October 4, 2019

A new study from Miskatonic University shows that people who didn’t understand the 1999 fan favorite flick Fight Club won’t understand the new movie Joker. The study titled Oh My God, Why Do I Read These Stupid Movie Reviews By People Who Don’t Get It? questioned 2,832 people who never understood Fight Club’s socio-political message. Participants who loved the idea of watching men hit each other and then went to Banana Republic to load up on khakis were 88% likely to… Read more

October 3, 2019

United Nations, New York City – The World Health Organization (WHO) presented an alarming report to the General Assembly regarding the epidemic number of street brawls between Americans and their British cousins. The cause? President Donald Trump and Brexit. “Between 2017 and 2018, we saw a spike in the number of fisticuffs in bars, pubs, and watering holes,” stated lead author Professor Andrew Canard of United Kingdom University. “With Brexit looming and the probable impeachment of President Trump, things are getting… Read more

October 2, 2019

Washington DC – With House Democrats lodging subpoenas at the White House, President Trump is defending on Twitter his “perfect phone call” with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. In an odd turn of events, Trump stated he was executing his role as commander-in-chief by ensuring America’s source of Ukrainium is secure. The Ukraine is America’s only source for Ukrainium. Hunter Biden enmeshed himself with our enemies to steal our Ukrainium. Ukraine has it. We need it. Biden was working for enemy! #Witchhunt… Read more

October 1, 2019

Reykjavik, Iceland – A deadline for atheists living outside Iceland to request Icelandic nationality has expired with 87,000 applications. Late applications are being accepted for another 30 days if those parties are suffering from acts of God. Atheists from around the world sent in their paperwork. Some were simply seeking better lives for themselves and their families. Others were fleeing from persecution in their home countries. “I know there are atheists in Middle Eastern countries who may get killed for their… Read more

September 30, 2019

From the Center of Inquiry’s International Blasphemy Day page: International Blasphemy Rights Day, held each year on September 30, is a day to show solidarity with those who challenge oppressive laws and social prohibitions against free expression, to support the right to challenge prevailing religious beliefs without fear of violence, arrest, or persecution. International Blasphemy Rights Day is observed every September 30 to commemorate the publishing of the Jyllands-Posten Muhammad cartoons, which angered religious believers around the world, many of… Read more

September 29, 2019

  I tweeted the other day to SNL. I suggested Bernie Sanders (Larry David) and President Trump (Alec Baldwin) should get into fight at a deli because Trump wants mayo on his pastrami sandwich. Needless to say, I didn’t get a response. Even though they didn’t take my idea, the opening skit Impeachment Cold Open is worthy of the first skit in this season of Saturday Night Live. From the description: With the threat of impeachment looming, Donald Trump (Alec Baldwin)… Read more

September 27, 2019

  Washington DC – With House Democrats closing in on Trump, the President is blowing into each and every dog whistle at his disposal to silence the whistleblower. “Trump’s goal is to be so loud no one will pay attention to the charges that he squeezed the President of Ukraine for dirt on Joe Biden,” stated Professor Andrew Canard of Miskatonic University. “Dog whistles may do the trick.” Racist dog whistles have a long history in the United States of America…. Read more

September 26, 2019

Washington DC –  Even while the specter of impeachment hangs over the White House, President Trump is on the attack. Today he called 16-year-old Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg “a 4.” It’s getting colder. September people! Climate warming is a hoax by socialists and China. Greta, no one will ever listen to your scrunchy face. You’re a 4. And people don’t listen to 4s. #MAGA Many analysts see Trump’s ranking Greta Thunberg as a 4 on the 1-10 attractability scale… Read more

September 25, 2019

  Professor Allan Lichtman wrote The Keys to the White House: A Surefire Guide to Predicting the Next President . He’s accurately predicted presidential elections since 1984. Professor Lichtman wrote a piece for the Daily News. Impeachment matters no matter what the Senate does: Democrats shouldn’t wring their hands over whether Republicans will agree to oust Trump. As the title suggests, the time for indecision is over. Democrats should impeach Trump whole-heartedly. Professor Lichtman argues that impeaching Trump makes sense “morally, constitutionally, and politically.”… Read more

September 24, 2019

Professor Phil Zuckerman author of What It Means to Be Moral: Why Religion Is Not Necessary for Living an Ethical Life sits down with Jack and Andy and discusses morality, a few scientific studies, and Nazis. Because how can you talk about anything these days without bringing up Nazis? Professor Zuckerman teaches at Pitzer College. He’s written several books, and works at educating students and the public about secularism. Here is a bit from his bio page: Phil writes a regular blog… Read more

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