April 11, 2019

  Washington DC – Republican Senator Andrew Canard took to the floor of the United States Senate and decried the evils of racism. His main target were black holes. “Black holes? What about white holes? Don’t all holes matter?” Senator Canard argued. “The black hole community is trying to divide us. We must be united!” His defense of the sanctity of color neutral holes comes in response to the celebrity black hole that’s in the news. The Event Horizon Telescope  (EHT) took… Read more

April 10, 2019

Here is Andy’s Follies #32. The comic looks at the equivocation fallacy. Let’s take a gander!   I love that Abbott and Costello bit Who’s on First? When I was a middle schooler there were times I’d skip church so I could watch an Abbott and Costello movie. Did comedy pave my way to atheism? Maybe. As always, Patron supporters get to see the bonus panel. This one explores the equivocation fallacy in a deeply dysfunctional way. Here’s my Patreon… Read more

April 10, 2019

Washington DC – President Trump attacked IMPEACH: The Card Slap Game today. He is threatening the maker, Stable Genius Gaming, with a variety of government actions. The Incident White House insiders state the President first found out about the game yesterday. After enjoying a #1 McDonald’s meal for lunch, the commander-in-chief sauntered about the White House for a few minutes. Aides state Trump likes to wander about before sitting down and watching FOX News and reruns of Two Broke Girls. However, Donald’s… Read more

April 9, 2019

  In a recent poll 79% of American evangelicals believe seeking Jesus is the most importing thing to do. Seeking out high quality healthcare, gun control, clean water, good education, universal basic income, a proper diet, clean air, and a President who isn’t undermining democracy are just not as necessary. Conducting The Research Professor Canard from the Theological Institute Of Technology (TIT) is the mastermind behind the scientific poll. His group of researchers randomly selected 13,003 Americans who self identify as… Read more

April 8, 2019

Saturday Night Live takes a stab at Joe Biden’s predilection for touching in this video Joe Biden Cold Open – SNL If you’re not aware of the backstory here is a sliver from The New Yorker article Joe Biden and the Perils of Good Intentions: What’s changed is not the severity or nature of the offenses—no one has accused Biden of sexual misconduct. It’s just that the voices narrating the scenes have switched, so that we’re looking at the same gestures through… Read more

April 8, 2019

Reverend Andrew Canard of the First Baptist Church of Toyah, Texas proclaimed not only is the Earth flat but so is heaven. He made this bold proclamation in his recent Sunday sermon titled On Flat Earth as it is in Flat Heaven.  “I believe that children are our future,” he said. “Teach them well and lead the way. And the way is Jesus and flat heaven and Earth.” The Flat Earth Revelation Many in the congregation admitted they never thought if… Read more

April 7, 2019

Washington DC – Paula White, President Trump’s spiritual advisor and personal pastor, reassured the GOP faithful by saying, “There are no windmills in heaven.” This bold statement comes on the heels of President Trump calling into question the health and environmental effects of windmills: Trump: And they say the noise causes cancer. You told me that one, OK.” (Then he made circles with his hands and a noise with his mouth.) “You know the thing makes so…” Trump: “… and of course… Read more

April 5, 2019

Republicans love to hate Representative Alexandria Ocadio-Cortez. The Washington Post Post describes the phenomenon: Ocasio-Cortez’s favorability rating among Republicans has gone from a net rating of -47 in September after she won her surprising primary victory to -68 now. Only five percent of Republicans like her, while 73 percent dislike her (and only 15 percent say they haven’t heard of her). Fewer Democrats have opinions about her; among them, she rates 56 percent favorable and 15 percent unfavorable. Might these… Read more

April 4, 2019

  Las Vibras, Texas – Locals are waking up to a strange sight. Hundreds of Border Collies and there Border Patrol Agents descended on their hamlet in the middle of the night. Their mission is from President Trump — Go to the border and herd illegal aliens away from the United States of America. “Australia used Border Collies to keep illegals away from their Great Barrier Reef Wall,” President Trump told FOX News. “We’re doing the same. And guess what? They… Read more

April 3, 2019

  Washington DC – Barron Trump was detained by police early this morning. The thirteen-year-old is still in custody. President Trump and mom Melania were notified within minutes of the incident taking place. The youngest son of the commander-in-chief is to be released after questioning. Sources within the Washington DC police department report a concerned Trump supporter called 911. The caller was in shock and dismay. Barron Trump was assisting a little old lady across the street. It appeared the woman was… Read more

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