It is not exactly a new observation to note the increasing coarseness of our society. We speak more brusquely, use harsher language, are more willing to use abusive language, and frankly are meaner to each other than we have been in a long time. We are just not nice. In fact, the term “nice” is not even seen as a compliment anymore. Once upon a time, calling someone “nice” meant that they were kind, generous, or had a gracious spirit. Now calling someone “nice” may mean that they are weak, not strong enough to push back, or even that they have no particular interesting qualities. No, we value forceful. We value those who state their opinion even if they do so in a way that is overly harsh. We call them “strong.” We say that they have good “boundaries.” Unfortunately, they can also be just plain mean.
The internet has the amazing ability to amplify human tendencies. When it comes to being coarse, the internet has amplified that human tendency also. When on Facebook, we argue long and hard about our political or cultural opinions, and it often costs us relationships. On Twitter, when people are getting abused for an opinion they have posted it is called “dragging.” Name-calling is the norm. If you take the time to read the comments on an online discussion, you will invariably find something cruel.
If abusive language were just in the domain of political and cultural issues, it would still be bad, but it would not give us cause to wonder about what is happening to us as a people. Abusive language, however, is pervasive. Those of you who know me know that I love the guitar. I have played since I was 16 (although there was a long hiatus). Playing is how maintain my calm and reclaim my center. My brain is a torrent of thoughts. It is always at work. Frankly, it can be exhausting. The only thing I have ever found that can silence the thought avalanche in my head is playing the guitar. So, I play as often as I can. Although I love the instrument, I have to note that its use is on the wane. In fact, many have predicted the death of guitar music. Even those who take up the instrument often end up quitting. In fact, the CEO of Fender Guitar has stated 90% of all new guitarists quit within the first year. One reason people quit—other guitarists. When beginners post videos of themselves playing abusive comments regularly follow. When teachers post lessons for new guitarists, they are regularly treated with comments like, “people who need instructions on this can hand in their guitar now,” and “If you can’t do that, go play tennis. There are enough hacks out there.”[1] In short, bad behavior is killing the use of a fine instrument.
It isn’t just guitarists who struggle with the coarsening of our culture, it affects travelers too. Some years ago, Molly and I were traveling on vacation. Getting our luggage through customs was difficult, and with the number of bags we had, I needed to use one of the luggage carts. With the luggage piled high and our time to get to our gate getting short, I jerked the heavy cart forward. I was hoping my pulling would create momentum and I could move quickly. I had no such luck. Instead of creating forward momentum, the sudden pull created a weight shift. The bags, already leaning like the Tower of Pisa, fell over. You know what happened? No one volunteered to help. A large crowd was there to notice noticed the problem, and they just stared. With a little bit of embarrassment, I started to stack the bags back up. Instead of hearing offers to help, I heard snickers. Apparently, my gaffe was worthy of a chuckle. In a kinder time, we would offer to help in a situation like that.
In religious life, the practice of meanness is just as common. Any well-known minister will likely have the experience of websites devoted to how evil they are. There is a website where beloved author Max Lucado has been called an “apostate.” There are multiple websites devoted to demonstrating that he is a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” Beth Moore gets similar abuse. There is a whole legion of people on twitter who attack almost every tweet of hers. Shockingly much of the abusive language comes from believers. It makes me glad I’m not famous! It is important to be clear. There is a time to oppose false teaching. There is a time where disagreements of Biblical and theological matters are important. There is never, however, a time for abusive language.
Paul, the great writer of much of the New Testament, was involved in many theological controversies. He was involved in a controversy with the churches of Corinth and Galatia. He had passionate disagreements with Barnabas and Peter. Even still, Paul could write these words, “Be kind and compassionate to one another. . .” (Eph 4:32)
From the perspective of the Gospel, it is not the persons who reject being nice that are closest to God. It is not the ones who say what they mean without regard to other’s feelings who model following Jesus the best. It is the ones who act in love. Love is, among other things, kind.
Imagine a world that was more interested in kindness than expression. Imagine reading words of encouragement rather than words of condescension in your online interactions. If you would like a world like that, you can start by being kind. If someone says something online that you disagree with, you can always just scroll by. If you feel the need to respond, you can respond in grace. While you may not change the entire world by your example, you can change your world by your practice. Being kind is a very good thing.
[1]https://www.guitarworld.com/features/the-biggest-threat-to-the-guitar-it-could-well-be-guitarists-how-online-hate-endangers-the-instrument-we-love
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