections of the brain’s prefrontal complex. Parts of the brain are irrevocably destroyed. The developers state the brain functions lost are but a small cost for eternal life. After all, losing the ability to critically think for oneself is the royal road to salvation.
Evangelicals leaders are ecstatic with Faithium. Recent reports show evangelical Christianity is in decline and secularism is on the rise. “If parents give their children this miracle drug, then they will be believers for life,” megachurch minister Joel Osteen said.
Some fervent believers are reported to be scheming to put Faithium in the drinking water. If they are successful, then many experts believe the entire country will become the state of Mississippi.
In related news, Marjorie Taylor Greene attacks Chinese food.
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