STOP Doing this One Thing and Get a Life!

STOP Doing this One Thing and Get a Life! Trying to get your children to fulfill your dreams is one of the worst mistakes we make. God created them with her unique gifts and talents. Our job is to teach them to use their gifts for what they were created.

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This week we will take a hard look at parenting as we continue to discuss the 7 worst things parents do. In today’s episode we will discuss why its not good to expect your child to fulfill your dreams. 

“The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.” Proverbs 20:29 (NLT)

Do you get what Solomon is saying here? There are advantages of being young that you don’t have as much when you’re old and vice versa. We don’t need to envy another age group because whatever age we are has unique advantages. Older folks have more experience and hence more wisdom than the young. Therefore parents should let their children fulfill their own dreams – or better yet – fulfill what God has laid out for their lives instead of trying to live their lives through their children. I see it all the time… parents trying to live their life vicariously through the lives of their children. 

STOP doing this…

One of the semi-finalists of American Idol in 2008, David Archuletta, has a father who was banned from backstage by the producers of the show. Apparently he was too involved in his son’s competition. He changed the lyrics to one of the songs his son was to sing and added the lyrics of another song for one verse, leading the show to have to pay royalties for a second song they hadn’t planned on. I’m sure the show has the money but the incident represented a lot of other stuff that had been happening with this “over-involved” dad.

I don’t pretend to know this father’s motivations. But to me, he seems to represent a trend in our culture. Parents who get into verbal and physical fights with umpires at Little League games. Moms who push little girls into beauty contests so that they can receive praise through their kids or dads like Archuletta’s who go overboard – to perhaps get recognition for themselves (?)

Stop doing this..

Parents, children are not our property! They belong to God. We are only stewards to bring them up in God’s truth. We need to pray for and train them to follow God’s path for their lives, not our plan for their lives.

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

This verse is frequently misused. Many well intended pastors and preachers teach that it means to show them God’s way so that when they grow up they will not depart from it. But nothing is further from the truth. This verse has nothing to do with that! You see, to train up a child is the way he should go is compared to the way a tree branch grows. They have a natural bent. Our job as parents is to find the natural way that our children are bent and to train them to follow it because that is God’s design for their lives. Are they mellow and artistic or are they full of energy and curiosity? Not every child is the same.

Stop doing this …

That reminds me, don’t compare your child to the neighbor’s. I hear it all the time… Oh, that child is so easy-going. My child is a whirlwind! Or their child can sit quietly while cannot. You may not see it but the other parent is probably saying things like… why can’t my child ride his bike without training wheels. The neighbor’s kid just took them off and learned to do it in 5 minutes! Or I wish my child was more of a go-getter like their child is. He just sits there.

The grass always seems greener on the other side, doesn’t it? But really moms and dads… don’t push your children to do those things that you want them to do.

Perhaps you didn’t achieve every success you wanted as a child. Don’t make the mistake of trying to push your child to do what you didn’t get to do. That kind of pushiness often breeds resentment and rebellion.

parents….“Get a life” outside your child’s life. Build adult friendships and enjoy activities with people your age in addition to doing things with your children. Act your age. You’ll be happier and your kids will be better adjusted.

Don’t miss next week’s episode when we bring up the seventh item in my list of the 7 worst things parents do. And that is when parents neglect their Spiritual Lives. That is probably the single “worst” thing you can do!