Quoting Quiverfull: Loving Your Children Too Much Is Idolatry?

Quoting Quiverfull: Loving Your Children Too Much Is Idolatry? April 27, 2014

by Det Bowers, pastor at Christ Church of the Carolinas and candidate for Lindsay Graham’s Senate seat in AATTP.org – Pastor and GOP Candidate: Women Cause Divorce Because They Love Their Children Too Much

Det Bowers, one of six challengers for Graham’s Senatorial seat, said in a sermon at the Christ Church of the Carolinas in a podcast that was removed prior to the June 10 primaries (audio obtained by Politico), “I find that in about 95 percent of broken marriages, though the husband’s the one that ran out on his wife, the wife loves her children more than she does her husband. That is an abominable idolatry.”

Bowers then directly addressed the women in the congregation. Do you hear me, ladies?” Bowers said. “It is an abominable idolatry to love your children more than you love your husband, and it will ruin your marriage. And yet you blame it on him because he ran off with some other woman! He did run off with some other woman, and you packed his bags. All of his emotional bags, you packed for him. Is that true in every case? No, but it’s true in the vast preponderance of them.”

 

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Aimee Shulman

    I like how he assumes that in every case, the wife only started being more attached to her kids BEFORE the husband cheated or otherwise deserted/betrayed her.

  • Jewel

    Exactly! Is loving your husband more than God just as abominable a type of idolatry as loving your children more than your husband? Oh, no, that’s impossible. Your husband IS your god in patriarchy.

  • Jewel

    Finding a hard time commenting on this without using profanity. Wishing I was young and bold like my gal DoubleDukes and could drop the F- bomb liberally in response to this guy. 😉

    Just imagining him standing at the podium saying, “Do you hear me ladies…?” ….grrrr…would love to have something explosive to throw at him.

  • Nea

    I hope his political opponents (and the Daily Show) run that clip several times a day.

  • Allison the Great

    That’s the fundamentalist motto : “Whatever goes wrong, blame the woman” or better yet “You didn’t do anything wrong! Your wife did. Doesn’t matter if you beat her and cheated on her or if you tried to fuck the children in your congregation, it’s her fault!”

    Child worship is not acceptable, but penis worship is. What. The. Fuck.

  • Allison the Great

    Yes, they must run that clip. I’m rooting for Lindsey Graham on this one.

  • Allison the Great

    And here I was trying to clean up my fucking language.

  • Astrin Ymris

    You know, I’ve noticed in the general culture a tendency to blame women when men do something wrong– like a conditioned reflex. It seemed like whenever a story came out about some man caught sexuallly abusing his kids, a loud chorus would arise calling for charges to be brought against the MOTHER as well, on the grounds that she “must have known about it” and hadn’t stopped him!

  • Allison the Great

    Well to be honest, I can kind of see why they would do that. My mother was molested by her father for many years. She told her mother repeatedly, yet my grandmother did absolutely nothing about it. She didn’t even talk to her husband about it. For years she turned a blind eye to it. When my mother was old enough to get pregnant, she thought that my grandfather had gotten her pregnant and when my grandmother found out she accused my mother of some pretty horrid things. Like stealing her husband, and seducing him. He started molesting my mother when she was 3, how the fuck can a 3-year-old seduce a grown man?

    Unfortunately in homes with sexual abuse, that story is not unique. I’ve met girls who went through the same thing. There are women who feel that their daughters are competition, and are stealing their husbands away. It’s sick, and it’s sad.

  • Jewel

    LOL! Don’t change, DD! You’re great! 🙂

  • Jewel

    And it takes a real douchebag to make one say they are rooting for Lindsey Graham!!

  • Astrin Ymris

    I don’t dispute that this happens, unfortunately. I’m sorry that it happened to your mother. 🙁

    I just find it disturbing that people leap to the conclusion that in EVERY case, the mother “had to have known” what was going on, and should have “stopped it”.

  • B.E. Miller

    Yet reverencing God by reverencing your husband is not considered idolatry…. Hmmm…

  • Allison the Great

    Too right you are. In most cases they assume that since it kept happening under her roof, the mother had to be a party to it, but as you say, that’ snot always the case.

  • Allison the Great

    I know, lol! When Lindsey Graham gets voted out, he can always be an audiobook narrator. Can you imagine him doing Gone With the Wind?

  • B.E. Miller

    Don’t know if anyone has seen it, but Chris Billings did a documentary (Lost Sparrow) about his two adopted Crow brothers who ran away from home and died. (During his childhood.) What he discovered was that his father had been molesting one of the adopted brothers’ sister.

    The interviews with his mother are interesting. She constantly contradicts herself. Billings points out that while his mother was never physically abused, she was constantly belittled and emotionally/verbally abused by her husband. It’s as if she couldn’t make up her own mind, or know her own mind without his approval.

    I’m wondering if that’s possible in many molestation cases. That the molester is emotionally/verbally abusing the spouse, so the spouse believes that they cannot report the abuse, or that spouse is mistaken in thinking that the molester is abusing the child.

  • B.E. Miller

    See my comment below about a documentary “Lost Sparrow” and possible emotional/verbal abuse of spouse by the molester.

  • Astrin Ymris

    BTW, aside from the issue of how often mothers know about their husband’s sexually abusing their kids, here’s an example of a commenter wanting a woman charged for her husband’s beating a baby WHILE SHE WAS AWAY FROM HOME.

    http://www.reformtalk.net/2014/04/21/how-could-you-hall-of-shame-paul-teldeschi/#comment-66709

  • Astrin Ymris

    The really putrid irony is that in a lot of the child deaths in foster care, the REASON that the child was taken into custody was that “the mother was in an abusive relationship”.

    And that’s it. Not that the child was being mistreated in any way in the home, but that the MOTHER was being abused. Presumably, the child was yanked because of the potential for being abused– despite the known fact that kids are more likely to be abused in foster care than with their biological parents.

    It also seems that in a lot of cases the child was placed with parents in the “foster adopt” program, which means that parental rights were expected to be severed. This makes one wonder if privatized child protective services departments are using women in abusive relationships as de facto baby farms, rather than offering the services and supports needed to help her get away from the abuser.

  • Allison the Great

    Now that shit’s just messed up. She had no control over that.

  • gimpi1

    OK, everybody, lets all be sure to tell everyone we know who might cast a vote for this fellow just what he believes. Truth in packaging. Let everyone in his district know just what a child-hating, woman-blaming fool he is.

  • gimpi1

    Jewel, like you I’m torn between f-bombs and real bombs to lob at this fellow. I imagine responding, “We hear you fine. Do you hear THIS!” (Lobs grenade.)

  • Nightshade

    Please don’t. It’s very appropriate for the subject matter being discussed!

  • Allison the Great

    Thanks. A lot of the issues that we discuss here kind of bring out a rage in me. I’ve always had trouble understanding why one gender is considered so evil and sinful just by existing.

  • Jewel

    Totes creepy!!

  • Jewel

    I believe very often.

    And how often may she have called the police to intervene in a domestic incident, but they found “no sufficient evidence”, or that they were “both at fault”, and the authorities did nothing. Then those very same authorities will say (when they find out that the children were also abused) that the mother is just as guilty because she didn’t leave sooner. How could she have?

  • Allison the Great

    He’d make a great Scarlet O’Hara!

  • Saraquill

    You handle explosives, and I handle the bags of poo? The man might as well be covered in the stuff that comes out if his mouth.

  • B.E. Miller

    I also wonder if in the Billings/Stands Over Bull case, there was also some racism. In that the social workers didn’t bother to assists the children’s biological mother, because she was ‘just an injun’.

  • B.E. Miller

    I think that’s the part of how it’s “always the woman’s fault” that exists in parts of society.

  • Nightshade

    Good bit of rage here too. I haven’t entirely gotten past being taught not to use ‘naughty’ words, have no problem whatsoever hearing/reading them, they’re just words, but my tongue/fingers don’t seem to be entirely getting the message. I can like your posts and cuss vicariously through your words…sad rationalization on my part, isn’t it?

  • Allison the Great

    To be honest, I’ve always been fascinated by curse words. I, like you, have always seen them as just words. It’s true that you can’t say them when you’re in certain situations or places, but the subject matter that they represent isn’t something that’s supposed to be discussed in the public square anyway.
    I recognize that to others, these words can be taboo (though I’ve noticed that in the past 10 years or so, their usage has been normalized and people have been desensitized to them) and that’s fine. There are words that mean horrible things to me that I consider to be inappropriate, but fuck, ass, shit, dick, cocksucker, etc are not among these. I find it interesting that there are people who are more horrified by hearing me say/seeing me write these words than they are by the terrible injustices that take place in this world every day.

  • 1) Idolatry is defined as putting something above or beside God. The only way that loving children more than husband can be idolatry, is if the husband is regarded as God.

    Det Bowers is probably guilty of idolatry – talking as if husbands are God or equal to God.

    2) I don’t think he knows anything of divorce. “in about 95 percent of broken marriages, though the husband’s the one that ran out on his wife..” For that statement to be true, 95% of divorces, or more, needs to be husband-initiated. It is not true in the USA – or anywhere in the Western world – that 95% of divorces are husband-initiated.

  • Jewel

    No, I am the same way! Spent so many years “unlearning” my “heathern” behavior, and making myself into a proper Christian lady. I can’t quite revert back to my 20-something, F-bombing self. So I cuss vicariously through DoubleDukes on a daily basis myself! 🙂

  • Allison the Great

    It’s sick that shit still exists today. I just don’t understand why someone is less worthy of help because of something so stupid as skin color, culture, religion or gender. “Well that person’s black/mexican/injun/muslim/godless/a woman/asian! That’s how it is-” at that point I cut them off “no, bitch, they’re human”

  • Astrin Ymris

    From what I’ve seen, social workers don’t assist women of ANY race with an abusive partner– they just snatch their kids to “fill requests” of parents on the foster/adopt list.

    Now, Native American kids (as I understand it) can’t be adopted outside the tribe without the tribal council’s permission, so it’s possible that privatized child welfare departments don’t see cause to take any action about domestic abuse, since the kids can’t be placed with fee-paying foster/adopt program parents. IOW, the situation isn’t a “revenue generating opportunity”.