Quoting Quiverfull: Opposite Sex Friendships?

Quoting Quiverfull: Opposite Sex Friendships? February 5, 2014

Peggy and Don from “Mad Men”

by Jonathan Lindvall from the Bold Christian Living Yahoo Group

  Do you have any ministry for teens/young people (and their parents) about
  leaving a romantic relationship because it wasn’t God’s time yet, how to leave
  that relationship and how to pursue that previous friendship as a “friendship

  and sister/brother in Christ” rather than the previous romantic interest? (I
  do hope I am clear – please let me know if I am not.)
  I have read most of your teachings on youthful romance and dating, etc. (which
  are excellent), and have not seen this topic dealt with specifically. (I may
  have not looked in the right places.)
I think I understand your question. If I understand correctly, you are
asking how young people can back out of a romantic relationship to a
friendship state rather than completely breaking it off. I address some
of the principles related to this in the tape “Shameface Romance”
(#907), but let me give my short answer here.

Basically, I don’t believe in special “friendships” between men and
women that could in any form be considered a “companionship.” As a
married man, I must not allow myself to be “friends” with any other
woman besides my wife. Together we can be friends with another couple,
or either a man or a woman. But individually, both my wife and I must
limit our close friendship relationships to only those of our own
gender. I can be friendly, without being “close friends.” I can interact
with other women in ministry, cordially, but their must be a certain
reserve, a cautiousness that is unnecessary in my relationships with
other men. Most married Christians recognize and embrace this dynamic. I
believe this is what 1 Timothy 2:9 refer to as being “shamefaced.”

The trap is that while most married Christians understand and apply this
in their lives (hopefully) we have genrally(sic) failed to apply it to single
Christians. I am convinced if there is something that is inappropriate
for me to with a woman I’m not married to, it is also inappropriate for
my son to do this with a woman he is not married to.

Thus, I would make a significant distinction between a “brother-sister
relationship” and a “friendship relationship.” I have asked my daughter
to commit to not being “friends” (companions) with fellows in the same
way she can be “friends” with other young ladies. She can be cautiously
friendly with men. She can minister to them. She can receive ministry
from them. But she must not allow herself to violate her
“shamefacedness” (the Greek word means literally: “downcast eyes”).

Now to your actual question. In my brevity this may sound harsh. I will
trust you to color this with a merciful spirit. I believe any
experimental romance is sin and should be repented of. Even any
“brother-sister” relationship has been irreparably marred, but can be
redeemed over time as both parties repent and seek only to glorify the
Lord through emotional purity. But I believe it is dangerous and
unscriptural (as well as impossible) for the parties to try to be “just

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce


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