Quoting Quiverfull: Friendships Like Water?

Quoting Quiverfull: Friendships Like Water? February 11, 2013

Darlene Schacht at Time-Warp Wife – April 17, 2013

Nothing holds the power to negatively influence our faith more than the people we are close to. Friends can lift you up, while others drag you down faster than you ever thought possible. But when we come to the place where we see our sin for what it really is, we also see the importance of guarding our heart and protecting it from wear and tear.

Water appears to be weak and conformable when we cup it in the palm of our hand, and yet it has a force powerful enough to erode stone. In fact it’s the key element that formed the grand canyon. My point being that people, like elements, carve lasting imprints into our lives, and therefore we need to choose our friends wisely.

I understand that everyone needs love and deserves our respect, but it’s important when cultivating intimate relationships that we surround ourselves with people who will sharpen our faith rather than wearing it down.

And if we are in fellowship with non believers, we might ask ourselves the questions:

  • Is there a common interest we share that will glorify God?
  • Does our friendship bring glory to God?

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

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Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce


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  • About a year ago, I probably would have agreed with this statement. I grew up in all-Christian environments, went to two all-Christian schools, and the people I know now I know from church. When one of my friends started “hanging out” with mostly non-religious/non-Christian crowd, I started worrying about the effect this would have on her “walk.”

    I shared my concern with my husband, but then I had to explain what I meant. He went to public school, didn’t really participate in the hypocrisy of his church’s youth group, went to a state university and maintained a pretty consistent atmosphere of having non-Christian friends. The best man at our wedding was Sikh, and some of his best friends are Buddhist or Muslim. It took me a while, but I eventually understood that having non-Christian friends helped shape some of the things I adore about my husband.

    Maintaining an atmosphere of only Christian friends is dangerous. It cultivates a self-assured mentality because it is never being challenged. You are rarely asked to question anything about your faith, because it is constantly being vehemently affirmed by everyone you know.

  • I tend to think the opposite: that having friends from outside your faith will help sharpen your faith. Having friends that think just like you will keep your mind weak.

    Also, this focus on not befriending non-Christians always made it difficult for me to understand how we were supposed to befriend people we wanted to convert. It made no sense how you should be loving but withhold your friendship. I now believe in loving and accepting people for who they are and not trying to convert them at all. It’s the only way to genuinely love your neighbor.

  • saraquill

    Isn’t that a warning sign of an abusive relationship, to cut the person off from family and friends?

  • Meggie

    My fundy relatives all believe it is wrong to have non-Christian friends. I have questioned them about converting people and all have answered that you must convert people before you befriend them. My suggestion that it is easier to invite friends than strangers to church or bible studies just receives blank looks. I don’t think they understand as they have never had a non-Christian friend. The sad thing is that as soon as they meet someone, they immediately try and convert them which usually causes the person to turn and walk away.
    As has already been commented, I think never having your faith challenged can be a bad thing. Understanding that my Hindu, Buddhist and Muslim friends receive the same benefits from their faith that I receive from mine made me reevaluate the nature of faith, religion and God.

  • When I was in a fundamentalist Christian group, “friendship evangelism” was all the rage. It meant you made friends with somebody for no other reason than to evangelize them. This could be just as bad as having no non-Christian friends at all, because you weren’t caring for the friend as a person- you were seeing her or him as potential notch on your conversions belt. And there was also the warning as set forth above, not to get too close.
    Today I wonder how we could have thought this was following Jesus, who was notorious for “eating with taxpayers and sinners.” His closest friends were his disciples, true– but he saw people as people, no matter who they were.