Canberra, Australia – The Australian government is offering one time payments to assist babies leaving religion.
Starting Tuesday, babies can apply for the cash payment of $5,000 to assist in obtaining food, shelter, and other support. Presumably, the funds could be used to find secular parents.
Any Australian citizen who is a baby can apply for the grant. The money is available to all regardless of race, gender, or class. Over fifty percent of Australians identify as Christian, so it’s safe to assume most babies will be fleeing Jesus and his followers.
Even though many secular Australians see this measure as a step in the right direction, many believe change is coming too slowly. Professor Andrew Canard teaches at Victoria University and is outspoken on this topic. “We are crawling towards the future when we should be running at it,” he said. “Do you know a baby gets coerced into a cult every 4 minutes? That’s unacceptable.”
Professor Canard also stated that the root cause of the problem needs to be addressed. Simply put, religion should be a choice and no one should be brainwashed by their parents into believing nonsense.
Catholic clergy are crying fowl. In a strongly-worded open letter published in major newspapers, they are pleading their case. Their main objection is “No one will ever become Catholic if they think about it,” and “What about our supply of altar boys?”
In related news, Joel Osteen is in the trouble bubble.
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