by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide
Finally, at long last, Debi graces us with actual tips on how to live with a Prophet/Visionary man.
“If you marry a Visionary Man, learn to enjoy the trip, for if he ever makes a better light bulb, he will want you to be the one who turns it on for the first time in public. It will be your face he looks into to see the marvel of what a great thing he has done. You are his most important fan. When you know your man really needs you, you can be happy with just about anything.”
Start taking acting classes, ladies! Remember, you need to look enthusiastic even if the invention/idea is absolutely awful. If you keep acting long enough, you might even believe it yourself!
“Prophet/Visionary Man will not notice what he eats, so don’t be offended when he doesn’t seem to appreciate your fine cooking. ”
Sweet! I read this as an explicit permission from Debi to order pizza regularly.
“What he does appreciate is your interest in his present project – not your opinion or even your input – just the light in your eyes as you listen to him tell his newest wild idea.”
Um. So wives just need to sit there and look glowingly at EVERY idea…. got it.
“Prophet/Visionary Man will talk and talk and talk to his honey if she approves of him. He will be subjective, thinking about feelings, moods and spiritual insights. One of his greatest needs will be for his wife to think objectively (proven truth) and use common sense, which will help keep his feet from flying too far from the solid ground. “
Now, when I think of Visionary/Prophet men, I think of guys like Hal from Malcolm in the Middle. Hal is a genuinely nice, kind husband and father who has some totally insane ideas. His wife, Lois, lets him go crazy on ideas that are harmless and stops ideas that will bankrupt the family. Debi should watch a few episodes of Malcolm in the Middle to learn a different way of dealing with her husband.
“Every small issue will become mind-consuming, and he will need his wife to casually talk about the big picture and the possible end results of relationships, finances, or health if he continues to totally focus on his present interest. His sweetheart needs to stay in a positive state of mind, yet not jump into his make-believe world, trying to be too much of a cheerleader on dead-end issues. Let him burn out on things that are not wise, but don’t throw water on his fire. Let him find his own balance through bumping into hard realities.”
Wow. That is really vague and contradictory advice. Debi’s advice is:
- Tiptoe around major issues that the Prophet’s current obsession might bring up.
- Be a cheerleader but not too much of a cheerleader. (After all, he doesn’t want your input or opinion…just unquestioning fawning.)
- Let him make mistakes – even huge ones – but don’t let him get discouraged.
- Have an honest conversation about probable outcomes of a potential scheme.
- Show excitement if you are really excited. Don’t fake it; that’s insulting to yourself and your spouse.
- If you have concerns, bring up the concerns and expect your spouse to listen thoughtfully to those issues.
- You have veto power in any major decisions involving finances, health, family, moving and career changes.
“Prophet/ Visionary Man’s focus is so intense that matters can easily be blown out of proportion. A wife must guard against negative conversation about people. An idle conversation by her can bring about the end of a life-long friendship. This is true with all men, but especially so with a Prophet. By beginning before you marry, you can learn not to be instrumental to Satan’s arsenal in sending fiery darts to your husband.”
If an adult man can’t discriminate between his spouse blowing off steam and talking about a real problem that can end a friendship, then that man should not marry or have friends. It’s just too hard for him.
Anyone else notice that we’ve been given a reprieve from heavy-handed Bible verses? Debi has lots of vaguely religious imagery, but no actual Bible quotes since she’s making this part up as she goes.
“A Prophet-natured man, with his tunnel vision, might spend money unwisely, leaving his wife feeling insecure. To stay happy with this man, you must remember that your treasure is not of this world. Treasure your husband and children and don’t mourn the loss of monetary things.”
In other words: Only worldly people care about making sure that their children have enough food to eat when they move into the middle of nowhere. After all, it’s not like parents have any sort of responsibility to their children, right?
“Prophet/Visionary Man needs a lady who does not take offense easily. She needs to be tough. He needs his lady to be full of life and joy. His lady will need to tuck in that quivering lip, square those shoulders and put on that smile.”
For the love of God, do not show how his reckless ways affect your family! Your job is to enable his out-of-control ways. The best way to do that is to stuff all your emotions deep down inside and NEVER let them out.
One last post in this chapter ahead: How to deal with your in-laws.
AntiPearl: Phase 2 of the system Hal and Lois have created to deal with Hal’s great ideas.
(Backstory: Hal has taken up “Jump, Jump, Dance” which is a spoof on “Dance Dance Revolution. He’s obsessed. Hal and a friend, Craig, are practicing an entire dance routine in the middle of Hal’s living room when Lois comes in dressed in a bathrobe)
Hal: These dance shoes have really helped my Kick Turns.
Totally worth the $150.
Craig: Oh-oh, here comes Yoko.
Lois: It’s five o’clock in the morning. You’ve been up all night.
Hal: Honey, I know you think this is silly, and that I’ve just gone off the deep end again, but this isn’t like the other times. I have a gift, Lois. And it would be wrong for me to turn my back on that.
Lois: Right. I see we’ve entered phase two. Which is fine, as long as you follow the rules. You have to go to work. You have to eat. You cannot involve the children.
Hal: And you’re freezing the joint account.
Lois: Did it last week. Goodnight Fred. Ginger.
Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide