Quoting Quiverfull: Being an Abused Woman Makes You Sinful?

Quoting Quiverfull: Being an Abused Woman Makes You Sinful? May 23, 2014

by Jennifer Tritle at Chalcedon.edu and cross posted at Ladies Against Feminism – Joy as a Tool of Dominion For the Abused Woman

Consider this scenario: Various women are abused as children. They grow up in conscious or unconscious guilt and shame. They subtly or ostensibly manifest fear, bitterness, depression, masochistic dependency, and/or sadistic domineering behaviors in their personalities. Undiscipled Christian men are attracted for various conscious and unconscious reasons to these women and take them for their wives. Perhaps these men enjoy feeling “strong” with a weak, fearful woman (a case of pseudo-masculinity). Or, perhaps they masochistically find comfort from the leadership (control) of the domineering woman. They marry, and their relationships form new family systems. These couples find difficulty glorifying God and enjoying Him because their abuse secrets are seemingly so painful and powerful that these secrets are suppressed and not brought to the light of God’s Word for correction and healing. This suppression leads to further manifestation of sinful and/or aberrant behaviors. Furthermore, these families produce children and struggle with training them, finding it difficult to differentiate between desirable and undesirable behaviors in their little ones. Within the church, these formerly abused Christian women and their families may attract women and families with similar characteristics while at the same time repelling or are being repelled by joyful families. Few families are conscious that this scenario is occurring within the redeemed community. Few elders are aware of this type of dynamic, and regrettably, few elders labor to disciple these families in order to stop their destructive behavior and to disciple a godly and joy-filled character within them.

The full article has copious amounts of theology by Rushdooney. Read it at Chalcedon

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Allison the Great

    It’s very interesting that they would have an article about this. First, women who grew up in quiverful homes are very much abused from the time they are babies if their parents followed Michael Pearl’s book (and from her talking about “properly trained children” I’m guessing they do). Second, the men they marry are very undisciplined True Christian ™ men. “Perhaps these men enjoy feeling “strong” with a weak, fearful woman (a case of pseudo-masculinity)” Oh my god that sounds like every single guy that’s involved with this subculture! Remember the infantile asshole that has to carry his wife around the house so that he can show her that he’s the man and she has to do what he wants? Remember how these men throw goddamn hissy fits when they hear about a woman *gasp* making her own choices? So basically all the men are like the bad ones she’s describing.
    And she’s right about how “undisciplined” they are, too. I mean, shit, look how they refuse to take responsibility for their own actions, and they blame everything on the woman for fuck’s sake! I’d say that’s pretty goddamn fucking undisciplined. So really these women are talking about themselves, their husbands and their own marriages without even realizing it.

    i found it interesting that they mentioned “properly trained children” so these women who were abused or *ahem* trained are continuing the pattern of abuse by abusing *ahem* training their children.

  • Nichelle Wrenn

    Wow. I can’t begin to explain how psychologically damaging this cycle can be! Internalizing negative experiences is hurtful on a human being. Added to that we expect these poor ladies to teach good life skills to children? I’m slowly learning about this subculture and I totally get why so many children who grew up in it are leaving. Not to mention the rampant use of the ‘ No true Scotsman’ logical fallacy in the article.

  • Independent Thinker

    ” They subtly or ostensibly manifest fear, bitterness, depression, masochistic dependency, and/or sadistic domineering behaviors in their personalities.” Even if that statement were true the pain of abuse can be overcome with time, proper support, and therapy. Being abused doesn’t have to be a life sentence. It is far easier to overcome the hurtles if you become your own person, deal with the pain of your past, and set goals to move forward before putting yourself into a marriage or having kids.

  • Nea

    According to Fascinating Womanhood, men want a timid woman. According to this, it’s a sin. Anyone ever point that out to them?

  • Nightshade

    ‘…regrettably, few elders labor to disciple these families in order to stop their destructive behavior.’ Huh, it almost sounds like someone might care a little bit about helping these women…nope. All they care about is making them submit to their husbands and be good wives. According to their definition of the term, of course.

  • Suzanne, this is off-topic for the thread, but perhaps good fodder for your next “Quoting Quiverful”:

    It is a guy who claims rape inside marriage is impossible:

    http://freenortherner.com/about/

    “After a period of red pill exploration I have decided to embrace Christian masculinity. I am working to improve myself for God’s glory. My plan is to find a wife and raise a large family with traditional values.”

    http://freenortherner.com/2014/05/16/marital-consent/

    “Marital non-consent is an impossibility: if there is non-consent, there is no marriage; if there is marriage, there can not be non-consent……

    The basis of Christian marriage is laid out in Genesis and reiterated in the Gospels. The man and wife become one flesh.

    Can a person commit a non-consensual act upon their own flesh?

    The very idea is absurd.”

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I’m going to use it tomorrow! Thanks!!!

  • ” their abuse secrets are seemingly so painful and powerful that these secrets are suppressed and not brought to the light of God’s Word for correction and healing.”

    AFAIK, “God’s Word” don’t heal any scars – God does, not words (even inspired words) on paper. When the Bible talks of God Word it talks of Jesus – when modern day Christians use the word they (us) speak of a 66-book collection.
    And it won’t all be healed on this earth – God will dry all the tears in his new Kingdom. (Rev.21:4)

  • Riight. The two become one,and that one is him. Because the woman ceases to exist as an entity with a will or mind of her own after marriage. Sure.

  • Edie Moore McGee

    If you’re a woman, it’s your fault, period. Doesn’t matter what anyone else does. It’s YOUR fault.

  • Edie Moore McGee

    Suzanne, this is totally off this topic, but Matt Walsh showed his rear again today in his blog. Graduation ceremonies BAD. Not necessarily related to QF and I too think giving every kid on the team a trophy or every kid in the school an award is stupid — though strangely enough none of my daughter’s activities here in the same state where Matt lives do this. But what the heck is wrong with celebrating your child’s milestones. What a jerk!

  • Edie Moore McGee

    Yes, it’s pretty hard to overcome if you’re thrown into an environment just like the one in which you were abused.

  • Joyce

    Few elders are aware of this type of dynamic, and regrettably, few
    elders labor to disciple these families in order to stop their
    destructive behavior and to disciple a godly and joy-filled character
    within them.

    In other words, “the beatings will continue until morale improves.”

  • Jewel

    Thank you for writing this, Retha! I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees the idolatry of the Bible among professing Christians! The title/name “The Word” has been abused and used TO abuse heinously.

  • Jewel

    Yes, the only distinction she makes between those “dysfunctional” families and the “good” families (like hers, of course), is that the “good” families are “joyful”. Well, let’s just all put a daisy in our hat and a smile on our face and “buck up”, baby!

  • Trollface McGee

    Just when I think they can’t anger me more.
    A culture which promotes physical and emotional child abuse as “Godly discipline,” fosters an environment for sexual abuse to flourish will naturally have adults who aren’t “joyful” as a result. So they blame the victims. They guilt them for feeling guilty. They shame them for even daring to have a family – only an “undisciplined” man could want a broken woman or want an arrangement that isn’t patriarchal, and of course their kids be at a disadvantage(as opposed to those kids being properly abused in true Christian(tm) homes).
    And the solution? Pretend that nothing’s happened, be happy, fake happy and whatever you do, don’t question or leave the system.

  • Allison the Great

    And that mentality makes me sick. What makes me sicker is that there are self-hating women that are promoting this toxic shit and telling other women that this is true.

  • Allison the Great

    Be joyful, or be beaten for not being joyful. If you are abused, it was probably your fault. You’re going to hell for it, and you will be a horrible wife and mother. No matter what happens in your marriage, he cheats, molests your children, rapes you, it is always YOUR fault.

    That’s what they’re really saying. Good god these women make me want to throw up.

  • Allison the Great

    Some of the comments to that blog will make you want to throw up. I feel sorry for the women who are married to the vermin that commented.

  • Joy

    You aren’t supposed to notice that…

  • Joy

    I wonder if he will change his mind when it’s his daughter getting raped – and then having to fake loving her rapist for the rest of her life.

    I know how it feels to explain to my new husband (literally 24 hours after we were married) the definition of marital rape.

  • I don’t know when I’ve read something that upset me so much. This is the comment I left – which they will never approve.

    “Having been molested as a child, by my 3rd grade principal, who was the son of a Baptist minister, I know what it is like to recover from the horrors of abuse, threatened kidnappings, and the fact that he tried to kill me. What is written here is the single most repulsive, disgusting, and vile thing I’ve ever read. It is nothing but verbal vomit spewed like pea soup from the demonic entity in the Exorcist. Obviously, who ever wrote this knows nothing about what a person recovering from abuse and trauma goes through, but trust me, guilt is not a part of it. Guilt implies that a person who was abused as a child was a part of the abuse. Are you that sick and perverted?

    R. J. Rushdoony was a sick, evil man who created his own new religion that is a bastardization of ‘christianity’, what he thought was OT, and the very worst of Calvinism. It is a cult. Anyone who follows the man is part of his cult.

    No one is responsible for anyone’s happiness. It comes from within. To imply that women consider themselves responsible for happiness around them is psychologically immature and just plain ill informed. Every bit of this horrible article is ill informed. Anyone who thinks that a woman’s greatest calling is as a happy-clappy housekeeper, submissive, sex-slave to her godly husband, is mis-reading the Bible.

    I never planned on even responding to anything I read here, but this is the worst thing I’ve ever encountered about abuse. It is obvious the person who wrote it knows nothing about sexual abuse of children, doesn’t know anyone, and is lacking in any sort of a heart and soul.

    Abuse destroys the child. What emerges from it is a new person, stunted, miserable, unhappy, struggling to find some sort of normal in their world – which will never be normal again. To even hint that a child, a survivor of such abuse is guilty for having encountered the abuse is a perversion of basic human decency.

    There is more to life than having children, serving a man, and following the lead of your cult master. The only way I survived and grew out of what happened to me is through my faith, and forcing myself to forgive the monster who molested me. I did not appeal to any all-knowing, omnipotent church elder, or some so-called godly minister who knows less than I do about Christ. That’s not their job.

    There is more to life than a cult church, husband, having a million kids, and serving the church. I don’t serve a church, I serve my Lord. The only way a person who has been abused can begin to heal is via forgiveness. It isn’t by being led by someone who has the compassion of a head louse.

    I don’t know when I’ve been so angry over what I read. This is absolutely sick. It is controlling. Who ever wrote it has no earthly idea what it is like to struggle to be whole and healed. Trust me, it doesn’t come from the church, godly leaders, or someone telling you what to read. Healing is a miracle from the Lord.

    This absolutely diminishes the woman who was abused, the pain we feel, and the horror our lives have been. I don’t like wishing bad things on people, but I’d love to see what would happen if the author and the editors of this blog were to encounter the sort of abuse I did. You wouldn’t be spewing such dribble.”

    I’m so upset after reading this that I’m almost in tears. I don’t know when I’ve ever seen anything so perverted and evil. At least we now know why certain ministers allowed child molesters to run wild in their congregations. They don’t give a damn.

  • My husband still doesn’t believe that it’s even POSSIBLE. *sigh* I don’t know what to do anymore.

  • This culture celebrates girls virginity – purity balls – which they happen to get with no work of their own, but not milestones children work for?

  • This whole thing is: “Abused women sometimes settle for wrong dynamics in their families…”

    (True but why focus on abused women – abused men do too.)

    …”so let elders discipline them with the word…”

    (Abused people need love, not displine. If they model wrong patterns they may need discipline too.)

    “…then they will be attracted to the joyful, not disfunctional.”

    I think healing should be our focus for the abused, and love and safety, not attracting them to the joyful.

  • Allison the Great

    I wish you would let the demonic little shit bag who wrote the original article have it. I admire you very much for what you’ve said here. You’re right, Rushdoony was a miserable piece of shit and the world is a better place without him in it.

    The more I read about this subculture the more I see how sick, vile, callous and just horrible they are. What they believe makes a “godly” man or woman is the exact opposite of what a decent human being should be. They have no empathy or sympathy for anyone, for them, everything is about them being allowed to judge other people. Rushdoony and his ilk represent the worst of what a human being can possibly be. His cult created an army of disgusting, near-sociopathic robots.

  • KarenH

    Which means the overriding motto of Christian Patriarchy is: The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves.

  • KarenH

    Exactly. I didn’t mean to copy your answer above 🙂

  • KarenH

    That pre-supposes she was allowed to be an entity when she was a wholly owned subsidiary of Daddy Dearest.

  • Independent Thinker

    aka Keep Sweet

  • I have just begun to fight!

  • Hey Mrs. G– I wonder if my post this week would be any help: “Male Headship and the Problem of Power” – http://krwordgazer.blogspot.com/2014/05/male-headship-and-problem-of-power.html

    I don’t have all the answers, of course– but maybe there’s something there that could be a jumping-off place for the right questions….

  • SAO

    FWIW, the word was “disciple” not “discipline”. Disciple isn’t a verb, although it was used as one. Presumably, it means some sort of counseling, probably a church elder who is probably completely untrained in dealing with abuse victims.