Laughter is Good Medicine: Biblical Ways to Kill Children

Laughter is Good Medicine: Biblical Ways to Kill Children June 24, 2013

Apparently the Bible does have some ways when it’s a-okay to kill children. Very odd! Doesn’t explain why but here’s the list of how for those folks that believe in following every letter of the Bible.






Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce


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  • hanna.karmeniemi

    I really don’t think there’s anything funny in this post. And who ever made that list must be illerate.

  • Madame

    This is what the passages actually say

    Matthew 18.6 “Whoever
    causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be
    better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were
    drowned in the depth of the sea.

    Who is to be drowned? not the child.

    Lamentations 2. 20 “Look, Lord, and consider:
    Whom have you ever treated like this?
    Should women eat their offspring,
    the children they have cared for?
    Should priest and prophet be killed
    in the sanctuary of the Lord?

    It sounds like a rhetoric question to me, not a command or license.

    Ezekiel 5.10 Therefore in your midst parents will eat their children, and children will eat their parents. I will inflict punishment on you and will scatter all your survivors to the winds.

    It goes both ways.

    Lamentations 4. Because of thirst the infant’s tongue
    sticks to the roof of its mouth;
    the children beg for bread,
    but no one gives it to them.

    This is a descriptive passage.

    Genesis 19.24 Then the Lord rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah—from the Lord out of the heavens

    It doesn’t mention specifically burning children. I guess everything and everyone was burned (shudder)

    Leviticus 10. 2 (not 3) So fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed them, and they died before the Lord.

    I’ve run out of time to look up more. But I think my point is made. Sure, the Bible is full of atrocities, some of which were commanded by God, and some were condoned by God, but this list is not exactly accurate.

    And it didn’t make me laugh.

  • ILoveJellybeans

    Dont tell the Pearls this. They might try it.

  • Theo Darling

    I think that spinning this (partially-accurate) list as a humorous, WTF-esque post is kind of unintentionally insensitive to the fact that there have been real cases in modern history of parents using the Bible to justify murdering their children. There are also certain politicians and fringe hate groups calling for legal reform to reflect the “parental right” (cough) of stoning disrespectful or rebellious children. Biblical violence isn’t a secret; it’s not like people would suddenly come to their senses and drop fundamentalism if they were just made aware of some nasty verses. Religion can be a highly effective tool of violence and oppression–something I think most of us here have seen firsthand–and I’m disappointed to see textual “justification” for such crimes irresponsibly bandied about as “LOL what were they thinking” when real people have been and continue to be hurt by them.

  • Amen, Hanna. The moment I saw the first text – Matthew 18 – I knew it was BS. I once had to learn Matthew 18:1-14 to heart at the start of a course in children’s ministry – Jesus said there we should esteem children and become like them, and those who harm children (what I heard on exactly what the harm is goes further than how it is translated in English) should be drowned with weights round the neck. It indeed belongs on a list that ends with the words “what God thinks of children” but not in that way.

  • brbr2424

    I guess Andrea Yates misread Matthew 18.6.

  • brbr2424

    Many parents who use their books as a guide to parenting have starved their children. See

  • KR Taylor

    Not cute to take scripture out of context, especially for a twisted giggle like this. Also, what Theo said.

  • dconklin

    Or, more likely didn’t read it from some source that told her. I looked up each and every single text–took less than 5 minutes and found that the list isn’t even close to real.

  • dconklin

    >partially-accurate — REALLY?!? It isn’t even close to accurate. If you tried this in a college English class on Shakespeare, you’d get an ‘F’!
    Please show me where I made a “personal attack”. I made a general statement based on my experience at college. BTW, I am not a troll.

  • dconklin

    How can one giggle when someone has lied to you?

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Banned. If you cannot string together a comment without turning it into a personal attack then you cannot post here. Be gone troll.