I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
Depression is an occasion for re-evaluating and changing.
Although it has been years since I experienced a season of deep depression (over twenty years to be exact,) I remember so much about that dismal summer when this personal tsunami hit me of out nowhere because it changed me so much. Like many folks, I knew men and women who struggled with depression and I felt sorry for them, commiserated with them, and wanted to ease their pain. The truth is, until I became depressed myself, I finally recognized this was one area in life that unless you’ve gone through the muck and mire of it, you simply cannot fully understand the depth of depression’s pain. Nor can you navigate a quick way out.
When Depression Takes Hold
Two specific memories are etched in my mind’s eye even today of that difficult summer following my first of now six shoulder surgeries when my body was recovering, when I was lying awake night after night exhausted but sleepless, after our family had just ended a long period of caregiving for an elderly relative, and once we’d made the heart wrenching decision to leave our church home of over twenty-two years. Knowing what I know now, I should have seen depression approaching. I didn’t. But I’ll never forget the lessons God had for me in that dark place.
As clear as day, I remember sitting alone on the grass in the midday sun hunched over my bible and realizing that since my emotions had gone AWOL, I would have to take God’s word, well, at His word. Promises that had in the past made me feel better, more hopeful, encouraged, and energized, held nothing for me now. I honestly couldn’t feel anything but an eerie complacent deadness. And it was utterly frightening.
When Isolation Makes It Worse
But I could cry, could I ever cry. Which led me to my second vivid recollection when I made an urgent cry-for-help phone call to my best friend, with tears streaming down my face and a catch in my voice, I cried out for help. She listened carefully…silently until I was cried out. Then she spoke. Simply and with resolve, my friend’s words were, “I know you don’t believe this is ever going to end, but it will. I know you don’t believe (in God’s faithfulness or your own strength to get through) but I’m going to believe with you and for you until you can believe on your own again.” Those precious simply stated words were the starting point of my overcoming my depressed state. At that moment, I didn’t feel any better, but at that moment; I became determined to get better. And I did.
Depression Is A Stubborn Darkness
Depression remains one of the most common yet elusive “conditions” to understand. Some believe it’s a physiological problem alone. Others, an emotional one. For Christians, many believe it’s a spiritual malady that can be cured by words of confession and self-flagellating acts of denial. For me, I believe it’s a combination of our choices and experiences, which in turn, lead to physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual repercussions.
As physical beings, no one can discount the stress our bodies endure day in and day out, which can frequently burn us out. Thus, depression born of misusing or over-using our bodies (even in the pursuit of worthy goals.) Emotions too, can grow so taut with intense and demanding constant use that they finally give way to the depressed state of “I give up” mentality. Spiritually speaking, Scripture is clear that when we choose anger, bitterness, resentfulness, and revenge; that brittleness of the bones, weakness of muscles, and sleeplessness are close companions.
Jesus Draws Near In Our Pain
Depression finds its birthplace in countless ways and can stranglehold a heart and life before a person realizes what has happened. Which is why each of needs to take time to evaluate and re-evaluate the ways in which we govern our lives. From the daily physical care of our bodies to how we work through life’s disappointments and pain, it all matters. Our choices and how we choose to think about life’s challenges can either press us down further into deep depression or lift us up out of it.
Moment by moment, hour by hour, day-by-day, we make choices. Those decisions we make, in turn, make us. I’ve always loved the put-off, put-on mentality of biblical living. With intention, we put-off disbelief, unforgiveness, anger, and the like, while intentionally putting-on belief, forgiveness, hope, and every other life giving, uplifting thought and action.
Honestly evaluating ourselves, our lives, takes courage. But without periodic (even frequent) self-checks, it is all too easy to find ourselves spiraling downward like powerless victims rather than able-bodied, strong-minded, faith-filled individuals who look at the future with a glad heart and a spirit of optimism.
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