Quoting Quiverfull: The ‘Me’ Monster Mom?

Quoting Quiverfull: The ‘Me’ Monster Mom? May 11, 2014

by Erin Harrison from No Greater Joy Magazine – The ‘ME’ Monster

Later, I met this man, a guy who was working with Mark on a job. Something drew me to him. He looked at me and told me, even as I smiled, that there was a sadness in my eyes. It was like a gift. I opened up to this person I did not even know, and he told me how sinful I was. Me? Sinful? I was sinned against as an innocent child. I was rejected by nasty people. I was hurt and in pain. How could I be to blame in this? At first it made me angry.

He told me that I was so focused on “ME” that I actually put “MYSELF over everything and on the throne.”

He said this because I had been telling him, “I am home all day taking care of these kids, and my husband comes home and says he is too tired to help. What about me? I am tired! Furthermore, I want to raise my kids Amish; my husband won’t allow me to do this; what about my dreams? What about how I feel? They are my kids too! I have been through so much. I, I, I, and what about me, me, me” (notice the “ME” monster). That was my sin. Depression is selfish. When you are depressed, you are only thinking about yourself—about poor and unfortunate ME. I was seeking my own. That man forced me to look at my heart. I hated him for it, but I realized later, as I really thought about it, that as a Christian I am not here for ME. I am here for a purpose. Christ did not come to die so that I could worry about ME.

Read the rest at No Greater Joy Ministries website and let us know in the comments what you think.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    Depression is selfish

    Depression is a mental illness. Calling people who are sick “selfish” is both cruel and ignorant. (Leaving it untreated is also also really, REALLY bad for the kids even assuming that they haven’t inherited it. Ask Andrea Yeats.)

    Christ did not come to die so that I could worry about ME.

    He came to die FOR YOU, no qualifications. Seriously, an atheist knows your religion’s most *basic* belief better than you do?

  • *low rumbling growl of an angered mother bear*

    Depression is not selfishness. It is the consequence of an attitude that says that ANY care for the self is harmful, but NOT caring for the self is even MORE harmful. A person cannot care for others if they are lacking in strength, and caring for others drains that strength.

    I think I need to go tear into something virtual before my inner bear gets the better of me.

  • Nea

    That’s part of the evil, isn’t it? All their advice fosters depression even in the neurotypical… And then they blame women for having what they caused and nurtured!

  • Trollface McGee

    I don’t get this.at.all. It seems like her husband was caring and concerned – but why didn’t he get her any help? Even Christian counselling? If your wife is sick – holding her and telling her you love her is good, but it won’t make her better (also making her go through a pregnancy after she’s broken her pelvis isn’t very caring).
    Mark and her mother-in-law are just jerks who don’t understand mental illness and take pleasure in tearing people down – they are toxic, but fundie culture makes her thank them.
    It doesn’t sound like she dealt with her depression or her abuse – she just buried it, covering it up with scripture and forced positive thoughts – that isn’t healthy.

  • Sara Lin Wilde

    Thinking about me, me, me, that’s a good sign that “me, me, me” needs something she’s not getting. Everything she says is 100% legit – taking care of children IS exhausting, getting no help from one’s spouse IS unfair, having one’s own dreams acknowledged IS important, and being exploited by an unequal partnership where he makes all the choices and you do all the drudge work IS wrong. But of course, it’s also *so* inconvenient for the poor patriarch, so naughty, naughty!

    The metaphor that comes to mind is “make sure your own oxygen mask is in place before you attempt to help others”. If your needs are being fulfilled, you’re in a better position to be a supportive and loving spouse and parent. It’s generally when something is missing or hurting that “me, me, me” comes to the surface.

  • Saraquill

    Why didn’t this man get a kick or five in the testicles?

  • Jayn

    “Depression is a mental illness. Calling people who are sick “selfish” is
    both cruel and ignorant. (Leaving it untreated is also also really,
    REALLY bad for the kids even assuming that they haven’t inherited it.
    Ask Andrea Yeats.)”

    Yeah, the depression is selfish thing deserves a hearty FUCK YOU. It implies, as way too many people are eager to do, that you can simply choose not to be depressed. And yeah, treating it is good not only for you but your children. Tinkering with my meds has made me a better mother BECAUSE I feel better.

  • Joyce

    Depression is selfish, in exactly the same way that cancer is selfish.

    Sheesh, do these people ever listen to themselves? What a horrible and destructive thing to say to a person with depression.

  • Nea

    As far as I can tell, 98% of the advice is abusively bad. “Stay with a man who hits you!” “Girls don’t need an education!” “Beat your babies starting a few months after birth!” “Depression isn’t an illness, it’s a mindset!”

    Anxiety is often twinned with depression, and a constant drumbeat of “do more more more” will turn even minor anxiety up to boiling point too.

  • Hattie

    Because he would only do this to some poor, tired, over-worked mom who was craving adult companionship.

    There aren’t many tired people who would put up with such an ass. But a self-blaming mom just might.

    When I read this story, I got the feeling she would be happier if she DID get her way once in a long while.

    I really don’t have any words to describe this guy’s “advice”.

    Lady, if you’re reading this, that dude is not your friend. I recommend a heavy dosage of Erma Bombeck, to be followed by scouring Rachel Held Evans’ blog.

    There’s one post in particular you might like: “What My Mother Taught Me”.

  • persephone

    Victim blaming with a religious basis is the worst.

  • Anonyme

    Depression is selfish…depression is selfish…DEPRESSION IS SELFISH?!! Does this bitch (there, I said it) know what clinical depression is like? To live hating yourself, feeling ‘unhealthily’ guilty about weaknesses and ‘negative’ behavior such as anger or crying–to the point of hurting oneself–feeling so ‘different’, alone, and lost (despite help, feeling like a freak…considering and imagining suicide. I could go on. Why? BECAUSE I LIVED IT THROUGH MY TEEN YEARS. It was hell. By God, this woman is not a ‘Christian’, she’s a hateful, selfish, judgmental, spiteful, horrid little bitch!