Marriage, Singles, and the Kingdom

In the past, I have engaged the church on the need for a more inclusive vision of marriage, family, and the singles among us. Celibate, gay Christians such as Julie Rodgers, Wesley Hill, and Ed Shaw have pointed us toward various expressions of this need within our bodies of faith. The importance of the issue cannot be underscored! We cannot no longer afford to unwittingly brand the single life as a second class reality in our race to promote marriage as the pinnacle relationship in life and certainly within the church. Singles are marginalized and for those singles among us that choose this celibacy out of conviction to honor Christ with their sexuality, this reality can be particularly crushing. I say we can no longer afford because now we know better, now our single brothers and sisters with same-sex attraction have given voice to this need, and the love of Christ compels us to change our ways.

James K.A. Smith, in his article “Marriage for the Common Good,” offers a beautiful vision for marriage that has the Kingdom as its heartbeat and move toward others as it’s active posture. I cannot recommend this article enough. The sheer beauty of a kingdom theology of marriage is enough to recommend his writing, but its implications for the church and the singles among us make it timely and necessary.

When we open our lives, our families, our homes and our marriages to others, we signal forward something better, something more enduring. Life is about others, and marriage serves as a matrix for a sacrificial community that demonstrates radical hospitality. When this happens marriages are strengthened, singles are treated like family; accountability thrives, and society is given a picture of marriage and life together as it was meant to be.

If we can capture this vision as a reality, then we have something more to offer the particularly vulnerable in our churches. Those individuals who are same-sex attracted but choose to remain celibate out of conviction and obedient commitment to Christ.

For those that ask how we can engage in practical ministry with same-sex attracted brothers and sisters, this is not only one way but a paradigm shifting service that can and will change lives. If we are the body, the family of God as the New Testament demonstrates then we must start to function like it and act like it.

When we do, loneliness, fear, shame, and an entire range of broken realities and emotions will find it hard to survive.

In a time when marriage is redefined, and the culture around us is shifting, the church can be a visionary body that finds new and bold ways to love the marginalized through radical incarnational living, as strangers and aliens. Incarnation should define us instead of being a reactionary force that seeks to protect a culture that demands its rights to the exclusion of ministry.

We can be more; we must be more!