Preparing To Be A Help Meet: The Priest Part 3

Preparing To Be A Help Meet: The Priest Part 3 July 27, 2014

animaniacsby Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide

In the next installment on Priestly Men, Debi paints picture of what life for the wife of a Priestly Man is like with a huge interruption by a Visionary Man on a side note. 

“The key is to know you man.  In what image has God created him?  You, as his help meet, will need to  learn to conform to your man.  God’s Word says, in Hebrews 13:8,  “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today and forever.”

On the 90’s TV show Animanics, there was a reoccurring segment called “The Wheel of Morality”.  The characters would pull out a giant game-show wheel, spin it and read a canned moral that printed off.

I’m pretty sure Debi uses the same wheel for her Bible quotes.  I have no idea why, how or by what rationale Debi (or Mike) decided that Hebrews 13:8 supported the preceding idea.

“This is going to sound different, but many of these “nice” men prefer their wives to show some initiative.  A Kingly man tells you what to do and how to serve him, and a Prophet wants you to do what he is doing.  But if you marry a Priestly Man, he will want you to walk beside him, yet grow in your won right before God and man.”

Actually, the vast majority of men and women want their spouses to grow while walking besides them.  That’s a healthy marriage.

“Priestly men like their wives to be involved in business.  He will be proud of your accomplishments.  He will want you to use your natural skills, abilities, and drives.  Your achievements will be an honor to him, but if you are lazy or slothful it will greatly discourage him.”

In other words, women can receive advanced education and a career!  Sweet!

The sentence about lazy/slothful would better be addressed to Visionary men in my opinion.

“All men dislike for their wives to waste time or money. Silly behavior weighs heavily on a young husband, robbing him of his pride and pleasure in his new wife. A Priestly Man really values a resourceful, hardworking woman who shows dignity and honor.  It is very important to the Priestly Man that his wife be self-sufficient in all the tasks of daily living.  If you marry a Priest you will be urged to explore your own creative genius.”

Notice how Debi makes a new wife sound like a new toy for a small child.  “Be careful or you’ll mess the paint up!”  

On a unrelated note, most people like spouses to be self-sufficient in the daily tasks of living barring an accident or disability.  

“[Note from Visionary Man:] Men can be a little weird about money.  For many men there is a direct link between their productivity and their self-worth.  Money, with its numerical value, is a concrete measure of productivity.  This is why, when a girlfriend or wife flippantly spends her guy’s hard-earned money, it can be hard on the fellow.  He’ll feel cheated and belittled that you hold such small regard for the result of his effort and time.  Whenever you buy something, it shows the man that you equate that item to that much of his life (which is his time), and he may mentally calculate the exact number of hours he had to work to cover that superfluous item.)”

Why is the Visionary Man popping up in the middle of the Priestly chapter?   The more ‘insights’ I read from Visionary Man the more I think he needs to seek therapy quickly.  

I don’t know why a girlfriend would be spending a guy’s money, so I’m going to focus on a wife.  When you marry, barring a pre-nup, cash assets belong to both spouses.  There are lots and lots of systems that couples use to manage household finances.  The one that the Visionary Man describes is extremely toxic.  In VisionaryWorld, the man works for cash and gets to look over his wife’s shoulder when she makes purchases.  If he doesn’t like what she’s buying (ie “flippantly spends”), he gets to pitch a fit.

Your wife is a partner, not a dependent child.

Let’s say the wife is staying at home and running the house without children around.  In my area, house-cleaners make between $10-15 per hour.  Hiring a chef is around $20 per hour.  I have no idea what a personal shopper would cost but I can’t imagine it’s less than $10 per hour.  If the husband is that money obsessed,   he needs to look at how much his wife is saving by running the household before climbing up on to his high horse.

“Start today learning how to pay bills, make appointments, and entertain guests with a competence that will bring satisfaction to your husband-to-be.”

Well, that will take about 5 minutes total.  None of those things are hard.

  Your hobbies should be creative and useful so that you learn things that will help you teach your children. 

A great hobby for a future home-schooling mom would be a college education in elementary education or secondary education in math and science!  Go for it, ladies!

 If you are busy and productive now, so you will be when you are married.  Your skills and achievements will be your husband’s resume.  

I don’t think Debi/Mike know what a resume is……..

When those on the outside take note of your wisdom and competence, it will reflect well upon your husband. 

Or make people wonder how a nice woman like you ended up with a lazy, slothful lunatic.  Just saying.

At the end of the day, your Priestly husband will enjoy weighing what he has accomplished with what you have accomplished and will rejoice in the value of having a worthy partner in the grace of life. 

The sad part of this quote is that this is the first time Debi has admitted that spouses should appreciate their partner.

 Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | 

Part 7 |  Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13

Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18

Read everything by Mel!

Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide

Comments open below

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13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon


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  • Nea

    What I find fascinating is that after they go into how men are one of three types, Michael claims two of them. First he is all “Imma command man! I command! Command, command, command, everywhere I go, command! I just can’t stop commanding!”

    Then the second Debi talks about money — and note this is more about money (and the lack thereof) than vision– he’s suddenly all “Imma visionary and mah sensitive, delicate junk will fall right off if I’m questioned. Visionary! I have VISION!” To the point that when Debi moves on to the next topic, he has to break in with “Did I mention that I’m a visionary? And that you aren’t worthy to spend my money? Help make it, but don’t spend it!”

    That last is REALLY telling when you put it in context of Debi begging for help with medical bills as she “didn’t want” to take more than her share from the work profits. Because who apparently decided that she shouldn’t get what she needed out of the work profits? Michael *says* it was Debi, but funny how he doesn’t get to give her orders when it’s to her benefit and not his wallet’s!

  • Sara Lin Wilde

    “In VisionaryWorld, the man works for cash and gets to look over his wife’s shoulder when she makes purchases. If he doesn’t like what she’s buying (ie “flippantly spends”), he gets to pitch a fit.”

    This was a part of how my marriage worked. We had agreed that I should stay home in preparation for having children (which never happened due to the recession and then a bunch of other junk) but didn’t talk about what that meant for spending. In practice, it came to mean that my purchases were treated exactly that way, and the mental-health “bang for my buck” I got was not a sufficient “excuse” for spending money on things like nice journals and gel pens. (I was trying to write my way through some moderate depression at that time.)

    It also meant that he could spend as much as he wanted on stuff, blowing the budget to the point that one winter he got two winter coats ($70, once tailored) and did not leave enough money in the budget for me to even own one until I got lucky and scored a $20 at Value Village. Over Christmas my mother mended the holes in the pockets. At one point we tried a system where, if he had a spending overage in the budget, I was allowed the same amount of overage next month to keep things fair. That was more fair, and I hoped it would have a Mutually-Assured Destruction feel that would keep his spending in check. Instead it burned through our money in a hurry and most months I couldn’t manage to spend quite as much as he did.

    I am not sure what my point is except that unfairness in spending sucks, made me miserable, and was not a hallmark of great vision – rather, it was an aspect of a garden-variety abusive marriage.

  • Joy

    Sounds very similar to my marriage – at least after the first year. For the first year, the only way I could access the bank account and get money was to drive 30 minutes one way to the bank and withdraw the money from a teller in person. After all, (in his words) “you’re at home all the time, why do you need a bank card?” Uhhh, maybe because I’m at home with our baby and I might need to run out and get something for him?

    Once I got a bank card, his attitude was very much “I earned it, it’s my money”. And he spent, and spent, and spent. So much so that twice we couldn’t pay the mortgage because he had frittered the money away.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Well, it’s not like I ever doubted that Michael was “proofreading” every word Debi writes– and making sure that she maintains absolute ideological correctness at all times.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    You’d think that it would be Debi’s job to proofread and edit (as long as editing doesn’t include paring content down for space considerations) with Michael being the one to put so much effort into his brilliance and amazing ideology being immortalized in words on paper. And after all these years, Michael should be able to say confidently that he’s indoctrinated his wife so well and so completely with his ideology that he doesn’t *have* to constantly look over Debi’s shoulder. But who in Michael’s life would ever question him or say that maybe he’s not the exceptional man he’s trained his wife to think he is (or that he believes in his own mind that he is).

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    I’m willing to bet that things a woman who isn’t pregnant tends to need every month and most will buy at a store is a frivolous expense in Michael’s way of thinking – after all, cut up fabric rags using clothes or whatever cloth items they have around can be used, since the stuff they sell at stores costs more money than rags cut from previously bought items that would otherwise go to waste once no longer useable for their original purpose.

    Same with buying higher quality fabric yardage to use when sewing clothing and other home items – the cheap stuff should be “just as good and costs less”, why should it be an expense that the person sewing the clothing and making things for the home is permitted since they’re not the ones ‘earning’ the money…

    This is why any marriage I might go into with a man will require us both to have employment and after jointly contributing to the household bills and expenses we each get to keep what is left from our paychecks to use however we choose. And I’m not going to add anyone to the deed for the condo I own and live in presently either, keeping it out of the community property category.

  • Mel

    I grew up in a family where my dad made substantially more than my mom. Dad never nit-picked what Mom spent. Likewise, my husband brings more assets to our marriage than I ever can. Instead of controlling the money, Nico and I worked out a system in which we both have access the main account where we deposit most of our salaries. We each have personal accounts where we keep our “fun” – we get the same amount – money, plus each have some bills pulled out of (to keep up our respective credit scores).

    I’m sorry you were in such a miserable marriage.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    My parents both being in the same general profession (teaching) meant that their salaries were ‘more or less’ equal, and before they married they discussed and worked out how they’d have their banking and other financial matters arranged – my dad knew that my mom had some experiences where her parents did things that made her distrust them when it concerned money. My mom has said that if you can’t talk about money and establish mutually acceptable terms regarding bank accounts and spending so that you can trust them not to go and spend every nickel on themselves or put you both into debt then maybe it’s better to not marry them/wait on taking that step.

  • KarenH

    “… This is why, when a girlfriend or wife flippantly spends her guy’s hard-earned money, it can be hard on the fellow. … ”

    And THAT is why a woman should have a career of her own so that when the dude gets all stupid about her spending money she can point to the lack of a marriage license and the existence of her paycheck and tell that dumbass to get lost.