Transitions are hard.
A couple of weeks back, we had our Giannamore annual back to school family ice cream dinner. Here, we take one night out of the summer and have huge bowls of ice cream filled with all the fixings. This is a tradition we have been doing with our kids since our oldest was in grade school. The leaves have begun flirting with us by giving us a small preshow of their colors. Then, last week, somebody turned down the thermometer and suddenly nighttime temperatures were in the mid 50’s(F) and this week, the mid 40’s(F). Pumpkin spice has already been spotted coming out of hibernation. Our local grocery store has begun putting out their cinnamon scented brooms. Finally, the Ironweed is in full bloom. Autumn on the East Coast of America is upon us.
Transitions
Kids everywhere are beginning school soon, some for the first time, some for the last time. Adults everywhere are taking the very scary first step of going back to school. This is a time of transition. Soon, we will exchange our free time for study time and wander through a season of emotional, mental, and physical growth. Some parents are rejoicing that their kids are going back, and I have always found this posture terrible. I am quite proud that my daughters are in college and are choosing to go through this difficult journey. I have a daughter starting high school and I have a daughter finishing high school. Again, pride and wonderment at their growth and maturity abounds. Soon I will be saying goodbye to them and another transitional period will be underway.
A Traveler’s Preparation
I have done some pretty crazy things over the last fourteen years. I have completed at least 25 50k’s, a 40 miler, a 50 miler, a 100k, and two hundred or more marathon length runs in preparation for all those races. I have gone on dozens of multiple overnight bikepacking and bikepacking trips. The preparation for these adventures is often ritualistic and looks much like what I learned from my time in the military about preparing for a mission or a project.
Historically, travelers and warriors would engage in ritual cleansing, meditation and prayer, armor/weapons/gear inspection, visualization and rehearsal, composure and stoicism and time with elders seeking advice were part of the preparations. Let us explore a few of these.
Change is hard, but what is harder is not knowing why you are changing. Here are 10 points to keep in mind when preparing your mindset for change:
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Keep your mind on why you are changing
Change for the sake of change is stupid. Changing without clearly defined goals will only lead to failure or in terms of hiking, cliffing out. You will come to a dead end and will only frustrate yourself and others.
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Train your mind for success by visualizing success
I often prepare for backpacking trips a year out. I often did the same thing with many of the ultras I ran. Usually by January of the new year, I had my race calendar filled, and I knew what 9 months of my year would look like. Sitting in front of my computer right now is a printout of 2024’s season which went to crap for a lot of reasons. Computer print outs of my schedule, motivational quotes and elevation profiles have adorned my walls for years. When I completed my 100k in 2012, the bib from the 100k I failed to complete in 2011 was taped above my coffee maker for the entire year. Make a goal, spell it out and visualize yourself completing the task with all the feelings that go with it.
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Embrace Fear and Uncertainty
I am dealing with some weird long COVID stuff. It has been a weird three years since I was vaccinated and had COVID. Going into 2024, I was unsure if anything I had planned would work. As things continued to not work, I just rolled with it. When I did my first 300-mile bike pack in 2022, I was confident, but unsure of how it would all go. I just got up each morning and rolled with the punches. When I have run tough mountain 50k’s, I have had the same mentality. It may have been ugly, but I usually finished. When fear rears its ugly head, embrace it. Too often we want to avoid fear, but fear is an emotion that keeps us humble. It makes us pay attention if we harness it correctly.
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Be Prepared for Everything and Anything
Back when I was in the military, we used Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs), in today’s military, they also implement PACE plans. My family hates getting ready with me for anything. The US Army did a great job indoctrinating me into having everything accountable for before I launch out on an adventure.
Simply, a Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) is a plan that outlines what you are doing, how you are doing it, who is doing what and what supplies you need to do it. In business, you would call this a business plan. One can take this plan a bit further by incorporating a PACE plan into their planning. Here, you outline your primary plan or objective, make plans if things start going sideways (Alternative), make plans if things get worse (Contingency Plan) and a plan to abort the mission if all things go to crap (Emergency Plan). I had to use my Emergency plan this summer when my backpacking trip was not going the way I needed it to go. Being prepared for anything means being able to make peace with pulling the plug on a plan.
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Stay Calm Under Pressure
Sometimes, your finances, your family, your team, or company is counting on you to implement the changes you make. When I went back to school in 2008 to get a second masters, I had a lot on the line. Some people closest to me were not always on board supporting the choices I was making. Rather than leaning into the negativity, I set healthy boundaries and kept on moving in the direction I was headed. This was not a simple or bullheaded move; I had absolute proof with my grades and affirmations from my professors that my track was on point. Sixteen years later, I am successfully a partner in a multi clinician mental health outpatient group. Rudyard Kipling says it best (despite the 18th century masculinity thing), “If you can keep your head about you while all the others are losing theirs, then you will be (a man)”.
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Accept that Challenges are Part of Life
It was 2004, I remember the day quite clearly. We were expecting our second baby. A letter arrived from my church district and conference. It was informing me that they were going to deny me ordination. This would begin an exceedingly difficult 14-year journey that would see the end of my career as a minister but also the birth of three children, the birth of a second career and the launch of a “solo” career as a therapist. As Mike Tyson once said, “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” No plan survives the first draft.
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Keep your emotions in check
As I was driving home yesterday, I was thinking about what I wrote in the previous paragraph, really examining my emotions around that fateful day and all that has happened since. I am not angry for a lot of reasons. Most of them were out of my control. Now, I will point out that much of this insight has come from my own journey through moving meditation over the last 14 years.
As a parent and sometimes as a therapist, I will often encourage my kids to stop crying. Now, this may seem controversial, but there is a lesson here that I learned in a small cave in Pennsylvania. When you are emotionally aroused, your brain gets stupid, and it makes all your problems harder. It is okay to cry and be emotional, you just cannot stay there. You must move on, name your emotions, feel your emotions, and then use the negative energy to create positive change.
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Focus on what YOU can control
I was a real knucklehead in my 20’s. Uncontrolled Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, stubbornness and in general, a lot of immaturity led me down the path of pursuing a Master’s degree when I should never have done so in the first place. A lot of things occurred in the four years I was in Ohio for my ministry student work. Most of those things I could not control. Famously, the Stoics remind us that we can only control the way we react.
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Maintain a healthy sense of persistence
I remember a conversation I had around my second year of seminary. I told my district that I was going to accelerate my education to three years because of finance issues. I was told by multiple people that this was a bad idea. I did it anyway and ultimately made a mess of things.
Fast forwards to my second Master’s when some of the same things occurred. I persisted and things worked out fine. Why? I had a better vision, maturity, and guidance. In order to pursue your dreams and accept challenges ahead of you, you need a healthy persistence.
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Find a Mentor
This unfortunately has not been a strength in my life. I had healthy mentors in high school and later in my life currently. In this post, I offer that the lack of healthy mentorship in our society has led to many of the problems we observe with young people. If you are in the midst of a transition in your life, seek out someone who has gone through a similar experience as you. Consider therapy as well.
The Spirituality of Transition
Transition is a contemplative and spiritual practice. Along with the above points, there are several specific practices one can cultivate to better prepare for change. In the case of transition, Faith, Enthusiasm, Questing, Being Present, Mystery and Hope all come to mind. I have written extensively on all these practices. The biggest first step to transition is to take a step back, take a deep breath and notice and recognize 1. Where you are in space and time, 2. what are you thinking, 3. what you are feeling and 4. can you bring what you are thinking and feeling into alignment. If you cannot, mentorship and/or therapy may be a helpful guide.
May God’s peace be upon all those students, both children and adults returning back to school this fall. May God’s peace be all others who are considering a life transition during this season of change.
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