Spoofing the Visionary Daughters Quiz

Spoofing the Visionary Daughters Quiz March 8, 2011
[Note: After NLQ featured the Visionary Daughters Quiz back in November, “Jadeswan” posted her own version of the quiz on the forum.  For NLQ readers who have not yet joined the forum, here’s a small taste of what you’re missing ~ :)]
by Jadeswan
 I decided to try my hand at spoofing the quiz. I’m sorry it’s so long but once I got started it was just too fun to stop. I guess I “just couldn’t help myself.” How foolish! Big Grin

(Just a note in case any of what I wrote steps on anyone’s toes: please keep in mind I grew up under this mentality. Yes, it is snarky but only towards the bonds that kept me chained to fear for so long.)

1—How do you respond when criticized /corrected?
A: I begin throwing things at the criticizer and screaming obscenities.
B: I laugh hysterically and start in on a litany of the criticizer’s faults.
C: In all circumstances I love to be criticized. I show a joyful countenance when my father chastises me (with a Biblical rod, of course) for leaving a book on the table. When my mother tells me that wearing my hair in a ponytail could cause men to lust, I am grateful for her sound advice. If no one is criticizing/correcting me at the moment, I go around asking everyone in my family what each one thinks I do wrong. It is so wonderful that I even self-criticize constantly.

2—I like to talk…
A: Nonstop—during funeral services, during my best friend’s graduation ceremony, at the bedsides of relatives who are deathly ill.
B: Only if everyone will shut up and listen to my awesomeness.
C: I don’t really talk at all. I only whisper—mostly Bible verses and quotes of things my father and pastor say.

3—When I talk I tend:
A: To tell racist jokes and ribald stories.
B: Let out the skeletons in EVERYONE’s closest.
C: See above. (Question 2, answer C.)

4—In the heat of the moment, I often:
A: Get into fist fights
B: Call my family names.
C: I don’t really have a “heat of the moment” because heat is akin to passion and passion is evil. I don’t really disagree with anyone ever—except for wicked people, of course—but when people do disagree I try to help them all agree with the truth. If they won’t I go to my room and read my Bible.

5—I gravitate toward people who are:
A: Murderers and thieves.
B: Wily politicians and slick lawyers.
C: I haven’t really found anyone outside my family who is holy enough to be like-minded. My contact with people is limited to short encounters such as with the cashier at the grocery store, strictly for the purpose of witnessing.

6—People come to me:
A: Because I serve them beer, cocaine and sinfully rich chocolate brownies.
B: To hear me blaspheme God.
C: Because my countenance is so blindingly aflame with the truth of Christ that they flock by the droves to hear the secret of my peculiar separateness—or they would if they weren’t all fools.

7—People have called me:
A: A whore.
B: Cruel and heartless.
C: Prudent. In fact, my little sister’s name is Prudence because prudence is such a wonderful virtue. It means never taking risks which God—and your parents—don’t include in their life plan for you. Things like driving cars, smiling at boys, or taking a class at a local college may seem innocent but they can lead to all sorts of deadly sins and evil and wickedness and most of all, foolishness.

8—Ignorance is:
A: Something I take pride in.
B: Really fun, especially when I fail tests because of it.
C: Something I try to combat in my heart every day by learning what my parents say God says and by keeping my ears unpolluted by worldly things such as women’s rights, how to recognize spiritual abuse and any form of modern culture or science.

9—My parents:
A: Are so strict because they like, don’t want me to do drugs and stuff.
B: Hide me in a closest because I’m so weird.
C: Are my source of inspiration for my whole life. They are my direct line to God and if I could I would marry them and live with them forever and ever.

10—When I’m around the opposite sex:
A: I behave like an animal in heat.
B: I drool uncontrollably, no matter the age difference or relationship.
C: I treat them as brothers/sisters in Christ. To clarify, I do not speak with them unless absolutely necessary to convey an important message such as “Your clothes are on fire” and if they address me I mumble a reply and flee to the safety of my parents’ umbrella of protection to escape a drenching in the thunderstorm of lust.

11—I know I can be foolish:
A: But that’s okay. I also enjoy jay birding while jaywalking.
B: Wait, could it be I’m not a fool? Nah, that’s a stupid thought.
C: And since I am hanging above the chasm of foolishness by a single slender thread I must strengthen that thread by screaming out loud to God whenever I see something evil such as a woman in jeans or a blank television screen in the electronics section of a store. Anything else would be foolishness.

12—Is foolishness a sin?
A: No, and I don’t think murder is either.
B: No, because 2+2=Hyperbole.
C: Yes, but not the kind of foolishness I have and struggle every day to overcome. The kind of foolishness you have is a sin.

13—To find wisdom, all I have to do is:
A: Wish on a star.
B: Smile and the world smiles with me…or something.
C: Fear the Lord and obey His commandments—and my parents’ commandments, and Bill Gothard’s/Michael Pearl’s/my local cult leader’s commandments.

Your score:
Mostly A’s:
For now I will stretch out my hand, that I may smite thee and thy people with pestilence; and thou shalt be cut off from the earth. Exodus 9:15
Mostly B’s:
There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men. Proverbs 30:14
All C’s:
His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Matthew 25:23

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  • Hahaha! This is so true, it baffles me how I rationalized sticking with it as a teen, but it was all I knew, and I really did want to please my parents, I just hadn’t realized yet that that was impossible.

  • Lolly

    I had to go and read the original again – I can’t believe how similar the two versions are. This one’s much more efficient, though, and deserves a big plate of blasphemous brownies.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    This is hilarious! I laughed out loud a few times. You’re very witty. 🙂

  • Happy Heathen

    Hahahh! That’s an awesome spoof. 🙂

    I especially loved 2+2=Hyperbole!!

  • denelian

    i forgot how HORRIBLE that first one was. the “original”

    your choices boil down to “i am a drug addict and criminal” “i sometimes use drugs or commit crimes” “i am completely shallow and ignorant and it’s shocking i can even READ this quiz” and “i am a perfect-perfect-fundy-patriarichal-quiverfull-homeschooler-who-has-NEVER-heard-about-anything-else.

    a Christian who WASN’T either patriarichal or quiverfull would fail that quiz – hell, Christians *who follow CHRIST’S WORDS would fail that – since he was ALL about grace and forgiveness of EVERYONE [yes, EVEN LIBERALS AND GODLESS HEATHANS – i suggest that fundies READ THE GOSPELS and LIVE BY THEM ONLY. they’re the ones that COUNT!]

    it’s stupid and it DOES NOT HELP – no one, who isn’t a fundy, can take their “quiz” and NOT be insulted. how is that witnessing? arrogance, that’s what it is – the smug belief that you are SO MUCH BETTER than those you “witness” to, that they won’t even NOTICE how you’re patronizing them,

  • CLDG

    Haha, laughing at a lot of this, but the visual of serving cocaine and brownies (all prissy-like) had me rolling!

  • sTaignarlolo

    Very interesting name by the forum nolongerquivering.com

    Yes, you have truly told

    The possession of unlimited power will make a despot of almost any man.


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  • RJ

    I feel sorry for you. My parents are NOTHING like this. I have guy friends, I can wear jeans, I don’t raise my younger siblings, I am planning on going to college and be a professional photographer.

    AND GUESS WHAT? I’m a Christian, I’m homeschooled, I’m the oldest of 8, and I’m a teenager!!!!! **GASP!!**

    Not all Christian homeschooled families are like this. I’m not brainwashed, I’m not ignorant, and I’m not stupid. I love my family and wouldn’t trade them for anything.

  • E

    You have already posted this same comment under other articles on this site. What you are doing is called spamming. If you don’t understand why people dislike the teachings (preachings?) of the Botkin sisters then, sorry, but you are incredibly ignorant. It is normal for a teenager to think they have all the answers and understand every one and every thing.