Quoting Quiverfull: So Easing Your Child’s Discomfort is Sin?

Quoting Quiverfull: So Easing Your Child’s Discomfort is Sin? July 24, 2013

by Jay Younts of Shepherd Press – The Tyranny of the Immediate

If your children believe the lie that getting instant relief from their discomfort or discontent is ultimate, then they are bound by the power of sin. This pattern, if not stopped, will result in a life dominated by the desire for immediate gratification.

Immediate gratification is the gateway to a life of slavery. Understanding this will help you teach your children to see how sin deceives them. Sin feeds on the desire for immediate results. That is why a child can go from seeming bliss to outrage in an eye blink. One moment everything is fine. Then he sees his brother with a toy that he wants and he immediately erupts with a howl that sounds like he is being tortured.It is not natural for him to think first that he is happy his brother has a nice toy to play with. It is natural for him to think why should my brother have a toy that I want. Another example is when your daughter says, “Mommy, I want juice.” Your response of, “Just a minute and I will get you some,” is met with a pathetic cry. Your child may die of thirst if you don’t get her the drink right now! This is sin at work

Teaching your children that sin masquerades as instant gratification is an important first step to helping them see how sin lies to them. Any time your children think that they must have something now—they are probably being deceived by sin.

This deception can and does lead to a life of slavery to the immediate.  Pornography, substance abuse, abusive behavior, all have their roots in the quest for immediate gratification. The fruit of the Spirit is best grown in the soil of self-denial.  Help your children to see the excellent path of putting God first.

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.
NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce


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  • Nightshade

    Yep parents, you gotta ignore every natural (presumably god-given?) instinct and teach them kids denial from day one. Don’t let ’em come to you with their wishes, desires, or for comfort, after all ain’t that what god is for, to meet their every need?…whaaaaat, isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?

  • Trollface McGee

    Just imagine – a guy instantly healing the sick, making the blind see, giving hungry people a huge instant feast of wine, fish and bread – all that instant gratification… someone really should call him out for leading so many to sin.

  • Jayn

    Way to set kids up for not getting their needs met, since they’re taught from childhood that there’s no point in asking other people to cater to you in even the slightest way, but instead need to be grateful when they do do something that benefits you. I wasn’t even raised in the culture, but this is something I’ve been struggling with as an adult–I just can’t bring myself to speak up when my needs aren’t being met.

  • Fledgeling Feminist

    This was mind-blowing for me as a new parent leaving patriarchy. Children have developmental steps. Toddlers are still learning verbal skills to ask, “can I have a turn.” They are overwhelmed with emotions they don’t yet understand. They have no concept of time.

    You deal differently with a 6 year old having a tantrum than you would a 2 year old, barring any developmental issues. 2 year olds aren’t marinating in sin, they are just developing. Funny how the “sins” they commit are simply behaviors adults find annoying.

  • Madame

    Oh goodness!

    I’m all for teaching my children the principle of delayed gratification, but at an age appropriate level, and without this whole sin and shame act. I teach them to ask for things nicely and I try not to reward them for whining (though I’ve been known to give in at times…).

  • Madame

    Some believe that babies are sinful so you shouldn’t pick them up after putting them to bed unless they have a visible problem, and you should get them on a tight schedule very early on.

  • Nightshade

    I know…even when I was (mostly) tangled up in this whole thing I couldn’t accept the whole regimented schedule and ignoring them unless there was an obvious problem. I figured that a crying infant was trying to tell me something, and frustrating though it was to sometimes be unable to figure out what the heck was wrong I didn’t feel that my babies were just trying to get their own way.

  • NeaDods

    So they tell children that they’re broken and need Jesus, tell them that their wants and needs are both sinful, psychotically beat them from birth for anything that slightly annoys or inconveniences a parent, use them as unpaid labor, isolate them, tell girls they have no right to an education or dreams of their own…

    …. and then are surprised that the children are abandoning the parents in droves?

  • Maggy W

    Jayn, I so identify with what you said about not being able to speak up when your needs aren’t being met. This is something that I’ve also spent a lifetime struggling with, and we weren’t quiverfull either. My parents were simply older people who were more concerned with how they looked to people outside the family than they ever were concerned about how I felt or what I needed. It has affected me in every way, including parenting, and especially my marriage and friendships. I just wanted to tell you that somebody else does understand.

  • persephone

    You’re. Awesome!

  • Matriarch

    I hate these people. I try so hard never to say (never to feel) hate. But I was raised this way and I can tell you, it’s wrong. I’m not talking about letting a child wait until you are free to get them a drink, or making them learn to share. I’m talking about equating physical discomfort with ‘winning over sin’. These are the people who believe you must ‘break’ a child or they will be lost to sin. When did Jesus ever break anyone??? When did he teach that you must forcibly break someone? Never. These people have driven so many of us away from mainstream Christianity. They are cruel and have a twisted sense of sin and love and they maim human beings, spiritual, beautiful, perfect children of God.

  • Saraquill

    Don’t forget, the putdowns, beatings and isolation are there to prevent abuse. (end sarcasm)

  • Kristen Rosser

    Completely agree. It seems to me that a 2-year doesn’t actually know yet that having to wait for a few minutes won’t kill him. It’s a thing called lack of experience. Also, they have no perspective yet to tell the difference between a real loss they should grieve with tears, and a short-term loss like “I’m getting no juice [right now].”

    Surely “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” means trying to see things from the others’ perspective. Why should that be suspended when it comes to your kid?

  • HeatherM

    Children go through stages and for the first few years of their lives they are still figuring it all out. One of the most important things is trust and knowing that their needs will be met.
    It’s important to teach proper behaviours from an early age but in a way that is appropriate based on an understanding of the age.
    Also, I don’t know from what age is being referred to here but I have previously seen things about starting this extremely early and that is so wrong. You cannot ignore a baby for a while to teach them anything, they don’t have that capability. The only thing that is being taught is that they cannot trust the person taking care of them and that they won’t be taken care of.

  • Trollface McGee

    Thanks, it just seems like they don’t really pay much attention to the book they’re supposedly basing their lives around.

  • Trollface McGee

    That’s what really got me when I first started reading about the whole quiverful movement. Surely people who have that many kids would know that a baby crying is the natural way it communicates and that they lack the brain development to be able to learn at that age. And the idea that it’s ok to ever beat a baby is simply horrific.

  • KarenH

    I am now firmly convinced that if Jesus himself came down and asked these yahoos, “If your child asks for bread, would you give him a stone?” they would respond with a resounding, “Yes!” and then give a chapter’s worth of Scriptural references why. And if Jesus had the bad manners to school them otherwise, they would deny his Christ-ship, and pronounce him one of Satan’s minions.

  • KarenH

    And behaviors that all too many of the men indulge in themselves with impunity because they’re supposedly leaders