Cultivating Right Relationships
Once again, we find ourselves celebrating the romantic holiday of Valentines’ Day. Last year, I wrote on who we could love, this year, I want to focus on how we love. The love I want to focus on this year is not the standard erotic love that so marks Valentines’ Day, but instead, I want to focus on the love we have for our neighbor, the philios love and the agapic and kenotic love demonstrated to us by Jesus.
Christ’s Love is Agapic and Kenotic
Our world is being tainted by a Christianity that does not represent the kenotic and agapic love of Christ. It displays none of the universality that made the early movement meaningful for the early Christians. When we truly embody Christ’s love, our agapic and kenotic expression reaches beyond our immediate circles. We like the early followers reach out to those marginalized and forgotten by society. This demands a love that is sacrificial and selfless, reflecting the humility and service that Christ exemplified through his actions. Such love calls us to be active participants in the pursuit of justice and peace, advocating for the oppressed and striving for unity within our communities.
We demonstrate such love when we engage in these acts:
Service: Christ’s love was one of service. He washed his disciples’ feet, healed the sick, and fed the hungry. We can follow his example by serving others, especially those in need. This could involve volunteering at a soup kitchen, visiting the elderly, or simply helping a neighbor with yard work.
Forgiveness: Christ forgave those who wronged him, even those who crucified him. We can show agapic love by forgiving others, even when it’s difficult. This doesn’t mean condoning their actions but rather letting go of anger and resentment.
Sacrifice: Christ sacrificed his life for us. We can show kenotic love by sacrificing our time, energy, and resources for others. This could mean giving up a Saturday to help a friend move or donating money to a charity.
Compassion: Christ had compassion for the sick, the marginalized, and the lost. We can show agapic love by being compassionate to others, especially those who are suffering. This could involve listening to someone who is going through a tough time, or offering a helping hand to someone who is struggling.
Humility: Christ was humble, even though he was God. We can show kenotic love by being humble and putting others before ourselves. This could mean admitting when we’re wrong or giving credit to others for their accomplishments.
Love for enemies: Christ taught us to love our enemies. This is perhaps the most difficult aspect of agapic love, but it is also the most transformative. When we love our enemies, we break down the barriers that separate us and create the possibility for reconciliation.
Unity: Christ prayed that his followers would be one. We can show agapic love by working for unity in our churches and communities. This means accepting people who are different from us, and working to overcome divisions.
Justice: Christ stood up for the oppressed and marginalized. We can show kenotic love by working for justice in our world. This could mean advocating for the poor, the oppressed, and the marginalized.
Peacemaking: Christ was a peacemaker. We can show agapic love by working for peace in our world. This could mean resolving conflicts peacefully or speaking out against injustice.
Grace: Christ offered grace to all, even those who didn’t deserve it. We can show agapic love by offering grace to others, even when they make mistakes. This means giving people a second chance and believing in their potential for good.
Philios Love Cultivates Understanding
Philios love, often translated as brotherly love or friendship, is one of the four ancient Greek terms for love (along with eros, agape, and storge). It represents a deep affection and fondness between friends, often based on shared interests, mutual respect, and a sense of connection. It’s the kind of love that fosters camaraderie, loyalty, and support.
Recently, I read this on my church website: “This year, instead of fostering division, we should focus on building bridges and advocating for comprehensive immigration reform that embodies compassion, justice and the inherent worth of every person” (General Secretary Roland Fernandes of the GBGM). Jesus showed compassion and acceptance towards those some would now consider outcasts, treating them with dignity and love. He interacted with marginalized groups, such as the poor, women, and sinners, demonstrating that everyone is valued in God’s eyes. Paul says there is no divisions among us, that all are one in Christ.
One of the most powerful experiences I have had in my existence was the immersion trips I took to New York City, Kentucky and Michigan when I was college. These experiences along with living in a Sanctuary city have exposed me to all walks of life. While the color of our skin, our languages and even our religion among other may be different, we are all brothers and sisters on the road of life. We are all human. The friendships I acquired through these experiences demonstrated to me that brotherly love cultivates understanding.
God’s Love is Open and Mutual
Last year, I mentioned that the primary aspect of the Bible I take seriously is the concept of God’s love. I still maintain this perspective. As someone who follows the Benedictine tradition, praying the Psalms has been a regular practice for me. While there are Psalms of lament, there are also Psalms that describe God’s abundant love for all of creation. The idea is that God is love and desires to share this love with all of creation. (Consider this insightful piece by Henry Karlson).
Over the last few years, I have been deeply engaged in the practice of studying open theism and Open and Relational Theology. Here, God is seen as forever changing. The future is not determined, and that God is a co suffer with all of creation. If God can love anyone universally, so can you.
In a healthy relationship, the setting is open, with both partners leaning into each other and mutually expressing not only love but wants and needs, reciprocally giving back to each other.
To be loving is not terribly difficult. How we love can be as simple as a kind word or as grand as a lifelong commitment, but at its core, it requires authenticity, empathy, and a willingness to grow together. True love extends beyond mere affection, embracing patience, understanding, and the grace to forgive. It is a conscious choice to support and uplift one another, fostering a connection that withstands the trials of time. This Valentine’s Day, let us not only celebrate love as a fleeting emotion but as a steadfast journey, where every moment is an opportunity to deepen our bonds and cultivate a relationship built on mutual respect and unwavering devotion.
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