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Texas Republicans Make The Bible The State’s Official Bird

Texas Republicans Make The Bible The State’s Official Bird October 9, 2021


Austin, Texas –  Texas legislators voted to make the King James Bible the official bird of Texas. Governor Greg Abbott quickly signed the bill into law. The Lone Star State is now the second state in the union to have a non-bird its official feathered representative.

“We made the Bible the official book of Texas but many God-fearing Christians wanted more,” noted state representative Andrew Canard. “Next week we’re voting to make Jesus our official flower.”

The State Book Of Texas?

In what many liberals see as a violation in the separation of church and asylum, a Texas legislator filed a bill in September to make the Bible the state’s official book.

KXAN reports:

AUSTIN (KXAN) — On Wednesday, a state lawmaker filed a resolution to have the Bible designated as the official state book of Texas

The resolution, filed by State Rep. Glenn Rogers, (R-Brownwood), explains the Bible has served as a source of “wisdom and inspiration” for Texas historical figures like Davy Crockett and Sam Houston. HCR 11 also says 30 Texas governors have been sworn in with a Bible believed to have belonged to Houston.

“…. As a prominent element in the rich fabric of our Texas heritage, the Bible is truly deserving of such acknowledgment,” the resolution reads.

Arkansas Made Jesus Its Official Bird

Many evangelicals note that Texas is way behind Arkansas because that state made Jesus its official avian emissary way back in 2016.

Patheos reports:

“We don’t want any gay-birds desecrating the proud history of Arkansas,” stated William Longstreet, State Representative of the 5th District. “Homosexual avians may fly with the citizens of Vermont, but our children will be pure from the northernmockingbird’s alternative lifestyle.”

Declaring the state bird to be Jesus has left many scratching their heads. While Jesus has been called “the lamb of God” and His popular bumper sticker seems to portray the Savior as more of a fish person, state lawmakers reasoned that it would be highly improbable for anyone to have the audacity of even trying to resurrect the northern mockingbird as a state symbol.

“We’re considering invading Arkansas to teach them not to mess with Texas,” said Andrew Canard.

In related news, a new study shows Americans don’t know how to do a simple Google search.


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