When I was a small child, Valentine’s Day was a big deal. Though I hadn’t yet discovered the joys of romance, I recall my excitement at going to the store with my Mom, buying two packs of valentines for fifty cents, and then writing notes to all my classmates and my teacher, who got a special one, especially if I had a crush on her. The cards’ messages were pithy and to the point: “Be my Valentine” or “Be Mine” with a bee flying across the heart; “You’re Sweet,” or “I’m stuck on you.” It was fun to give but just as fun to receive these tokens of admiration and relationship.
Nowadays, I only give valentines to a few select people, with clear designations of the nature of our relationship, and save the best one for my wife and companion Kate. But, still, there is wisdom in giving and receiving valentines – to me it involves the blessing of small things; and small acts of blessing that can make all the difference in the world, most especially on a moment by moment and daily basis or when friends or relations feel alone and in pain.
Today, I see valentines as spiritual and relational blessings. Valentines can be like sacraments, visible symbols of an enlivening, ubiquitous, and invisible grace. I see them as affirmations of persons and our relationships to them. In their own simple way, they consecrate the ordinary and everyday encounters we have with trades people, checkout persons, letter carriers, friends, relatives, partners, and spouses. They even, symbolically, bless the interactions we have with phone solicitors and people with whom we do business on the internet. They proclaim that “you are important” and “you matter to me.”
Blessing is at the heart of the spiritual life, and thinking of our encounters as spiritual valentines can transform the way we look at others, the mundane and quotidian events of life, and the simple encounters that make up every day. They can change our relationships because they remind us that every encounter – even challenging ones – provides an opportunity to add to the well-being, joy, and healing of the persons with whom we spend the day.
I call this practice “valentines of the spirit.” Another word would be “blessing.” And, everyone needs a blessing, from Mae Mobley in “The Help,” a neglected child who is told by Abilene, “you is smart…you is important…you is special” to a spouse or partner who is waiting to hear the words “I love you” or a friend delighted to receive an unexpected email or phone call just to say, “I’m thinking of you.”
Blessing is simply the act of wishing another well, of noting their worth, proclaiming it, and affirming them that they are loved, accepted, and embraced just as they are. Remember the story from the New Testament: children were coming to Jesus, the adults hindered them, but Jesus commanded them to bring the children to him, and he laid his hands on them and blessed them. I suspect Jesus was conveying a word of grace and with that word, healthy and life-transforming energy, the same energy that flowed from him to cure a woman who was plagued by a chronic gynecological illness (a flow of blood).
Blessing welcomes, empowers, awakens, and invites us to believe that we belong on this good earth, we are of value, and that we can do great things – or, Mother Teresa says – ordinary things in extraordinary ways. Every encounter can be a valentine’s exchange in which we give another positive and life affirming energy – “you are God’s beloved and I affirm your life” – and in which we open to receive the gifts of others. We need to give and accept affirmations to find fullness and joy in life.
You can think of each day as a Valentine’s Day and each encounter as a valentine’s exchange. Pray and bless with your hands and words, and open to the energy of love you receive from others. Blessed Valentine’s Day!
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