Quoting Quiverfull: Don’t Think About Sex EVER If You Are Unmarried?

Quoting Quiverfull: Don’t Think About Sex EVER If You Are Unmarried? March 8, 2014

by India Irving with quotes from Jessa, Jinger, Jill and Jana Duggar posted at Hollywood Life – ’19 Kids & Counting’ Girls ‘Avoid Men’ & ‘Censor Thoughts’ To Stay Virgins

However, until they are married, they aren’t even supposed to THINK about anything associated with baby making! “It’s easy to put yourself into physical and moral danger and give into those emotions or sensual thoughts that promise pleasant, but only temporary, fulfillment,” the girls explain in their tell-all book Growing Up Duggar.

But how do they avoid those thoughts when do come? “By censoring our thoughts through the filter of God’s word, we will be able to recant any wrong thoughts or temptations that try to sneak in.”

So basically I’m picturing sex thoughts creeping up and then being battled by Bible verses with swords.

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce


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  • lodrelhai

    Filter sexual thoughts through God’s word, hm?

    I wonder how often they’ve read Song of Solomon…

  • Independent Thinker

    The idea that a magic wand gets waived at the wedding alter transforming a female from non-sexual to a sexual is absurd and a recipe for sexual dysfunction.

  • Joy

    I used to read that during church because I was bored. It looked “proper”. After all, it looked like I was reading my Bible during the message…

  • Trollface McGee

    Well… if you’re thinking about sex as “baby-making” you’ve got some issues already.
    But yeah, “God-filter,” I don’t buy it. Sexual attraction is a physical response that’s pretty much automatic. And what is the danger with “thoughts?” Even if you believe that you should wait until marriage until having sex, there is a tiny bit of a huge difference between thinking about something and doing it.

  • Allison the Great

    I think it’s high time people stop thinking it’s shameful to be human. Sex is a part of being human, it’s natural and we think about it. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with sex or thinking about it. I think about it all the time. Does that mean that I’m immoral? NOPE. Does that mean that when I think about it, that it opens the door to me going to orgies and shit? NO.

    Thinking of sex as shameful is unhealthy. You need to have a healthy attitude about sex, and not thinking about it before you’re married is very unhealthy. It makes the transition from being a nonsexual being to a sexual being harder. I also think it’s a good idea to have sex with someone before you marry them. Why? Because you need to be sexually compatible. I can’t imagine anything worse than being sexually naive and then marrying some slob that your father picked that doesn’t satisfy your needs at all. Whether these women will admit it or not, they DO have those kinds of needs. We all do!

  • persephone

    That’s a reason they have communal bedrooms. That huge house has only three bedrooms.

  • persephone

    When religion controls your sex life, then it can really control you.

  • Guest

    This is really sad, but I think it is the reason behind the three bedrooms. Michelle says it’s because they want to be together, but I think it’s a strategy to keep them from having space of their own and the privacy and individuality that represents.

  • Guest

    The Bible says that if you have thoughts about something, it’s like you’ve already done it. Covet the wife of your neighbor and you’ve already committed adultery with her, or something like that.
    I guess that’s the idea. Not that I agree.

  • Guest

    You’re right, DD. Repressing thoughts abut sex is unhealthy. learning to control oneself and not become overly obsessed with sexual thoughts is also important, but I find that not obsessing is easier if sex is seen as something natural and talked about naturally. I remember most of my classmates and peers in my teens were obsessed with sex and relationships. As we all grew up, got into steady relationships and we experienced sex as part of our lives, the obsession went away.

    Most Christians are ok with couples spending time alone, kissing, holding hands and getting pretty sexual with each other. We all suspect that couples are struggling with the boundaries they lay down for themselves though many don’t talk about the struggle. Basically, the only thing that’s kept for the marriage bed is sexual intercourse.
    The Duggars don’t do anything of the sort. Holding hands is about as far as they can go, and that while sitting with many chaperones in some public place. But at least they get to court and say no!
    In Von’s world, thoughts about sex means they need to get married NOW, to anyone who happens to be available.

  • Nea

    Almost? Grown women have no privacy and no escape from their own pseudo-children.

  • Nea

    Which is why cults always focus hard on it.

  • Nea

    Yes, I always take life advice from deeply sheltered, miseducated girls. They have so much to teach me. /sarcasm

    What really ices the fail cake is that the only reason anyone even cares what these girls think about sex is solely because their parents are famous for *having it!*

  • a-mckeown

    Did you know that in some Christian circles, folks are told to never read the Song of Solomon if they are not married.

  • Sex thoughts battling with Bible verses? Me being a sexual woman – with some sexy thoughts – is not the enemy of my beliefs. (I am unmarried, a Christian, I have sexual thoughts which I don’t believe I need to repent of.)

  • Trollface McGee

    I was reading some interpretations of those verses and most scholars agree that the Greek didn’t just refer to thoughts but actual acts. But then again, it’s a matter of interpretation and that interpretation isn’t the one that’s convenient for them.

  • Saraquill

    They’re the caretakers for the scads of younger siblings their parents insist on producing. How can they not think about sex related things when they’ve had to work so closely with babies?

  • Guest

    That’s the “literal translation”. You know that these people don’t do “interpretations” – except when the interpretation supports their belief, of course-.

  • Guest

    Yes. I agree.

  • Trollface McGee

    Very true.

  • Independent Thinker

    Jana is now 24 and has never had her own bedroom.

  • Guest

    You are a healthy woman whose mind functions the way it’s supposed to.

  • Guest

    In a smaller, non-custom-built house, you could expect such a large family to have to share bedrooms. I only got a room of my own when I moved out at 21. Up to then, I had always had to share my room with one, then two, then three sisters.
    Jana doesn’t have the freedom to move out and find a place of her own.

  • attackfish

    Yes, I combat my sexual thoughts with verses from the Song of Solomon. The thoughts and the verses do battle. Hot sweaty battle.

  • Jewel

    Great point, ND!

  • Jewel

    Absolutely. I have read horror story after horror story on other blogs where the young couple believed in waiting until marriage, and then they end up in a sexless marriage because the wife if so terrified of sex that she is unable to engage in it either for psychological or even physical reasons. What a nightmare.

  • Jewel

    Good grief. And then there are those who teach it is strictly and allegory of the relationship between Christ and the Church. Yeah, right….

  • Jewel

    I have read an interpretation that says that those verses were referring to thoughts with the intent of following through with the act if the opportunity presented itself. I personally don’t see where you can draw that line, but whatever. I guess I’m guilty then, because I would definitely follow through with some thoughts if given the opportunity. 🙂

  • Trollface McGee

    Well the one I was looking up specifically was the “if you look upon a woman with lust you’ve committed adultery” one – which pisses me off to no end – and most scholars agree that it’s more than just the thought some action, like creepy leering would be required.
    Not that I think lust and acting on lust are bad – I just hate the way fundies make the smallest things – even thoughts – sins on the level of mass genocide – trivialising serious crimes and making people feel guilty about perfectly normal things.

  • Jewel

    Agree totally.

  • Catherine

    Huh. I masturbated pretty regularly at that age. I’d say I must have done something wrong but I’m very happily married now so…yeah.

  • Indomable

    This! So much! I’m on year two of marriage and still trying to figure out how to flip the damn switch. Purity teachings are evil

  • Nightshade

    They’re living in a 1984-like world where thoughtcrime is a thing.

  • KarenH

    That was pretty much my question. When Mom and Dad’s big public thing is “Look as Us and How Many Babies We Make!!!” how are they going to claim they don’t even think about how babies get made??

  • Care to share some links? I’d love to read up on such stories!

  • Jewel


    The article is short but makes a good point. You have to scroll down to the comments to really get the “meat”.


    This is the one that really has the most heartbreaking posts. I had never heard of vaginismus until I stumbled across this site.

  • Vaughn Ohlman

    I haven’t read the book, nor the quote in context, but would want to say, as one fanatical full quiver patriarchalist etc etc… that I don’t think it is at all appropriate to say that we shouldn’t teach our children all about sex, and encourage them to ask questions about sex, or teach them that sex thoughts are sinful.
    They may be, obviously, but they need not be.

  • Edie Moore McGee

    I went to the “other university” (the one that isn’t Bob Jones) in Greenville, SC, and stores like that were the source of legend even back in the 70’s when I was there.

  • 0000

    Hah, my sister was like 7 years old when out church had a Sunday school class on that. Yeah, she wasn’t sheltered thank goodness.

  • 0000

    So in other words don’t be a creepy leering dude?