Preparing To Be A Help Meet: The Prophet: Part 5

Preparing To Be A Help Meet: The Prophet: Part 5 July 14, 2014

by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide


The last section on the Prophet begins.  Debi, prophetically, informs us of how in-laws will destroy your marriage.

“Having the blessing and guidance of parents is priceless for many reasons.”

The fact that Debi home-schooled her children terrifies me.  With the topic sentence above, a reader would expect to the author to explain why the blessing and guidance of parents is useful.

There is NOTHING in this chapter that supports that sentence.  ZIP. ZERO. NADA.

It’s a dangling thesis.

” You are embarking on a new life-start it right.  Once married, the Scripture teaches: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)  “<

Gotcha.  Note the subject of the sentence is “a man.” Debi spends the rest of the chapter bashing women although I can’t imagine anyone being surprised by that.

“When you marry, your father will give you away in marriage.  You will belong to another. ” 

No. No.
In the Catholic Church, no one gives anyone away.  Theoretically, all of the parents enter through the main aisle, then the bridal couple enters the sanctuary together.  In the USA, most women are walked down the aisle by their father and/or mother, but that is a cultural construct that happens before the actual ceremony begins.

My dad walked me down the aisle.  I know that he had been looking forward to that since I was a baby.  Dad’s a very good man and an excellent father and I was happy to walk with him down the aisle.  Dad hugged me, hugged Nico and went to sit by my mom.  There was no hand-off that I remember – just tons of hugs.

On that same note, Nico asked my mom and dad for their blessing before he asked me to marry him.  Blessing NOT permission.  Why?

A. Nico planned to ask me to marry him even if my parents said no. After all, I was not the property of my parents.
B. Nico knew if he asked for my parents’ permission, they would have said no because they wouldn’t want me to marry someone who viewed me as a piece of property.
C. If I had ever found out that he had asked for permission, I wouldn’t have married him.  I’m not a piece of property.>

I don’t “belong” to my husband.  I promised to be true to him in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, and to love and honor him all the days of my life.  In other words, I vowed to be his wife.

“If you marry a Prophet-type man, this verse of Scripture will take on much greater significance.  Here’s why.  If your mother has a gentle spirit, she will have a very difficult time understanding your ‘crazy’ husband.  Her gentle heart has always been “never to offend anyone” regardless of his or her error, but if your husband has the heart of a prophet he will be standing on truth “no matter whose toes I tromp!”  Poor, kind, Mama… it will take her a while (probably after the third child) to come to appreciate this MAN who reigns as leader of you and your home.”

Question: Did the Prophet-type man act like a jerk towards his future in-laws during the courtship process?

If the answer is no: Shouldn’t we be more afraid about how easy it is to snowball the parents during the courtship process?

If the answer is yes: Why would you marry your daughter off to a disrespectful jerk?

Either way: Dating sounds better and better.

“God, in his great wisdom, knew how dismayed sweet-hearted mama would be; hence he gave instructions to Adam when Eve and, by extension, to all couples thereafter, as we find repeated in the books of Matthew, Mark and Ephesians.  The need for observing this precept is revealed inMark 10:4-8. “And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.  And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness for your heart he wrote you this precept.  But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.”

*Blinks rapidly*

I’ve read the first sentence 10 times and it still doesn’t make sense.  I think a chunk was left out between “Adam when Eve and _____________”  That is EXACTLY how it is written in the book.<

I was curious why Debi alluded to three sets of instructions in Mark, Matthew and Ephesians, but only wrote out the quote from Mark.  Since the verses that parallel Genesis only cover Mark 10: 6-8, I figured that the portion about divorce in Mark 10:4-5 was important to the point Debi was making.

Silly me.

Matthew 19:1-12 is similar to Mark 10:6-8 but not identical.  Matthew allows for divorce when sexual immorality occurs AND states that some people would be better off single and abstaining from sex rather than married.   I guess Debi didn’t want to open that can of worms since I can’t see her writing a book called “Called to NOT be a Help Meet: Being Your Own Woman.”

I got really confused when I tried to run a search for the term “divorce” in Ephesians because since Ephesians never mentions divorce.

I got a much better result when I ran “marriage”.

Ephesians 5:31 is a literal quote (with quotation marks and everything) of Genesis 2:24.  Another amazing scholarly breakthrough by the Pearls!  The writer of Ephesians had read Genesis!

Oh, wait.  We knew that already.

That’s 10 minutes of my life I’m never getting back.

“In our ministry we receive thousands of letters seeking help for hurting marriages.  Many issues could instantly be solved if both the man and his new bride obeyed the simple rule of leaving and cleaving. “

It’s important for a newly married couple to create their own life together separate from their families of origin.  Yes, failure to do so can cause serious problems.  “Leave and cleave” isn’t an instant fix, though.  The problems are usually deeper and more complicated than that.

There are good reasons why the term mother-in-law evokes negative thoughts in the minds of many.”

I’m insulted on behalf of my mother-in-law who is a great lady and on behalf of my mom who is also a great mother-in-law.

I just realized that for 5 poor souls….DEBI IS THEIR MOTHER-IN-LAW!

*shudders convulsively*

  “Once you marry, your honor and allegiance belongs to your man. “

How does my honor belong to my husband?  What does that even mean?

“Of course, you will probably forget what is written here…so I have an idea to help you keep this important bit of information ready for your coming day:”

Yes, Debi.  We have the brainpower of a small newt.  That’s why we’re reading your books instead of reading something useful.

“The Scroll

Take a sheet of pretty paper and write a commitment: “I, ___________, make a commitment this day, _______, to honor, reverence and obey my Prophet/Visionary husband for the man he is.  I will appreciate his dreams; I will not listen to anyone bad mouthing him, and I will remember that I am his help meet to stand with him in all that he wants to accomplish.” etc.

Roll your document and tie it with a ribbon, the store it away in your Treasure Chest.  If you do marry one of these rascally Prophet types…this rolled-up, written commitment might save your husband a whole lot of irritation.”


When I was young, my mom worked in Loss Prevention. A point she drove home over and over: Never sign a blank check.  

That tidy little scroll may save your alleged future husband some irritation, but no woman should blindly promise to obey anyone.



I know my mother-in-law would drive two hours to go see a movie that I’m in.

Melanie Lynskey

 Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | 

Part 7 |  Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13

Part 14 | Part 15

Read everything by Mel!

Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Saraquill

    Debi’s not even an actual mother in law, due to Michael’s absurd troll logic. None of her kids are in relations ships with legal protections.

    Yeah, I have vacuums that suck less than the Pearls.

  • Trollface McGee

    That’s a horrifying picture of marriage. You could retitle it “advice to chattel or a slave about to be sold.”
    Being too enmeshed with toxic in-laws isn’t good (Debi and Michael for in-laws? I’d get a mysterious illness at every family event *shudder*) but especially with a “Prophet” type jerk – it seems like a very easy way for an abuser to isolate the other partner from their family.

  • Nea

    You will belong to another.

    Slavery is illegal, Debi.

    Poor, kind, Mama… it will take her a while (probably after the
    third child) to come to appreciate this MAN who reigns as leader of you
    and your home.”

    In other words, “poor kind Mama” is very likely trying to *defend her beloved child from a jerk* and will only give up when the woman makes it clear she’s not leaving and/or she’ll hold the grandkids hostage.

    Many issues could instantly be solved if both the man and his new bride obeyed the simple rule of leaving and cleaving.

    Yeah, the whole issue of the woman’s parents trying to defend and protect her from someone who treats her like a slave is totally fixed if the in-laws wash their hands of their own child.

    $5 says when Rebekah’s husband stopped working, Debi’s comfort to her now impoverished, stuck daughter was “tough, he owns you.”

    Notice it’s all about the woman’s parents reacting to The MAN (oh, how 1960s!) What about the woman’s reaction to *her* in-laws?

  • Nea

    Heck, Debi’s gassed up the abuser’s car and locked the woman inside.

  • Tessa O’Connor

    “It seems like a very easy way for an abuser to isolate the other partner from their family.”

    Yes, yes, yes. You know as abusive as Michael is, I’m starting to wonder what his parents are actually like. Something tells me Debi married into an unhealthy family.

  • KarenH

    Dear Debi: My “Treasure Chest” is busy menstruating right now; is there somewhere else I can stick your scroll??

  • Nightshade

    “Called to NOT be a Help Meet: Being Your Own Woman.” There’s a book I’d like to read!

  • Nightshade

    There is. Might need a colorectal surgeon to assist, and Debi might find it a tad uncomfortable, but it would be the most appropriate place for it.

  • Em

    My super manipulative ex fits the visionary type perfectly. He would often accuse me of leaning on my family too much, but then turned around and moved his two brothers and his brother and law, into our house at one time or another. Also I never spoke bad of him, but he would often stew over, and grill me for any offhand comment that he took as negative for weeks or months at a time. Yeah Debbie, I’m sure it was all my fault, he wasn’t just setting me up to fail so he had a reason to rake me over the coals.