When I First Knew I Was A Pagan

Discovering my path wasn’t easy but it wasn’t difficult either. No, I wasn’t born Pagan, at least not an offspring of Pagan parents. So then how did I figure it out? Here is my story.

I remember at the age of 12, I was on a family vacation at my aunt’s house in the Poconos. My parents, my brother and I were shopping in a souvenir store in Pennsylvania. I came across this beautiful unpolished rose quartz. I just had to have it. It must have been a decent price because I bought it with my vacation money, which wasn’t much.

Along with that I purchased a gold painted egg and a ceramic owl too. Both were miniature sizes. My parents questioned me on why I wanted to waste my money on a “rock.” I however, insisted and well I still have it.

Nope, that didn’t scream Pagan to me. Now I look back though and think, “Wow, I was really on to something then!” Rose Quartz has properties that I really needed back then and still do now. It helps promote deep self-love, attract romantic relationships and heal emotional wounds. For a person with depression these are needed. Yes, I will not hide it, I have had depression since I was a kid.

A few years later I was at a Scandinavian Festival with my grandmother. I saw an unpolished amethyst stone for a good price, only about $7 that I really wanted. Nope, that didn’t scream Pagan either.

I have a thing for unpolished stones in case you couldn’t tell. There is something magical and mysterious to me but that’s for another blog.

However, little did I know that it helps with sleep, stress and anxiety. All things that I needed, and still need, help with. Something I discovered when I researched the stone after I spent my money on it…..Years later, when I discovered that they aren’t just pretty objects to have on display around the house.

These two stones started me wanting more. I thought about buying more but stones are usually expensive. So, I waited and saved up my money. However, lucky for me that wait wasn’t very long.

Around that time, I discovered a chatroom around my favorite television show. I jumped into it not knowing what to expect. The year was 1998 and if you think this is when the light went off, nope not quite yet. Anyway, I was welcomed right away. The chatroom was fun. We roleplayed characters but we had serious conversations as well.

This is where I met my good friend Jennifer. At that time my asthma was acting up every single day. I went to a specialist and I got no help, we couldn’t pinpoint the trigger exactly other than the humidity. My friend told me two things that I will never forget.

One is that she is a witch. I didn’t even know witches really existed at that time. Considering that she was the first witch I met and I am far from gullible, however I trusted my gut. I was desperate for help. Whatever she did, worked and quickly too.

The other is that she would help me with my asthma but I need to believe it works. No doubt, that just ruins things. Doubt sets you up for self sabotage. I learned this from my elders the Rev. Foxxy Pullen and her late husband, Herm years later.

This is when my eyes began to open but not enough. I was curious but not enough to begin my journey just yet. My friend left the internet for a while when she moved to Australia.

When she was away I decided to start researching Paganism, witchcraft and anything related to them. It was the year 2000 when I began my research in my Catholic college library.

Yep, they had everything related including a reference book on witchcraft including Starhawk’s “Drawing Down the Moon.” That’s when it all made sense, everything I have been doing since I was a kid in the store with that “rock.”

A year later when I was in college, taking extra courses, the store Natural Wonders in the mall was going out of business. I got my collection together for cheap. I grabbed so many stones, some polished and one or two unpolished.

After a year of studying on my own, I decided to venture into the America Online (AOL) Pagan chatrooms.

This is when I met my elders the Foxxy and Herm. This was great, they offered me classes for free on Paganism.

About a year later, Foxxy asked me what path I was on so she could help guide me on my journey. I told her eclectic but she knew I was just not sure yet. She asked me again what path I was on about a year later and I said Celtic. She thought that it was because I wanted to do what she was, not true. This was helpful but not the case. I have been to a few rituals that were Celtic but Wiccan. She taught me how to be a Druid. And Foxxy still teaches me now. So, when the time is right, the teacher will come to you.

And now fast forward, I am now leader of Sacred Wheel CUUPs at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation at Montclair NJ. Additionally, I write this monthly blog.

So follow your gut, it knows best. If you want a rock or your child does or you know somebody drawn to it, help them out. Heck, it doesn’t have to be a stone, it could just be nature related. These are normal and OK. So, stop fretting if you or they don’t fit in yet, it will happen. As they say good things come to those who wait.