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Pranked! Evangelicals Put Up Statue Of Pontius Pilate

Pranked! Evangelicals Put Up Statue Of Pontius Pilate July 16, 2021


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Ulman, Missouri – This small town is home to 8oo souls. Many residents have families who lived here for generations. Once upon a time, a paper mill created jobs and the population grew to ten times that number. However, those days are long gone. The mill closed down and most people fled to nearby metropolises like Brumley and Iberia.

What has held this community together is evangelical Christianity. Ulman was recently named Most Christian Municipality by the Missouri Penny Saver. The town is famous for using what meager resources it has to fight court battles regarding its many religious liberty statutes. Among them are: refusing atheists the right to hold public office, a ban on transexual bathrooms, and officially renaming the school subject Algebra to Freedom Math.

Andrew Canard owns fifty acres in the greater Ulman area and he had enough of the town’s theocratic ways. He attended a town meeting two years ago and asked if he could erect a bronze statue of a major biblical figure from the New Testament in the town square. He would, of course, pay for the entire project 100%. Everyone present voted for the measure.

Fast forward to today and a statue of Pontius Pilate now stands proudly in the town square. The Roman governor who presided over the trial of Jesus and allowed him to be crucified sits on a horse overlooking Ulman’s one streetlight.

The evangelical elders are furious. They are demanding Mr. Canard take the monument down. However, the crafty Canard noted that they signed a contract and Pilate will remain.

“Taking the Pilate monument down would be destroying history,” Mr. Canard said. “That’s not going to happen on my watch.

In related news, this New York woman just won this year’s Quran eating contest.


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