Abusive Child Discipline Advice?

Abusive Child Discipline Advice? May 6, 2014
When you Google ‘Spanking Paddle’ most of the images are sexualized?

One of the friends of NLQ wrote a letter asking a certain husband and wife duo who is absolutely beloved by the homeschooling Evangelical world for their advice on raising good Christian children who never rebel. He never identifies exactly who they are, but their identity is obvious.

Here’s his original query:

My son is six years old, and he cries excessively when I correct him with the Rod. I know the crying is unnecessary because he begins before I’ve even hit him. He falls on the floor and screams murder if I even look like I might be ready to spank him.

I’ve shown my wife how he freaks out when I have not even touched him, but she insists on interrupting every time I spank. She’s taught him that he can get out of being disciplined by making a lot of noise. I spank at least twice a week, more often if needed. I use my belt, which is how my dad disciplined me. As I’ve said, my son is very theatrical. I have told him that he can either stand up or lay on the bed for his spanking. He chooses to stand, then hops around as if I am killing him. I aim for his butt, but with him moving I am getting his back half the time. He also likes to fall down and cover his butt by kneeling or squatting. If he won’t get up, I give him a few strokes on the back to encourage him. Sometimes even this doesn’t work and I wind up chasing him around the bed.

My wife insists that I am spanking too often and too harshly. She gets upset if she sees a welt or a small bruise, especially above the waist. My son is quite the little actor. I’m glad we don’t have any neighbors nearby because by the sound of his screaming you would think a murder was going on! Aside from being plain annoying, his behavior is creating problems for me and my wife. She is so overprotective that my authority is undermined. The kids (I have an older son also) are carrying on like monkeys and she will not let me spank, or when I do, she will not let me do more than a couple of “love taps.”

I tried spanking them when she was out of the house, but of course my younger son reported me to his mother and we had a fight. That one ended with her packing her suitcase and going to her sister’s house.

I am at my wit’s end trying to figure out what to do about my wife’s meddling and my son’s screaming! Please help!!

Do you know what this wonderful, loving, child expert, the female half, had to say to all this?

Your wife is at fault in coming to your son’s defense. Your son uses her. Either she stays out of the way, or you will have to stop being a real Dad.

Read the rest of the posting at the letter writers blog – M. Dolon Hickmon, author of 13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession. Set against a backdrop of murder and heavy-metal music, 13:24 examines lives touched by spiritual child abuse and malicious physical punishment. Written with input from experts in relevant fields, it is a fast-paced crime thriller that entertains as it informs. Learn more at the book’s website, http://1324book.com

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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  • Allison the Great

    Oh of course She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named blames the woman! It really speaks to what fucking sociopaths she and her husband are if she sees no problem with some guy hypothetically beating the living shit out of a kid with a belt.
    Any reasonable mother would want to protect her child from an overly harsh, violent and unnecessary punishment, especially a beating.

  • Trollface McGee

    She-who-must-not-be-named? Lord Voldemort would never stoop to that level of evil… though I can see her as an ideal Mrs. Umbridge, living in a lesbian duplex with lots of cat plates(wouldn’t trust her within a mile of a real cat).

  • Allison the Great

    Voldie is pretty fucking vile, but you’re right, Umbitch liked to hurt people just like the wife in question does…

  • Nea

    Debi’s like a demonic doll. No matter what you ask when you pull the cord, all she can say is “It’s the woman’s fault.”

  • Trollface McGee

    Actually, you’re right, Ol’Lord Thingy is incompetent, arrogant, racist, cruel… sounds exactly like a certain woman’s husband.

  • It’s off-topic, but I always called him “Voldie-kun”. The diminutive is that much more insulting and the one thing that Evil cannot stand it’s being laughed at. As per the lessons regarding how to deal with the Boggarts. THAT does work in Real Life to an extent.

  • Allison the Great

    I wonder if laughter would work on these psychotic fundies.

  • Allison the Great

    She is like a demonic doll! Straight out of a horror film. She’s always saying horribly evil things and she likes to hurt children. Like a fucking nightmare. No wonder I don’t like dolls.

  • I don’t know, but some good biting satire sure would be appreciated… if only for the mental health of those who are trying to deal with the emotional fallout of these toxic and abominable ideas.

  • And somehow it never occurred to this man that his little boy might not be acting but might be genuinely terrified of being spanked twice a week or more with a belt!

    The WORST thing about this movement is the way it creates a culture of suspicion of parents towards their children, to where they can’t hear or see the true feelings of their child.

  • As much as it pains me to admit, I know the level of terror that poor boy must have felt. I, too, have cried in utter terror at being hit and I was old enough to remember it. it’s not acting. It’s fear that has no place within a family. No child should ever be that afraid of a parent.

  • Astrin Ymris

    What I remember is my mother telling me after a spanking to “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” This would cause me to start crying even harder, because I KNEW I couldn’t stop crying.

    I can’t remember if she ever followed through on this threat, but I’ll never forget the feeling of panicked helplessness.

  • SAO

    A six year old being who is terrified and screams at the thought of being beaten to the point of bruising and welts is “quite the little actor”? Because he couldn’t possibly be terrified of pain and terrified of the man who regularly inflicts such pain.
    I hope his wife packs her bags and takes the kids and gets out.

    Good intentions pave the road to hell. Unfortunately, in this example, it’s the poor child who gets living hell.

    Kids want to be good, but they have low self-control. They can be taught self-control without beatings, welts, and bruises.

    Did the guy leave his address? Can someone call Child Protective Services on this guy?

  • Follow the link at “friends of NLQ”. The writer of the article is the boy in the story. He is now a man, who remembers his trauma. He heard of what the Pearls (that has to be who he spoke about) tells, and, testing them, wrote them a letter in which almost all the facts are correct.
    Except that he is not the father who writes to them – he was the boy who experienced that fear of punishment. (His parents did not read the Pearls, but he tested if the message was the same as his parents believed.)
    It is too late to call CPS – the child is grown.

  • Sharla Hulsey

    We have a couple in our community here that are foster parents. They appear to me to be very good at setting strict boundaries for kids without physical punishment, and they’ve worked with kids coming out of very difficult situations. Several weeks ago one of their foster kids was skipping down the hallway at my church, and he slipped and fell down just as his foster dad came into the building. Immediately he started crying and cowering: “I wasn’t running!” He thought he was going to be hit. Foster Dad just spoke to him about the fact that if he’d just been walking, he wouldn’t have fallen; and everybody went on with life. But it broke my heart, because this little boy has been conditioned such that the slightest infraction, even if it’s accidental, means a beating. The foster parents have a tough job; but I’ve seen them do wonders. Just wish it wasn’t a necessary job.

    The notion that people are advocating abuse in the name of Jesus, who respected and welcomed children, sickens me. Literally. I had heard of the couple-who-must-not-be-named from a seminary professor years ago, but truly had not understood the depth of their evil.

  • Taylor Joy

    Hickmon is my new personal hero: go to http://www.ramblingsofsheldon.blogspot.com to see how he personally advocated for a spiritual/maternal abuse victim.

  • texcee

    This is sadism and clear child abuse. This needs to be reported to CPS.