A Different Family Seder

About four years ago my wife and I met a group of people who all had a child of a similar age in a class with my oldest (then only) daughter. If you don’t have kids, one of the first things you learn upon ascending to parenthood is that you have to develop a new set of friends, a process akin to dating. It is stressful, exhilarating (“do you think they like us too?!?”), and a generally fun experience.

We ended up becoming friends with a small group of parents – four or five couples – who all have daughters the same age as my oldest, and younger children about the same age as my youngest. It couldn’t be more perfect; we all meet for lunch every Saturday, we alternate going out with different parental sets, we even spend New Years’ Eve together. I jokingly (and unbeknownst to them) refer to them as the Kiddie Krew.

This last week, my wife and I decided that we weren’t going to travel for Passover this year – just too much going on and too many things to keep us in town. The only problem with this plan, however, was that we have been spending Passover with various family members pretty much since we started dating nearly 15 years ago. In other words, we had no seder to go to. We were fortunate enough to finagle an invite from a couple of our new friends from the Kiddie Krew, whose parents hold a seder every year for all of their family.

We showed up at the house a few minutes early, ready for…who knew? Neither of us had really been to a stranger’s home for seder in a very long time, and other than the girls having their friends there, we really didn’t know what to expect. Funny thing – it turns out all Jewish families are essentially the same, at least from a seder-ing point of view. There was too much food, not enough wine, a lot of screaming children; in all, it was perfect. And it served as a reminder to me and my wife that “family” in the loosest sense of the word is totally interchangeable. If you are with people you care about, you can have as good and meaningnful a Jewish experience as you allow yourself to have.

Of course, we love our families, and missed the chance to spend quality time over a piece of Matzah with our relatives. But having a group of people – an extended family – with whom to share a holiday was a treasure, and a reminder that home can truly be where the heart is.