Quoting Quiverfull: Can Men and Women Simply Be ‘Friends’?

Quoting Quiverfull: Can Men and Women Simply Be ‘Friends’? May 25, 2014

Did you know that Debi Pearl has another book out “Preparing To Be A Helpmeet”? At the No Greater Joy Ministries website there is a small site for the book where you can ask questions and get answers about all those things plaguing you about your role as a helpmeet.

Someone named Pumpkindoodle asked a question about non-sexual/non-romantic friendships between men and women and someone named Daddysgirlleh replied.

“I’ve seen quite a few girl-guy friendships where someone ended up getting hurt or being led on etc… I also have a friend who was really good friends with this guy and then he got married and they have continued being really good friends, but I feel for his wife because no girl would want her husband to have another good “girl friend”! I’m not trying to say through all of this that you can’t talk to guys or anything like that; I talk to guys at church and stuff! I am just talking about the closeness of having guy friends and how much time you send with them”

Read the entire question and reply at Preparing To Be A Helpmeet

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • persephone

    Debi speak for: Michael and I are emotionally immature and fixated on sex, so there’s no way we could have a friend of the opposite sex.

  • Joy

    Yes, men and women can be friends without expectations of anything else! In fact, I think if there were more male-female platonic relationships, there would be fewer divorces.

  • Jenny Islander

    Or possibly MIchael-via-Debbie-speak for “I think women are for sex; if I hadn’t managed to find myself a victim and keep her, I would be camping out on MRA/PUA blogs or just annoying people in bars.”

  • TRANSLATED: Michael’s a horn-dog and Debi doesn’t trust him, ergo all men are horn-dogs and can’t be trusted not to hit on women, even godly ones.

  • Nea

    I will have to break the horrible news to the guy who’s been my best friend for 35 years, despite both of us having other romantic relationships.

  • Nea

    That fits in with Michael bragging about how women “want this old tom cat” and Debi viciously cutting off an offer of sanctuary to an abused woman she considered a home wrecker.

  • Carry

    I’ve heard of that book before. I am curious about what it says since it’s for my demographic (unmarried women/girls). It would be great if someone did a review for it! I wanna know what toxic bullshit she says towards those who haven’t doomed themselves yet with a shitty husband.

  • One of my oldest and dearest friends is male, I often joke about him being the brother I always wanted instead of the ones I got stuck with (a joke. My blood bros are pretty cool guys as well.). There’s never been any romantic spark but plenty of deep connection. When the Bear died, he was one of the first to offer help and support and he and his girlfriend (also a good friend) have always been there for me. I feel real pity for fundies who, because of their total fear of sex and genders interacting, cut themselves off from people who might turn out to be very dear to them.

  • Nea

    As far as I’ve gathered from people mentioning it, it’s how to smother your hopes and dreams yourself in your childhood, lest you get any ideas you might be an actual autonomous person.

  • Nightshade

    Of course men and women can’t be friends…as long as one views women as only good for sex and having babies, and men as entitled to sex and babies from any woman who so much as looks at any man.

  • The majority of my friends are male, which makes sense when you consider my hobbies often revolve around gaming and roleplaying.

    Then again, I don’t think there’s a single part of my life Debi wouldn’t call sinful somehow.

  • Jewel

    Me too, ND! Purely platonic and one of the most precious friendships in my life, for 20 years.

  • Allison the Great

    “Can a guy and a girl just be friends?”
    The answer is yes. The problem with the argument above is that they think that the only relationship that a non-related man and woman can have is a romantic or forced marriage one. Many of my friends have been men. None of their wives or girlfriends had a problem with it, and guys I have seen didn’t have a problem with it either. Our S.O.’s saw it as a way to expand their circle of friends. Debi, this is what maturity looks like. I suggest you research this before you ever open your mouth or your laptop again.

  • Allison the Great

    Same here!

  • Allison the Great

    They should’ve titled this book “How to be a Future Victim of Rape and Spousal Abuse (Oh and By the Way, You’re Not a Person, You’re a Walking Womb”. It’s a long title, I know, but it fits better than that other sugar-coated bullshit title.

  • gimpi1

    My husband and I were best friends long before we became romantically involved. I guess our marriage shouldn’t have happened.

  • Independent Thinker

    Some secular homeschoolers refer to the book as Preparing To Be His Doormat.

  • Nea

    You’re Not A Person, But You Can Aspire To Be The Very Bestest House Slave EVER!

  • B.E. Miller

    Why am I suddenly picturing a young Debi dressed in an old pillowcase? (Like Dobby from Harry Potter.)

    Don’t forget to iron your hands and shut your ears in the oven door.

  • Nea

    And do a LOT of submissive cringing!

  • B.E. Miller

    And keeping of all your master’s secrets…. this is getting creepy. Yet I keep thinking there’s got to be a sarcastic comedic skit in here somewhere.

  • Lynn

    I used to believe this, but once I left my abusive church and divorced my abusive husband, I discovered that there are many men out there who are happy to share friendship, every if they are married and I am single, even if we are both single, even with some pretty significant age differences in both directions. It has been such a bittersweet joy to see what I had missed out on for years, because I had been taught my whole life that boys and girls could never be friends, and even the few guy friends I had managed to make were obliged to disappear when I got married. I think had I been encouraged to be *real* friends with a range of guys, I might have more clearly seen the red flags my future husband had been waving at me.