Three Gods for the Price of One

Three Gods for the Price of One September 20, 2016

One artist’s creepy conception of the Holy Trinity in a 15th century illuminated manuscript. Even God seems to be shrugging.

Lately. I’ve been thinking about the absurd game of theological Twister involved in the creation of the Holy Trinity. So, I’ve imagined a dialog between a 4th century Christian and someone doubting the emerging Church orthodoxy.

I’m having trouble understanding the Holy Trinity. How is that different from the pagans, with their hundreds of gods?

Oh, no no no no. We’re not like those pagans at all. We have only one god. Jesus was both man and God, And then there’s the Holy Spirit. He’s God, too, but there’s still only one god.

Huh? How could the be separate beings, but still be God?

It’s a mystery. You can’t understand because you’re only human.

Let me get this straight. I have to be God to understand Christian doctrine?

Ayup. Since no one can be God, you just have to accept it.

But it doesn’t make sense.

It’s not suppose to. You gotta have faith. Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better if you just put it out of your mind.

Aren’t the saints really the same as patron deities, though? I mean, does it make much of a difference if you pray to St. Christopher or sacrifice a goat to Mercury before heading out on a trip?

It does to the goat.

Well, isn’t Mary really a goddess?

Listen carefully, okay? There’s the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, plus Mary and the saints. And, yes, they can all grant miracles if you pray to them, more or less. But that doesn’t mean there is more than one god.

But how can Mary have been an eternal virgin if Jesus had four brothers and some sisters, too?

You’ve never heard of step-brothers?

Where in the Bible does it mentioned that?

Sigh. Didn’t you learn anything from the story of Doubting Thomas?

Thomas saw proof. That’s all I’m asking for.

What you’re asking for is a charge of heresy.

If I were a pagan I wouldn’t have to worry about that. There was no such thing as heresy when the pagans were in charge.

But Christians are so much better than pagans.


We’re monotheists.

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