August 4, 2019

It was the first Saturday in August, and that meant it was National Mustard Day. Campaigning to keep his seat, Kentucky Senator “Moscow Mitch” McConnell gulped down pints of French’s Mustard Ice Cream. The mustard ice cream incident occurred at the St. Jerome Church’s Political BBQ, which happens to occur on National Mustard Day every year. ”I’m a real person,” Moscow Mitch explained to the dismayed crowd. “Real boys love mustard and devour ice cream, right?” Observers report Senator Soviet… Read more

August 2, 2019

New York City – New York City police arrested President Donald Trump yesterday afternoon. The reason? The President locked the United States of America in his car with the windows rolled up for hours in the middle of summer. “Police have the power to break car windows to save animals locked in cars when it’s hot out,” stated NYPD officer Andrew Canard. “I saw the country stuck in there, and to tell you the truth it didn’t look good. So, yeah, I… Read more

August 1, 2019

  Here we are with Andy’s Follies #37. I hope you enjoy it. As always, patrons can see the bonus panel on my Patreon page! Making these comics is fun and beneficial for me. Not only do I get to entertain, but the way I talk to people has shifted. Recently, I was talking about a delicate topic with a coworker when they what abouted me. I patiently identified what they were doing, and we were able to move on… Read more

July 31, 2019

Enterprise, Alabama – Reverend Andrew Canard of Warren Avenue Baptist Church is selling lottery tickets to true believers.  For $20 a God fearing Christian gets a chance of securing their spot in Heaven. “The Catholic Church sells indulgences to help you get to the pearly gates,” explained Reverend Canard. “Baptists can do better than that! I call my lottery Afterlife Lucky.” Afterlife Lucky is a game where a player picks 8 numbers from one to one hundred. They also pick a Thoughts… Read more

July 30, 2019

  Howie Hawkins is a presidential candidate for the Green Party. In this episode of the Naked Diner Podcast Jack Matirko and Andy Hall sit down and chat with him. For those of you unacquainted with the Green Party, this episode is a great introduction! And for those of you first hearing about Howie Hawkins here is a bit from his bio page: From the start, he was committed to independent working-class politics for a democratic, socialist, and ecological society. He… Read more

July 29, 2019

YouTuber and friend of the Naked Diner Podcast Thomas Westbrook created the video, Christopher Hitchens vs. Jordan Peterson | Debating about Religion, Morality, & Culture, where Christopher Hitchens debates woo-master extraordinaire Jordan Peterson. Jordan Peterson likes to dress his arguments with mythological mumbo-jumbo which is designed to fool the ignorant into believing idiocy (the classic strategy of Christian propagandists). Even though Hitchens is still quite dead, he’s able to Hitchslap Peterson’s feeble attempts to use worn out bullet points against atheists… Read more

July 28, 2019

  Brockton MA – Andy Hall, a local man, was rushed to an area hospital after learning it is quite possible neither Democratic nor Republican presidential candidate may win the 270 electoral votes to become President of the United States in 2020. ”Andy was playing around with the interactive map on 270towin.com when he realized something was horribly wrong,” explained his girlfriend. “He showed me his map. It was terrifying.” If Pennsylvania goes red while Wisconsin and Michigan go the… Read more

July 26, 2019

Washington DC – In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) ruled Russian meddling in US elections is free speech and protected by the Constitution. Russians can now interfere with local, state, and federal elections without fear of retribution by the United States. Political scientist Professor Andrew Canard of Miskatonic University states it was only a matter of time before this was going to happen: We live in a country where corporations give millions of dollars to… Read more

July 25, 2019

  VATICAN CITY – The signal came early Monday morning as black-and-white striped smoke rose from the Sistine Chapel chimney.  After months of intense prayer, negotiation, and taste tests, the decision had at last been made. The Vatican had chosen a new official communion wafer bakery: The Keebler Cookie Co. “It’s a match made in Heaven,” said Keebler Sound Bite Director Marie Corso. “The Catholic Church is currently a leading force in snack distribution and transubstantiation, while Keebler’s expertise lies… Read more

July 24, 2019

HOW TO TURN NEGATIVE ATTITUDES TO POSITIVE: 7-9 pm, church basement. Minister Andrew Canard teaches Christ-centered affirmations. Examples include Jesus made me white, and I’m sooo blessed and I’m not racist, but… ALT-RIGHT STORYTIME: 10-11 am, church sanctuary. Assistant Minister Jack Myer preaches and teaches valuable lessons to the kids with great Bible stories. Make sure your kids know the real message behind the parable of the Good Samaritan. FARM SPROUTS: 10:30 – 11:30 am, community garden. Help build a healthy foundation for… Read more

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