Quoting Quiverfull: When Leaders Fail We Women Should.. What?..Shut Up?

Quoting Quiverfull: When Leaders Fail We Women Should.. What?..Shut Up? March 19, 2014

by Natural Cottage Mama posted at Ladies Against Feminism and Little Natural Cottage – How should Christian women respond when great men fall?
My heart absolutely sank.

It’s not true.  I don’t believe it.  

Those were the words that raced through my mind when I read about the recent, alleged sex scandals of two of the homeschooling movement’s most prominent men.  These stories have shocked and disappointed thousands of Christian families, including mine.

This article isn’t about these men or their alleged sins.

What I want to discuss is how should we as Christian women respond to these kinds of situations?

1. Don’t gossip about it. 

Jesus gave instructions on how to deal with someone else’s sin  (Matthew 18:6-17).  Gossiping and hashing out ugly details is just not in the mix.

Does this mean that women have to pretend that nothing happened?  Absolutely not.  There are times to speak up, and times to hold our peace.

How we choose to speak is as important as when we choose to speak:

As Christian women, we need to be aware of how our words can either build up or damage our homes, our churches, and the kingdom of God.

2. Don’t believe everything you hear or read.

Information has a way of being twisted, misunderstood, and misrepresented, both by word-of-mouth and online.

Don’t believe or repeat “facts” unless you know them to be facts.  Don’t sensationalize circumstances or information.  Be discreet.

Social media creates an easy environment for “news” and “details” to circulate and be discussed.  Be careful!

Comments open below

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull and Spiritual Abuse honestly and thoughtfully

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce


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  • Nea

    So…. a movement founded on spreading The Truth to unbelievers should not discuss or even determine the accuracy of truths members find personally painful about their own, because Bible.

    After all, there’s nothing at ALL damaging to homes, churches, or God to ignore inconvenient facts, call witnesses liars, call victims bitter liars, and pour scorn and fury on anyone trying to determine the truth. There is equally nothing damaging to the above by trying to conflate felonious behavior with minor missteps, accusing non-felons of being “sinners in the eyes of god too,” and of repeatedly saying that a sufficiently verse-filled not-pology is totes the same as stopping the crime and/or being actually punished for wrongdoing.

  • I read the original and tried to post a comment. I think there is some inconsistency between calling them ‘great men’ in the title and then advising against putting men on pedestals…

  • “Don’t believe or repeat “facts” unless you know them to be facts.”

    I wonder if they do the same with others as they tell us to do with the stories of these home school leaders? For example, Bill Gothard, according to recovering Grace, told lots of anecdotes at his conferences. Did she or her ilk repeat any of them to their families, to people they wanted to urge to go to the conferences, or to whoever, without knowing them to be facts?

    Bill also told things like how Cabbage Patch kids or troll dolls or denim jeans or certain types of music can bring demonic influences – did she and her ilk make sure that is true before repeating it?

    Many of them did not. The point is that she probably don’t really believe in “Don’t believe or repeat “facts” unless you know them to be facts.” She uses this as an excuse to give her idols a free pass, while chances are she won’t treat others whom she dislike the same way when they err.
    (If, for example, Hillary Clinton or Barak Obama allegedly does something both morally wrong and highly hypocritical, considering what they claim to stand for, I bet she won’t call us to shut up until we have all the facts.)

  • gimpi1

    That’s what I noticed first, Lolly. For a group more than eager to invent and spread malicious gossip about the Affordable Care Act, teachers unions, Child Protective Services, public schools, the Democratic party and pretty much anything out of their little bubble, they have a lot of nerve to demand everyone take the high-ground when it’s their ox being gored.

  • “Lalalalala…I can’t hear anything…lalalalala…everything is perfect!”
    Surely that game would get old after awhile.

  • SAO

    Never discuss what went wrong, either with the individuals caught or with the culture that discouraged recognition of wrongdoing.

    Yep, that will certainly uphold the kingdom of God and prevent something similar from ever happening again.

    And by all means, never question if men regularly labeled as Godly and followed as leaders are actually worthy of it. That way, they can be rehabilitated and, after a few perfunctory apologies, resume their roles as leaders and keep the money rolling in to the institution.

  • Indomable

    Read the article and regretted clicking almost immediately. And the funny thing is, had these events been perpetrated by “secular liberals” there would be no hesitation to share the gossip. It kills me how religious leaders get to be treated by a different set of rules

  • Astrin Ymris

    In her article, she denies requiring women to be silent, saying that there’s a time and place to speak, provided women do so in the correct manner.

    But– though she gives a laundry list of how women SHOULDN’T speak about revered preachers who turn out to be sexual predators– she never gets around to identifying the correct “time and place” for women to speak out, or explaining how women are supposed to “choose to speak” once this undefined opportunity occurs.

    Telling omission, isn’t it?

  • tulips

    Their definition of the high ground sounds a lot like STFU. I’m surprised they haven’t pulled the bitter unforgiving heart card yet but the day is young.

  • tulips

    Upvoted infinity.

  • Astrin Ymris


  • Fledgeling Feminist

    “As Christian women, we need to be aware of how our words can
    either build up or damage our homes, our churches, and the kingdom of

    This is actually pretty standard Gothard: One mistep and God will remove protection from your precious home.

    Because women, amirite? And their words! So destructive towards the Kingdom! Because when the sex abuse shit hits the fan, let’s all pay close attention to women’s words, and make sure that they watch it. Because talking about abuse is more unforgivable than actually committing abuse. Controlling this was so much easier when women had nothing but little monthly magazines, all “written under the covering of my husband” and printed in grayscale. Blogs and the internet are the worst.

  • Jewel

    But funny how the internet and social media are great when it comes to them spreading their propaganda.

  • Jewel

    And how sad and ironic is it that so much of their movement is built upon the fear that our children will be abused, molested, raped, kidnapped, etc. by someone “out there” in the BIG BAD WORLD, thus all the extreme sheltering. Guess it’s okay if it’s a “godly” man, must have been God’s will. But if it were someone else, it happened because God’s protection was removed from you because you stepped out of line somewhere.

  • Jewel

    Yes, NeaDods, don’t you know that gossiping and telling little white lies are totes on the same level as pedophilia and murder? Come on, take the mote out of your own eye before you try to take the sliver out of one of these “great men of God’s” eyes!! (Hope you hear the dripping sarcasm).

  • Jewel

    On the subject of “gossiping”, someone please correct me if I’m wrong, but where exactly in the Bible does it say not to gossip?

  • I had literally 20 Cabbage Patch dolls when I was a kid…still do, actually…my poor mom should have recognized it as a sign of demonic influences back then. I’m sure proper training-a la Pearl-would have saved us both a lot of trouble!

  • Nicely spotted!

  • Christie

    That is not even scriptural. What has been whispered in the darkness needs to be brought into the light. Hiding or obfuscating such serious sin and serious theological errors is wrong. Sunlight is the very best disinfectant.

    We do need to discuss this. We do need to reevaluate what teachings we have been following, based on the knowledge that some of it could have come from a man who was willing to have a long term relationship with a significantly younger woman while he was married. That is serious stuff. That is not a simply failing of a man, but rather a thought out process of a dual life. We need to check ourselves and each other to make certain we are following God, not men.

    When leaders fall it is a good time to reevaluate things and to examine ourselves. To sit down and shut up and simply follow along bleakly and meekly is unwise. We need to make sure we are following the Good Shepherd and not the hired hands.

    Sorry LAF, sometimes I like your stuff, but in this case you are off base.

  • Christie

    Troll dolls were just weird, but what in the world could be wrong with Cabbage Patch dolls. I had a very nice one I liked very much.