Quoting Quiverfull: Sexlessness and the Single Woman?

Quoting Quiverfull: Sexlessness and the Single Woman? June 2, 2014

by Colleen Chao from Ladies Against Feminism and True Woman – Sexual Desire and the Single Girl

Imagine keeping a lion in a small cat-carrier. For years. Day after day. Night after night. He roars. He eats. (A lot.) His energy is endless. And yet you keep him caged.

If sex is the highest good in life, the greatest pleasure we can experience, we’re in trouble.

As a single girl in my thirties who was committed, by God’s grace, to saving sex for marriage, I felt very much like that caged lion. Sometimes my physical drives were so strong, I despaired—the long, intense fight for purity in a sexually saturated culture seemed impossible. And while there was constant dialogue about men’s sexual struggles and temptations, there was this eerie silence when it came to girls’. Was I part man, or was this normal for women?

However, the more I opened up and shared my struggles with other single girls, the more I realized I was indeed normal and in very good company. So why wasn’t anyone talking about it?

Or maybe the greater question is, Why do we even want to fight for sexual purity when our desires seem so natural and good—and often feel too powerful to control?

Read the the piece in its entirety at True Woman

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • gimpi1

    Why indeed. Good question. If I were in this sub-culture, I’d be thinking about that…

  • Independent Thinker

    I read the whole text on this one. While she has a few nuggets of good advice she never asks herself the real question at hand. “If I want to marry why am I still single in my thirties?” More likely than not it is one of two reasons A) Daddy said no or B) No guy is good enough. There is nothing wrong with being single but there is something wrong with blowing off perfectly decent guys while seeking perfection or becoming trapped in dogmatic beliefs that keep good guys away. She recommends eating healthy and exercises but offers nothing in the way of actually taking steps to meet guys. God doesn’t FedEx them to your doorstep.

  • Nea

    Seriously! So much angst and worry and stress when it could be solved by simply taking oneself *ahem* in hand.

  • Saraquill

    She could always do what Colbert did, and marry her hand…

  • Jewel

    LOL! Yep, sometimes the only sane answer when no good men are around! Or any single men. Or men period…Sigh…

  • B.E. Miller

    She and her friends just need some good vibrators, that’s all…

  • PremiumOsmium

    I think it’s sad that women like her view their sexuality as something dirty and shameful. She refers to “purity”, as though sexuality is inherently bad unless you have the church’s OK. Does she think that when/if she gets married that a switch will flip and her years of repression will just go away?

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Absolutely!

  • L’Anne

    Oh come on now. If they can’t have chocolate cake, I’m sure the Rabbit Pearl is out of the question. All you REALLY need to do is run around the block a few times and engage in Rolling Like a Ball for 5 minutes. The meditate in a hot, soapy bath….

  • L’Anne

    Sometimes, a gal just needs a nice old fashioned selfie…

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Wow. Just wow. Because if you desire marriage but are still single in your thirties, you must be Doing Something Wrong? Um, yeah, okay…

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    At least she’s actually drawing attention to the silence in Christianity (and in the culture at large) about female sexuality. I can actually relate to wondering about if you’re not feminine enough or “part man” because you have sexual urges, as this is something I used to wonder about as a teenager. Was this normal? Why do I never hear about it then? It’s rare to hear people talk about women having sexual desires. Sex is just something we dutifully “give” men in exchange for material support and “protection” and “headship” if you’re Christian, or flowers, jewelry and more vaguely defined “security” or “commitment” if you’re not. It is somewhat refreshing that she’s so honest about the fact that, guess what, women get horny! Their fantasies are not just all about PG-rated “romance” by candlelight and what they’re going to name their future children. lol. It’s just a shame she has to buy into this purity crap.

  • Independent Thinker

    Read the whole text of what she said. The woman is doing nothing to go out and meet men. Don’t expect to get married if you aren’t actively trying to meet someone.

  • B.E. Miller

    Rule 9 under the Caption “Listening to His Promises”. She advises that you don’t hang out with a man alone.

    Echoing what Independent Thinker says..

    I don’t see any indication either, that she’s asking the moms she brings coffee to, or the classmates, or the folks she’s “serving” about any single guys they know. She also advises not looking too closely at your married friends. IMO, her married friends would be the best way to find a prospective husband. She could ask her happily married friends to help set her up with single guys who are looking to get married.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Her ridiculous rules are a separate issue which I could spend pages on (and might yet…) but I get the distinct impression that she is married now. She married at 34 and is talking about her life prior to marriage.