July 11, 2019

Hollywood, CA – Movie goers and critics are giving Midsommar rave reviews. Many consider this horror movie taking place in broad daylight as an innovative spin on the genre by writer/director Ari Aster. One critic remarked, “I’ll never look at jazz hands the same way.” Ivanka Trump is telling the world she’s looking forward to reprising her role as the main character Dani when Midsommar II begins production. The problem is, Ms. Trump doesn’t appear in the movie currently in theaters. Dani… Read more

July 10, 2019

LYNCHBURG, VA – Lynchburg’s hospitality market received a massive cash infusion last weekend as Liberty University hosted the Committee for Righteous Enlightenment and Education of Pluralistic Youth’s annual “Leadership & Integrity” conference. “We spared no expense in providing amenities for our honored guests,” said Liberty University president, Jerry Falwell, Jr. “Godly people shouldn’t have to settle for anything less than the best. Except Jesus. …But that was a different time.” Presentations began Friday evening and continued through a to-capacity worship… Read more

July 9, 2019

Brett Johnson is a comedian with a one-man show titled Poly-Theist. Here’s a bit about the show from Brett’s site: His one-man show “Poly-Theist” premiered December 2018. It’s about him being a married 21-year-old monogamous Evangelical, then the opposite, so of course it’s a whole thing. It’s been performed in Chicago, Pittsburgh, Harvard University + a dozen other spots and hits the 2019 Edinburgh Fringe in August. ‘A uniquely poignant story, with humor and deep sensitivity…a thought-provoking and ultimately inspiring… Read more

July 9, 2019

  Hello, and welcome to the Smithsonian Flat Earth Museum. My name is Ali, and I’ll be your tour guide. Seeing that it’s opening day, we’re going to have a large group. We’ll wait for a few more seconds before exploring the wonders of flat Earth. FYI, there are many visitors learning about the correct shape of the earth for the first time. Please be patient. Some of you may be veteran “flatties” and forget the different stages “spheroiders” go… Read more

July 8, 2019

Topeka, Kansas – Warren Avenue Baptist Church is stirring the evangelical pot with its Golden Dawkins statue. Parishioners believed they struck a blow against the evils of evolution and “snobby accents.” The Genesis Of An Idea The statue of Richard Dawkins, the world renowned biologist and best selling author, was the direct result of divine intervention explained the spiritual head of Warren Avenue Baptist Church, Reverend Andrew Canard: God spoke to me a few weeks ago. I was writing a sermon… Read more

July 7, 2019

Rekyavik, Iceland – Iceland’s government altered its school curriculum during the summer recess. When students return in the fall, fifth grade pupils will find a class dedicated to Christopher Hitchens’ 2007 classic God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything. The course’ description includes “Answering the need to inoculate young minds against the tyranny of faith.” A Snapshot Of Iceland And ’God Is Not Great’ Iceland’s Prime Minister Andrew Kinard stated the reason behind the class: A quick look at American evangelical… Read more

July 6, 2019

Washington DC – Coming off his military parade dedicated to life, liberty, and the pursuit of reasonably priced trophy wives President Trump went on Twitter and blasted the plant-based Impossible Burger for the recent California earthquakes. Beef is as American as Mom and McDonald’s apple pie. Impossible burger is an unnatural impossibility and that’s why we got earthquakes, folks. Jesus threw out the gamblers who played the cheap tables at Temple Casino. He’s tossing out plant burgers now. Residents of Southern… Read more

July 5, 2019

  President Trump held his military parade yesterday. Like many of you, I didn’t watch the parade because I was busy enjoying the classic July 4th movie, Jaws. In case you don’t know, the 1975 blockbuster takes place on July 4th. The movie depicts George Washington, played by Roy Schneider, fighting off King George the III who happened to be a Great White Shark. Now that may not seem, well, factual. But in the Land of Trump facts are barriers… Read more

July 3, 2019

20. Kim Jong-un reading the Declaration of Independence minutes before the parade starts. 19. A tribute to all the women not pretty enough for President Trump to sexually harass. 18. Border Patrol Patriot Agents and their Facebook group of Freedom parade float. 17. Tiki torches specially fitted with sparklers. 16. A forty gun salute to the Supreme Court and gerrymandering. 15. The NRA’s marching band celebrating the end of school shooter season. 14. The evangelical Christian clown car. 13. Tanks. Tanks. And more tanks adorned with… Read more

July 2, 2019

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