Quoting Quiverfull: Taking Care of Your Needs Causes Misery?

Quoting Quiverfull: Taking Care of Your Needs Causes Misery? August 17, 2013

by Nancy Campbell at Above Rubies –  Miserable or Happy?

We are constantly bombarded in society today that we must take time for ourselves. Mothers are encouraged to take time for self-pampering. Does this make them happy? Unfortunately, no. I find that women who are so concerned about having time for themselves are usually more miserable than those who forget about themselves in the joy of serving their family.

It is a God-given principle that never fails to work. When we try to pamper self we lose our life. When we lay down our own life to serve others, we find our life. Jesus said in Mark 8:35, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.”

In fact, when Peter tried to pamper Jesus and advise him not to go to Jerusalem and face suffering and death, Jesus rebuked him, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s” (Matthew16:23 NLT).

Pouring out your life in self-serving love for your family will not impoverish you; it will empower you.

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nightshade

    Don’t you just love it when someone else comes along and tells you that you aren’t happy? It’s almost like they know you better than you know yourself, even if they have never met you.

  • Saraquill

    I fail to see how eating when I’m hungry or taking a shower with pretty smelling soap would make me sad.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I don’t get it either. When my kids were little I relished things like showers with pretty smelling soap where I wasn’t listening for little ones, reading a book sitting on the deck while the babies napped or lunch with friends. It recharged my batteries to be able to continue on being a good mom.

  • Kristen Rosser

    This is peculiar, really, as a Christian message. The verse being quoted really doesn’t have anything to do with what it’s being used to support.

    Jesus didn’t say, “when you lose your life to serve others, you will find it.” He said, “When you lose your life for my sake and the gospel’s, you will find it.” They really aren’t the same thing. He wasn’t talking about never taking time for yourself. Jesus himself took time for himself. And he wasn’t talking about general service of other people, not even of your family. That’s not the gospel. The gospel, in essence as Jesus preached it, was, “I am the Messiah and I’ve come to bring the kingdom of God– so put your trust in me.” This has somehow gotten conflated with the idea of becoming the self-abnegating mother of lots of kids. But neither Jesus nor the Apostles ever said the gospel — or the kingdom of God– had anything to do with that.

  • Kristen Rosser

    Also, from what I’ve seen of women in the Quiverfull movement, it’s not that women who “forget about themselves in the joy of serving their family” are less miserable– it’s that they learn to ignore their own misery. Women, on the other hand, who admit they’re miserable and take some time for themselves in consequence, are addressing their misery and dealing with it appropriately– by seeking to mitigate it. It’s not easy to raise young children. When I was doing it, I sometimes felt miserable too. But I also knew to do something about it, not just pretend it wasn’t happening.

  • Madame

    I was thinking about that, too.

  • Madame

    A friend and mother of six once said that she can’t understand mothers wanting “me-time” and wanting their figure back after having children.
    I silently disagreed while I stood there holding my two-week-old daughter, enjoying some relative me-time (my husband was at home with the boys and sent me off for a weekend to my sister’s wedding), knowing that I had two exercise videos sitting at home, waiting for the doctor’s clearing to start exercising.

    I think most these mothers don’t realize that they are actually making time for themselves to sit in front of the computer or read (awful) books.

    I think mothers are miserable when they expect life not to be the way it is with little children. I’ve felt miserable when I wanted the children to fit perfectly into a schedule, or when I wanted the house to stay tidy and clean. I’ve resented having to run around behind everyone picking up mess. I’ve resented it when children woke up too early when I had dragged myself out of bed early to get some exercise in. I’ve resented it when children woke up when I was finally settled with a book or watching a nice movie. I’ve wanted to scream when they opened the shower on me (because locking the door wasn’t an option). But I don’t think these irritations qualify as “being miserable”, just reasonably annoyed when it seems like you spent all day and half the night taking care of children and they still want your attention when you finally thought you could do something for yourself.

  • Baby_Raptor

    “In fact, when Peter tried to pamper Jesus and advise him not to go to Jerusalem and face suffering and death, Jesus rebuked him, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s” (Matthew16:23 NLT).”

    This right here proves that this woman either A) has no issues lying out her rear just to sound biblical or B) has no idea what “pamper” means.

    Here’s a hint: It doesn’t mean expressing concern that someone you care for is willingly going to basically commit suicide. It means taking a day at the spa.

  • Trollface McGee

    Um.. because having a mother that’s overly stressed out is good for the mother and baby alike? There are some rather horrific examples where too much stress, too many babies and post-partum issues ended in tragedy. Babies are stressful, you need some pampering and time to yourself.
    I’m growing ever convinced that all these people want is to suck the joy out of everything, like some sort of human dementor.

  • teaisbetterthanthis

    I think Nancy’s confusing “more honest about stressors and mental health” with “unhappier”. Sure, women who have therapy appointments and who talk about things that stress them out SOUND unhappy, but they’re often happier because they’re dealing with things that make them unhappy.

    The fake-happy women who refuse to acknowledge that they’re stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, or just miserable are unhappy. I can guarantee you that.

  • teaisbetterthanthis

    Or taking a nap or a walk, or spending an evening with friends (and no kids), or HAVING friends outside of your immediate family.

  • shuttergirl46q

    All I know is that life got a lot smoother when I started taking afternoon naps and going to bed early during maternity leave. Oh, and my newborn was a lot calmer, too!

  • KarenJo12

    Luke 10:40 – 42: 40 “But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.

    41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

    42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

  • texcee

    Me, neither. When my daughter was little, I considered it a luxury to shave both legs on the same day!