June 17, 2019

  Creationist Ken Ham is blaming atheists for the scientific method and the end of the golden age of Christianity known as the Dark Ages. Mr. Ham called a press conference. Reporters and other interested parties gathered in the Great Hall of the Creation Museum to listen to what he had to say. Here is an excerpt from his speech: Recently there have been rumors about the money pit I built with the help of public funds otherwise known as… Read more

June 16, 2019

  A new report out by FOX News shows five Democratic candidates polling higher than President Trump. Newsweek reports: The latest poll, conducted between June 9 and June 12, found Democratic frontrunners — former Vice President Joe Biden and Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders — each garnering 49 percent of the vote in a hypothetical head-to-head against the president. Biden fared slightly better against Trump, beating the incumbent by ten percentage points, while Sanders had a slightly smaller gap of nine… Read more

June 15, 2019

A son who is as good at throwing a football as my dad wanted me to be. Getting rid of the term mansplaining. You see, there’s no such thing. Men have every right—nay, duty—to enlighten the fairer sex on how wrong they are. For example, jokes? Women don’t do humor. Women don’t understand the nuances of a knock-knock joke like this one: Knock-knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock-knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who?… Read more

June 14, 2019

  Lake County, Florida – The organizers of Make America Straight Again (MASA) report homosexuals have infiltrated the event. The Revival Baptist Church of Orlando is managing the event. Sources inside the church state homosexual demons have possessed many attendees. God fearing homophobic men striving to fight the societal sin of homosexuality have been found engaging in acts worthy of Gaydar Magazine. What Is The Make America Straight Again Event? The Orlando Sentinel writes about MASA in the article Lake County church hosting… Read more

June 13, 2019

Washington DC – President Trump gave Polish President Andrzej Kanard a case of Trump steaks as a present. President Kanard smiled as he noted the date on the box read November 2007. Trump reassured him,“These steaks are the best fresh frozen there are.” The American commander-in-chief gave the meaty present after the two leaders signed a military deal increasing the amount of US soldiers on Polish soil by 1,000. CNN reports: The troop decision is aimed at boosting US-Poland military-to-military relationships… Read more

June 12, 2019

  Washington DC – President Trump went on an early morning tweet-storm stating that he is “too smart for their math.” This declaration was in response to 12-year-old Bobby Tittle’s tweet observing Trump’s record trade deficits, skyrocketing federal debt, and how many times the commander-in-chief was caught lying. My brain is so big. It won the election 2016. Eggheads want to tell American my brain isn’t good because of math. guess what? My brain too smart for their math. When bean… Read more

June 11, 2019

  Washington DC – Decrying the liberals who gave the Panama Canal back to the country of Panama, President Trump is demanding the US take control of waterway that connects the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. “That’s the United States’ ditch. We dug it. That hole is ours,” he told reporters. The United States has a checkered history with the Panama Canal. The area now known as Panama was part of Columbia until the US decided to support a rebellion. Once… Read more

June 10, 2019

  Stockholm, Sweden – Sweden’s parliament voted today to ban the religious indoctrination of children. It is now illegal to raise a child religiously within the confines of this Scandinavian country. The ban includes all Christian denominations, Islam, and Judaism. “Christianity,well, that was a no-brainer,” explained Swedish lawmaker Andrew Kanard. “Islam was a sticky wicket. Some think we’re racists to treat Islam in the same way we treat Christianity. It’s weird.” Many political pundits are surprised about including the Jewish faith… Read more

June 9, 2019

Washington DC – Vice President Mike Pence warned a group of Evangelicals about the dangers of “creeping gay pride.” The Vice President was the featured speaker at the prestigious Evangelicals and Eggs Breakfast. This annual event is a fundraiser for fundamentalist and creationist Ken Ham’s organization Answers in Genesis. All proceeds this year are going to a new addition to the Ark Encounter theme park. The new project is tentatively titled The Tribulation Rollercoaster. The Speech Even though the mood was festive, Vice… Read more

June 8, 2019

The Best Advice Ever is a show where guests come on and chat about the best tip they ever got regarding their job and the best advice they received on how to be a better person. Our guest is Andre Salais. He is a political strategist at Method Social Kinetics LLC and manages the Atheist Candidates Project. Besides talking about the best advice he ever got, Andre gives tips on what you should be doing right now if you want… Read more

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