Austin, Texas – Senator Ted Cruz stopped by a local school when he was attacked by the unruly Pre-K students of Mrs. Katz’s class.
“I instructed the children to mind their manners, but things escalated very quickly,” a bedraggled Mrs. Katz stated. “They’re big fans of Sesame Street.”
Senator Cruz was introduced to the students and proceeded to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
“Senator Cruz was trying to do his part and see if critical race theory was being taught to these children,” an anonymous source reported.
The train started to go off the tracks when little Mikey Ellison raised his hand and asked, “Senator Cruz, why do you hate Big Bird?”
Although Cruz seemed to be taken off guard, he did offer an answer. “Everyone on Sesame Street wants to take your parents’ guns away.” Before Mikey could follow up on the answer, Cruz plunged back into the reading material.
Madison Hart then raised her hand and stood up. She asked, “Is Elmo bad?”
Senator Cruz looked up and said, “Yes.”
And that’s when all heck broke out. Some children charged Cruz with whatever weapon they could find. One child grabbed a leg and held on for dear life and bit down hard. A confused Cruz hit the ground hard.
Mrs. Katz attempted to de-escalate the situation. “Stop, oh please, stop that,” she said half-heartedly.
It took a few seconds for security to peel the children off of the senator who said Big Bird was evil because the muppet wants kids to be vaccinated against COVID.
“The kiddos wouldn’t have attacked him if he didn’t talk smack about Elmo,” Mrs. Katz noted. “No one here speaks ill of Elmo.”
In related news, this jar of pickles is big with QAnon.
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