March 24, 2019

  Billy ‘Spamburger’ Tucker is ready to follow Jesus’ teaching of turning the other cheek while fully armed with an ArmaLite AR-15 rifle. ”Jesus said to turn the other cheek, and I can do that,” Billy told friends at the Pig and Whistle Bar. “After I turn the cheek, my AR-15 is going to shoot them with 223 Remington blessings.” Mr. Spamburger’s friends voiced they were all thankful for living in a state where a fully operational assault-style weapon could be… Read more

March 23, 2019

  Washington DC – President Donald J. Trump is selling signed copies of the Bible at his online Trump Store. The holy books appeared early this week. Initial sales are reported to be robust. Customers may purchase signed copies of various translations of the good book. The King James Bible is supposedly the biggest seller followed by the Catholic Bible. The Children’s Bible takes third place. Andrew Canard manages the Trump Store. He’s ecstatic. “We’re selling all types of White House… Read more

March 22, 2019

  Washington DC – Following such Twitter related mishaps like Nambia, covfefe, and hamberder, President Trump’s latest tweet didn’t quite hit the mark. John McCain is dead. Cancer shot him out of the sky like a Russian rocket. His fans say he’s thumbs up. Never. His chumbs will always be down, down, down. The Twittersphere reacted as expected. Reasonable people mocked Trump’s abuse of the English language and the memory of Senator John McCain. Fans of the President insisted the word chumbs… Read more

March 21, 2019

  Washington DC – Vice President Pence came out of the linguistic closet today when he refused to utter the words Homo sapiens. He was the keynote speaker at the Conference of American Scientists. Insiders state President Trump specifically sent him there to get him out of the White House. “President Trump thinks he’s a downer,” an anonymous source stated. “It weirds him out when Pence calls his wife Mother.” During the meet and greet Professor Andrew Canard from Taradiddle University asked… Read more

March 20, 2019

  Lordstown, Ohio – President Trump is traveling to the GM plant in this village of 3,417 souls. His goal is to put the breath of life back into the failed manufacturing center. The commander-in-chief isn’t saying how he’s going to keep the factory that makes the Chevy Cruz open. However, he is making big promises: Lordstown is the apple of America’s eye. The Union is putting its finger in that eyeball. The GM Cruz lives! Lordstown will big! I’m going… Read more

March 19, 2019

  The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) and the American League of Catholic Bishops are demanding apologies for HBO’s documentary Leaving Neverland. Leaving Neverland is a disturbing look at two men’s stories of sexual abuse at the hands of pop icon Michael Jackson. The incidences occurred when they were small boys. Mr. Jackson groomed them for exploitation and proceeded to sexually abuse the children. In depth interviews with the victims and their families paint a dark picture of a pedophile… Read more

March 18, 2019

  Washington DC – Representative  Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was arrested in her office early this morning on the charges of witchcraft. The arrest warrant states the Democratic legislator ‘put hexes’ on President Trump and other members of the administration. “One witch down and at least one Pelosi to go,” quipped Department of Anti-Witchcraft (DAW) Chief Andrew Canard. “Seriously, there are  a lot of witches on my list.” The DAW is responding to charges of witchcraft leveled at Ocasio-Cortez by Dave Kubal, president of… Read more

March 17, 2019

  Washington DC – President Trump’s budget aims to fund billions of taxpayer dollars to evangelical research institutions. Trump’s 2020 budget proposal cuts most science funding. The Union of Concerned Scientists explain: The president’s budget also signals his clear antipathy towards action on climate change, with a host of cuts to climate research, adaptation, and even energy efficiency and renewable energy. These include: Completely eliminating the EPA’s Global Climate Change Research Office Cutting the Climate Adaptation Science Center in the Department of… Read more

March 15, 2019

Washington DC – President Trump went on Twitter today, and ranted about the clear and present dangers no one is talking about — witches, socialism, and sea otters. Socialism is destroying Venezuela. Witches threaten to wreck ‘God bless America.’ Sea otters want reparations. I am fighting for YOU. America. #MAGA Trump Unravels Many political insiders believe Trump is buckling under pressure. Politico reports how Republican lawmakers are taking a stand against the commander-in-chief: After more than two years of keeping his… Read more

March 14, 2019

Trae Crowder is the Liberal Redneck. He’s a comedian and has a new video out, Liberal Redneck – Rich Kids, Poor Parents, and the Least Surprising Scandal Ever. Here are a few words of hope in this time of darkness. Enjoy. I’m inspired. I’m going to empty my kids’ college savings and give it to a white rich kid so they can have one heck of a sweet 16 party.   Did you enjoy this post? How about buying the writer… Read more

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