July 26, 2019

Washington DC – In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) ruled Russian meddling in US elections is free speech and protected by the Constitution. Russians can now interfere with local, state, and federal elections without fear of retribution by the United States. Political scientist Professor Andrew Canard of Miskatonic University states it was only a matter of time before this was going to happen: We live in a country where corporations give millions of dollars to… Read more

July 25, 2019

  VATICAN CITY – The signal came early Monday morning as black-and-white striped smoke rose from the Sistine Chapel chimney.  After months of intense prayer, negotiation, and taste tests, the decision had at last been made. The Vatican had chosen a new official communion wafer bakery: The Keebler Cookie Co. “It’s a match made in Heaven,” said Keebler Sound Bite Director Marie Corso. “The Catholic Church is currently a leading force in snack distribution and transubstantiation, while Keebler’s expertise lies… Read more

July 24, 2019

HOW TO TURN NEGATIVE ATTITUDES TO POSITIVE: 7-9 pm, church basement. Minister Andrew Canard teaches Christ-centered affirmations. Examples include Jesus made me white, and I’m sooo blessed and I’m not racist, but… ALT-RIGHT STORYTIME: 10-11 am, church sanctuary. Assistant Minister Jack Myer preaches and teaches valuable lessons to the kids with great Bible stories. Make sure your kids know the real message behind the parable of the Good Samaritan. FARM SPROUTS: 10:30 – 11:30 am, community garden. Help build a healthy foundation for… Read more

July 23, 2019

Washington DC – Evangelical ministers are selling Trump’s Bronzed Presidential Poo to true believers. For $19.99 you too can own a bit of history with a lump of crap straight from President Trump’s butthole. White House intern Andy Canard collects the poo. He reports President Trump’s diet of McDonald’s is quite conducive for poo formation. “The man creates a lot of crap,” Andy said. “Whenever I’m done processing a poo, it’s time to collect more.” Even though there is an epic… Read more

July 22, 2019

  Ian Harris is a skeptical comedian and MMA coach. He sits down and chats about the best professional advice he ever got. Later, he reflects on being an atheist and talks about what helps him be a more moral person. This is a great chat! I hope you enjoy it! You can also watch the video on YouTube! Here is Ian’s site!   The Democratic Party is the party that will enact policies that will help the country get… Read more

July 21, 2019

Washington DC – The White House issued a statement saying President Trump is taking a leadership role in crafting a new U.S. citizenship test. The comander-in-chief is personally crafting 100 new questions that will make up the exam. The U.S. citizenship test first started in 1986 under President Ronald Reagan. It was later modified in 2008. In the past, the exam featured questions like What does the Constitution do? and Name one branch or part of the government. Anonymous White House… Read more

July 20, 2019

Washington DC – Republican lawmakers are coming out of the closet and telling the world they will not be the victims of verbal abuse anymore. For too long, they argue, their enemies have been slurring their good names with the word racist. “Prominent Republicans were kicked off Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, the deli line at Stop’n Save, and, yes, even the Myspace after being called racist,” Georgia Representative Andrew Canard said. “It’s time we make that word our own.” Republicans are… Read more

July 19, 2019

A new report by the Catholic watchdog group Aegis reveals Christians are being persecuted at disturbing rates in the United States of America. Catholics in particular are being targeted by state, local, and federal governments. To make matters worse, nongovernmental organizations are also partaking in the abuse. ”You don’t need to see the report,” explained Aegis head Father Andrew Canard. “Turn on the news and it’s right there in your face.” The report paints a grim picture of Christian persecution:… Read more

July 18, 2019

  Andy’s Follies #36 The Spotlight Effect is a lesson on our species’ tendency to bathe in narcissism. Check it out. As always, Patrons can see the bonus panel over here! My name is… Buy it here!     Read more

July 17, 2019

President Trump released his own translation of the Bible last April. Laughing in Disbelief reported the story: The Donald Trump Version (DTV) Bible is on sale now in many retail stores and online. For $59.95 the faithful can own the holy book of Christians translated by President Trump. The DTV contains 39 books of the Old Testament, 27 books of the New Testament, and the classic Trump: The Art of the Deal.  Here are 5 popular Bible verses in their… Read more

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