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Texas Governor Abbott Arrests 8 Year Old

Texas Governor Abbott Arrests 8 Year Old August 11, 2021


Dallas, Texas – It seemed like another day at Huntington Elementary School. Students were opening their books and reading. Pencils were sharpened. And the lunch ladies were preparing meals. Sure, everyone had a mask on. After all, COVID was on the rise and there is more than ample data to show the virus poses a real threat to kids. A judge had said it was OK for the city to mandate masks.

And that made Texas Governor Greg Abbott one very angry Republican.

Governor Abbot tried to ban local mask mandates. He thought they were dangerous and undermined freedom and liberty. Parents’ control over their children trumped the well-being of kids in his mind. Abbott reportedly said behind closed doors, “Kids don’t vote. Do they really matter?”

The Governor decided to tour Huntington Elementary to see the tyranny of mask mandates first hand. He found it appalling. America was being stifled. It disgusted him. As traversed the halls he heard 8-year-old Andy Canard say, “Someone should spit spitballs in Governor Abbott’s eye. He’s a murderer.”

It was sedition, pure and simple.

Not many people know the Governor of Texas is officially a Texas Ranger. Abbott sprung into action and arrested the child. The third-grader was clearly correct and clearly inciting people to rebel against the authority of the Lone Star State.

Andy Canard is currently being held at an undisclosed location and waiting to see a judge. His parents have already contacted the ACLU and plan to retire early from the upcoming lawsuit.

In related news, a small town in Texas removes street lights because of freedom.


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