Quoting Quiverfull: A Truly Submissive Heart For Marriage?

Quoting Quiverfull: A Truly Submissive Heart For Marriage? December 2, 2013

by Matthew Chapman – Thoughts on Betrothal (15 Years Later)

Many Christian homeschooling homes, on the other hand, seem to provide young women with a more natural context in which to come forth—that is, if the parents have an eye for this and their time is used wisely. This is not only true in daughters learning homemaking skills from their mothers, but in the Lord fashioning in them a gentle and quiet spirit. Daughters can also develop a truly submissive heart in how they relate to their parents, and particularly their father, for one day they will have another man with whom they must submissively relate to as their head.

I know that in my case, I cannot even begin to fully communicate the wonderful gift Maranatha’s father gave to me in his daughter on the day we married. All her life, he had called her to trust him and follow him, even when she didn’t understand or, perhaps, even agree with how he was leading her, and she did. A few nights before our wedding feast, when Maranatha was dressed and ready and waiting for me to come, the doorbell rang and it was her dad who showed up instead. He assured her the wedding feast was not that particular night, and asked her to change her clothes and join him for a special dinner. He took her to a nice restaurant where they had a wonderful evening talking and sharing and laughing and crying together. Then, at one point, he told her, “Sweetheart, all your life you have submitted to me, trusted me, and followed me, and you have done this well. But, when Matthew comes and takes you, all of that transfers over to him, even if that means he leads you in ways that vary from how I would do things.” And when I went to get her, she followed her dad’s final lead right into my headship of her. Wow! Did I walk into a good deal or what?! I’ll tell you what though, having a wife with a heart like that makes you all the more want to seek the Lord and lead her faithfully.

Comments open below


QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Brennan

    Yeah, I’m sure it was all the homeschooling that created that “submissive heart” and it had nothing to do with the fact that when they got married he was twenty-eight and she was fifteen. Because that’s “natural.”

  • persephone

    Ugh, gross, gross, GROSS!

  • KarenH

    I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the idea that for three full weeks, her father and fiance just fuck with her to the point that every single day, she has to be packed, dressed for a wedding and ready to go, the second her obnoxious bridegroom finally decides to grace her with a wedding.

    What the everlasting fuck….

  • Makes me want to puke. This is modern America, not some third world Taliban nation.

  • I went back and read the whole article. It gets worse.

    “…Parents, I would also charge you to consider this. The way many Christian homeschooling parents raise their daughters, they mature rather quickly and develop significant capacities by a relatively young age. By their middle-teens,
    many daughters (but by no means all) possess the maturity and skills to run their own home. My point is to encourage you to be open to the Lord and take to heart that some of your daughters may be ready to marry sooner than your preconceived ideas have allowed for. And why not, if they are truly ready? What is the purpose of holding out for a predetermined numeric age if they are legitimately prepared and the Lord has brought His choice of a young man along for her? Don’t be surprised if this is some of the fruit of your good parenting in bringing forth mature, well-equipped, Godly young daughters. However, I seldom think this will be the case for most young men—it takes them (us) a lot longer
    to get to where they need to be. I have also seen that, oftentimes, a
    difference in age—even a significant one—with the man being older, helps
    make for a better fit…”

    There is something truly disturbing about all of this. Marry ’em off young and nubile. They can breed more godly white children that way. In other words, women have no rights, none at all.

  • Nea

    The words for this are not “true submission,” they are “sex slavery.”

  • Trollface McGee

    Which is ironic seeing all their campaigns against sex slavery in the brown countries and their condemnation of arranged/forced marriages in those other cultures.

  • Saraquill

    This gets worse the longer I read it. A parent is not supposed to be a practice spouse. Children are not possessions to be passed around at will. CONSENT is a @#$%ing important factor in spending the rest of one’s life with another.

    Excuse me while I find eye bleach.

  • Saraquill

    This so many times.

  • tulips


  • Independent Thinker

    I wonder if Maranatha ever had a wide spectrum sexual education. That would include information on STD’s, birth defects, genetic disorders, women’s health, reproductive health, and pregnancy complications. My gut says she didn’t because the couple brags about never having a hospital birth and have opted for only home births. No girl or woman should be having sex even within a marriage until she fully understands the full scope of a comprehensive sex education. The Taliban anology is spot on. Women overseas and within the FLDS often don’t even know from a scientific standpoint how babies are made.

  • Yeah, Chapman, you walked into a good deal. She– didn’t.

    And quite honestly, I can’t understand why this was what you wanted. Healthy men don’t want little-girl servants for wives. Healthy men want little girls to grow up into healthy, strong women. They would never enter into marriage with one, and especially not this authority-subordinate travesty of marriage you entered into. Talk about “unequally yoked”!

  • Betty Eyer

    Just in case, for a moment, she might think her life was about her. Can’t have that.

  • persephone

    Brainwashing, pure and simple. And it was up to the father as to when his daughter got married. He was jerking around the groom, too. This kind of control just screams “PSYCHOPATH.”

  • persephone

    I’m sure she had absolutely no sex education. They believe the husband should teach the wife. Extreme Muslims believe that a girl should be married off before her first menstrual cycle.

  • Nea

    It’s different because bible

  • Saraquill

    O.O They did what? Between the lack of education, medical supervision and the age she married, I’d be very surprised if no complications surfaced.

  • Catherine

    Yeah. Stockholm Syndrome is just sooooo romantic, don’t ya know?

  • Catherine

    Wait, what? I missed that part.


  • Brennan
  • The only thing I’ll say is that back when I was 19-20, I got to a point where I wouldn’t even consider dating a man younger than 30. Any of the guys my age were just so two-dimensional and boring, whereas if I met someone older, they had some life experience and some observations about complex topics and I could actually have a conversation with them. So an age difference isn’t necessarily creepy.

    That said, the idea that parents are anywhere close to qualified to pick out a spouse for their child sickens me.

  • Is anyone else creeped out by the term “wedding feast”? I put that in the category of “Let’s take the Bible SO literally that we restrict our vocabulary to words found in our particular designer translation of the Bible.”

  • Fledgeling Feminist


  • Independent Thinker

    I don’t use the word rape lightly but I don’t see how you can consent to a sexual act when you don’t fully understand what is happening to you own body.

  • Toni Coughlin

    Ugh… There’s nothing wrong with dom/sub personalities and relationships, but they must be entered into willingly by educated, free-thinking adults, who experimented and figured out what they like ON THEIR OWN. So THEY can find someone THEY love and trust enough to enter into that kind of relationship with.

    You DO NOT brainwash little girls to be sex slaves and then hand them off to a man of your choosing; a man who is most likely to abuse and harm them, because you never allowed them to set their own boundaries.

    This is disgusting.

  • roguishknight

    When one older man passes his daughter to another older man, we don’t call that “marriage” in this day and age. This reads like something straight out of BDSM manuals, except without the emphasis on consent and pleasure.

  • Chan

    Remember, it’s not rape if daddy and the groom who’s twice your age say yes