Preparing To Be A Help Meet: The Prophet: Part 4c

Preparing To Be A Help Meet: The Prophet: Part 4c July 12, 2014

by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide

Finally, at long last, Debi graces us with actual tips on how to live with a Prophet/Visionary man.

“If you marry a Visionary Man, learn to enjoy the trip, for if he ever makes a better light bulb, he will want you to be the one who turns it on for the first time in public.  It will be your face he looks into to see the marvel of what a great thing he has done.  You are his most important fan.  When you know your man really needs you, you can be happy with just about anything.”

Start taking acting classes, ladies!  Remember, you need to look enthusiastic even if the invention/idea is absolutely awful.  If you keep acting long enough, you might even believe it yourself!

“Prophet/Visionary Man will not notice what he eats, so don’t be offended when he doesn’t seem to appreciate your fine cooking. ” 

Sweet!  I read this as an explicit permission from Debi to order pizza regularly.

“What he does appreciate is your interest in his present project – not your opinion or even your input – just the light in your eyes as you listen to him tell his newest wild idea.”

Um.  So wives just need to sit there and look glowingly at EVERY idea…. got it.

“Prophet/Visionary Man will talk and talk and talk to his honey if she approves of him.  He will be subjective, thinking about feelings, moods and spiritual insights.  One of his greatest needs will be for his wife to think objectively (proven truth) and use common sense, which will help keep his feet from flying too far from the solid ground. “

Now, when I think of Visionary/Prophet men, I think of guys like Hal from Malcolm in the Middle.  Hal is a genuinely nice, kind husband and father who has some totally insane ideas.   His wife, Lois, lets him go crazy on ideas that are harmless and stops ideas that will bankrupt the family.  Debi should watch a few episodes of Malcolm in the Middle to learn a different way of dealing with her husband.

“Every small issue will become mind-consuming, and he will need his wife to casually talk about the big picture and the possible end results of relationships, finances, or health if he continues to totally focus on his present interest.  His sweetheart needs to stay in a positive state of mind, yet not jump into his make-believe world, trying to be too much of a cheerleader on dead-end issues.  Let him burn out on things that are not wise, but don’t throw water on his fire.  Let him find his own balance through bumping into hard realities.”

Wow.  That is really vague and contradictory advice.  Debi’s advice is:

  1. Tiptoe around major issues that the Prophet’s current obsession might bring up.
  2. Be a cheerleader but not too much of a cheerleader. (After all, he doesn’t want your input or opinion…just unquestioning fawning.)
  3. Let him make mistakes – even huge ones – but don’t let him get discouraged.
Here’s my advice:
  1. Have an honest conversation about probable outcomes of a potential scheme.
  2. Show excitement if you are really excited.  Don’t fake it; that’s insulting to yourself and your spouse.
  3. If you have concerns, bring up the concerns and expect your spouse to listen thoughtfully to those issues.
  4. You have veto power in any major decisions involving finances, health, family, moving and career changes.

“Prophet/ Visionary Man’s focus is so intense that matters can easily be blown out of proportion.  A wife must guard against negative conversation about people.  An idle conversation by her can bring about the end of a life-long friendship.  This is true with all men, but especially so with a Prophet.  By beginning before you marry, you can learn not to be instrumental to Satan’s arsenal in sending fiery darts to your husband.”

If an adult man can’t discriminate between his spouse blowing off steam and talking about a real problem that can end a friendship, then that man should not marry or have friends.  It’s just too hard for him.

Anyone else notice that we’ve been given a reprieve from heavy-handed Bible verses?  Debi has lots of vaguely religious imagery, but no actual Bible quotes since she’s making this part up as she goes.

“A Prophet-natured man, with his tunnel vision, might spend money unwisely, leaving his wife feeling insecure.  To stay happy with this man, you must remember that your treasure is not of this world.  Treasure your husband and children and don’t mourn the loss of monetary things.”

In other words: Only worldly people care about making sure that their children have enough food to eat when they move into the middle of nowhere.  After all, it’s not like parents have any sort of responsibility to their children, right?

“Prophet/Visionary Man needs a lady who does not take offense easily.  She needs to be tough.  He needs his lady to be full of life and joy.  His lady will need to tuck in that quivering lip, square those shoulders and put on that smile.”

For the love of God, do not show how his reckless ways affect your family!  Your job is to enable his out-of-control ways.  The best way to do that is to stuff all your emotions deep down inside and NEVER let them out.

Sounds like a marriage made in heaven….or by those angels.

One last post in this chapter ahead: How to deal with your in-laws.

AntiPearl: Phase 2 of the system Hal and Lois have created to deal with Hal’s great ideas.

(Backstory: Hal has taken up “Jump, Jump, Dance” which is a spoof on “Dance Dance Revolution.  He’s obsessed.  Hal and a friend, Craig, are practicing an entire dance routine in the middle of Hal’s living room when Lois comes in dressed in a bathrobe)

Hal: These dance shoes have really helped my Kick Turns. 
Totally worth the $150.

Lois: Hal.

Craig: Oh-oh, here comes Yoko.

Lois: It’s five o’clock in the morning. You’ve been up all night.

Hal: Honey, I know you think this is silly, and that I’ve just gone off the deep end again, but this isn’t like the other times. I have a gift, Lois. And it would be wrong for me to turn my back on that.

Lois: Right. I see we’ve entered phase two. Which is fine, as long as you follow the rules.  You have to go to work. You have to eat.   You cannot involve the children. 

Hal: And you’re freezing the joint account.

Lois: Did it last week. Goodnight Fred. Ginger.


 Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | 

Part 7 |  Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13

Part 14 | 

Read everything by Mel!

Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide

Comments open below

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Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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  • Nea

    Awwww, Debi flubbed the perfect opportunity to tell about how she handled those very situations perfectly, with bonus recipes on how to cook animal feed and cat food.

  • Independent Thinker

    Steve Jobs is clearly one of the most visionary people to grace the planet in the last 100 years. He ate the same foods everyday and lived off of a fruit only diet. I am pretty sure the guy paid very close attention to what he ate. Debi does love her stereotypes.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    But if she were to give examples of Michael’s wild tangential pursuits that were stupid and costly for the entire family, then she wouldn’t be respecting and following her husband the way a good wife is supposed to in their little world. She’d be putting his failures on display for the entire world, and that, will not do.

  • Anonyme

    Does Debi ENJOY tearing women down, guilting them for having any independence of mind or action, scaring them into toxic marriages, and preparing them for a life of drudgery? I think she’s really unhappy in her marriage, and you know the old adage about “misery loves company”…hey, ladies, you can be just like her!

    I wonder what Debi would say to me. I’m happy single, have friends of both sexes, interact with people of all denominations and religions, even atheists (horrors!). One of the people I admire most in my life was my public speaking professor at a community college years ago. He was the friendliest, kindest, most open-hearted man. But he was gay so I guess he went to Hell when he died of unknown causes last year, ha ha. *Sniff* I do miss that man.

  • To sum up, a wife has to be like a delusional mother always thinking her arrogant but incredibly insecure kid is the best guy ever, following all of his whims, and also being in perpetual adoration.
    Quite challenging!

  • Nea

    Wore the same clothing, too. And – this is extremely key – didn’t go pinging off into great ideas in one field, then tried another field on for size, then went to something completely different. Each innovation built on the previous ones and all centered around the same basic concepts.

  • Nea

    Does Debi ENJOY tearing women down, guilting them for having any
    independence of mind or action, scaring them into toxic marriages, and
    preparing them for a life of drudgery?

    You need to ask? Her idea of “glorious” is anyone else’s idea of hell on Earth.

  • Anonyme

    Oh, she’s putting his failures on display–she just doesn’t realize it.
    I made the mistake of reading about Michael and Debi’s ‘wedding night’ on Free Jinger. WHAT THE FUCKERY WAS THAT!

  • Independent Thinker

    I have never thought Debi’s Visionary/Prophet guy is actually innovative. I think he should be renamed doesn’t like to work guy, can’t get along with his boss guy, makes excuses for himself guy, paranoid guy, or will not grow up and be responsible guy.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Some people might call that obsessive, Jobs was said to be a jerk to have as a boss, and not many people were truly his friends. Hard to be a friend to someone who is a jerkface a fair percentage of the time and the rest of the time they were almost singlemindedly focused on the latest idea he was working out for Apple.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Her version of Visionary/Prophet guy seems to be Mentally Ill Guy and/or Selfish Immature Prick Guy

  • Nea

    Well, Command Man is also Selfish Immature Prick Guy, so there’s a theme going…

  • Nea

    I’m not really championing Jobs as a nice human being. But he’s the best modern illustration that if you want to truly bring change about, it’s best to focus on one general area and build on your successes. There are very few “Renaissance Men” who can come up with major innovations in completely different fields of study… even Edison cast a comparatively narrow net over the potential fields he could have gone into.

    The Pearls don’t think about that; I doubt they have the critical thinking skills to even realize it.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    The man who dabbles in many things winds up being good at none?

    Inventions that have proven to be significant in the bigger picture seem to always be produced by individuals few people want to spend a great deal of time around. Possibly due to the nit-picky, critical nature that lends itself well to inventing but not so much to having friends and family.

  • L’Anne

    But her Boo is a Commandman, so totes all HIS ideas are excellent, making it an obscene pleasure for her to make feed-n-food casserole in anticipation of the pay day!