Strong Women

Girl Dad 

I am a girl dad. I have been one for 21 years. Four girls. Badass women of strength, courage and love. My wife is pretty badass too. She is working on her Master’s degree right now.  

I am surrounded by strong women, mostly, two of my kids are out of the home for college right now.  

When I was a young pastor, my wife and I were really into Proverbs 31 (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+31%3A10-+31&version=NRSVUE) and while I am a lifetime away from that 24-year-old pastor and I do not hold the same patriarchal values that I used to apply to this text, I think there are some parts that still apply today. This however is not going to be a rehash of old sermons on this, I think we need a fresh new look.  

Proverbs is part of the Jewish scripture known as the Ketuvim and was possibly written somewhere around the time between the 7th and 4th century BCE. What we must consider here is the role of women for this culture as the words were not written for us modern folk in mind.  

A Historical Context 

Ancient Israel was a patriarchal society. A woman’s experience in this system was varied depending on which century we are looking at. It is agreed that a woman’s life centered on her family.  

While there were boundaries placed on where a woman could appear, women engaged in commercial transactions and could own lands and bring cases to court.  

Women during this time appear to have been able to attend religous ceremonies The religious lives of ordinary Jewish women are difficult to reconstruct. Jewish texts from the period, written exclusively by men, offer little information about the experience of actual, historical Women shared many religious obligations with men, but were exempt from many significant time-bound commandments, for example regular play at a fixed time.  

Looking at what we find in the New Testament period, we can see Jesus continue these same traditions in the way he is described how he treats women.  

If we expand our views to Islam, we will see very similar orientations around the role of women. It is to be noted, that what we often see in popular media is a radicalized view of Islam and does not always reflect the traditional views one may observe in a traditional Islamic home.  

In its context, Proverbs 31 is an exclamation of how much less stress the writer feels to not have to worry about his home so that he can go about the work that he needs to complete in society. It is not a script for how a woman should act for her husband to make him a better husband. This is broadly a modern interpretation and has no bearing on the cultural aspect of this piece of scripture. Both husband and wives have jobs in respect of their position in their societies. Hers is to run the household and his is to run society. Today, however, it is different. Both can run society, and BOTH can stay home and run the home. There is no prescription in the bible that states that for modern people, that a man does one thing, and that woman does the other.  

In marriage work, I teach couples to learn how to mutually work together to run their homes and life so that they can build up each other and their marriage and families.  

Empowering Women 

Friday was International Women’s Day. Every day, I am surround by women, at my office and in my home. I wake up to currently 2-3 beautiful women and I end my day with several awesome women. Women have given me some of the best direction in my life.  

It feels like a woman’s role today continues to be constricted by ignorance and a culturally appropriated message lifted from select passages from the Bible. A woman’s place is to not only to be an ally with her partner but also to be a strong independent force on her own.  

As a girl dad, I have watched my strong girls grow to strong woman. I have both taken a back seat and have been an ally in their growth. As men of faith, we must do the same for the strong women in our lives.  

Here are five ways we can empower the women in our lives: 

Be a better listener. In therapy speak, this is learning how to actively listen. Here, you are doing more than listening, you are hearing what is being said and asking open-ended questions, clarifying questions and making affirming statements. 

Encourage independence. A key response I coach couples when trying to navigate a problem their partner is having, is this “do you need me to fix or do you need me to listen?” 

Secondly, when my wife decided she wanted to go after her Master’s, I was all in and threw all of my support after her. When she struggles, I can offer her some of my experiences, but mostly, it is encouraging her to lean on her own abilities and not be afraid to try something different.  

Check your stereotypes and biases. I have worked in a lot of small towns and still live in small towns. I will gladly call someone out when they say, “You know how women are”. Change starts when we stop being complacent.  

Expressing care and gratitude. Encouragement begins at home. Show your appreciation to the girls and women in your life. A thank-you note, a helping hand, or a heartfelt conversation can make a world of difference. 

Advocacy. We need to write to our political leaders and our religious leaders advocating for women’s rights. Unfortunately, today there is a strong narrative against women’s rights and even reversing hard fought rights gained by women. As a girl dad, it hurts to see that my girls cannot enjoy the same safety and freedoms that I take for granted.