Quoting Quiverfull: Defrauding Your Spouse?

Quoting Quiverfull: Defrauding Your Spouse? July 22, 2014

by Michael Pearl from his book ‘Holy Sex’ at the 80% mark on the Kindle since Michael didn’t provide page counts for the electronic version.

“Defraud ye not one the other…[To withhold sexual satisfaction from one’s partner is to defraud]… except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency” (1 Corinthians 7:5)

Again, the assumption is that when one does not have his or her sexual needs met in marriage, it leaves  them open to be tempted of Satan. God intended for a spouse to give more than passive submission. If a woman or a man is not an active and interested participant, they are defrauding their partner.

Next part Michael compares sex with worshiping God.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    No surprise on the next section; we already know Michael worships his own penis. As for this one… is anyone else creeped out that fundamentalists use a legal term to refer to sex? In that it is literally someone else’s due right and nothing to do with consent of the other party involved?

  • Trollface McGee

    It pisses me off. I don’t know if they use that term because it’s in the KJV or because they’re implying that there’s guilt attached to refusing to put out or both. If it’s the latter, then they’re basically reducing marriage to a long-term prostitution contract (and then have the nerve to talk about the “sanctity of marriage”)

  • Mel

    “except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; ”

    So, my husband and I were ‘defrauding’ or in plainer English “sinning” when our sex life dropped way off when I was grieving and he was suffering from a really bizarre sinus infection from hell since we weren’t fasting and/or praying?

    Of course not. If Michael Pearl had spent any of those 50+ years of reading the Bible pulling out a damn commentary or history item, he’d realize that 1 Corinthians was rebuking teachers who were telling congregants that all sex – married, unmarried, don’t think consent existed back then – was evil because the 2nd coming was coming soon and they should pass up all sex to pray and fast continuously.

    Michael Pearl: Bible Commentaries written for Narcissists and their Codependent Partners (TM)

  • Trollface McGee

    Believe it or not, I’ve actually heard that before (from my favourite pastor that I’d love to hit with a 2×4, Kevin Anderson) – if you aren’t fasting and praying, you should be doing it and it’s rape if you say no.

  • Nightshade

    ‘… reducing marriage to a long-term prostitution contract.’ Pretty much, except a prostitute can terminate the contract.

  • Evelyn

    One of my ex-husband’s fundie friends once told him that he, my ex, “put up with” my eventual unwillingness to be raped, far longer than he himself would have “tolerated” it. Do these men even know how to make love, or is rape their default?

  • Allison the Great

    With Michael’s abusive and sociopathic demeanor, (not the mention that judging from that oh-so-romantic story of his and Debi’s honeymoon, he’s got a thing for raping his wife into exhaustion) is there a woman alive that would be an active and enthusiastic participate when having sex with him?

    I swear, if Michael were not married, he would be one of those really disgusting and terribly misogynistic assholes who are angry because most women today want some sort of autonomy. These are the types of guys that don’t think that women have the right to say no to sex, and when they do, they’re all whores.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Kevin Anderson actually claims that a woman rapes her husband by refusing to have sex with him????

    *hands over a 4″x4″ post*

  • How would they learn? All they’ve been told is that men are lustful creatures who have a physical need for sex that they can’t help. And that they need to save that sex thing for their wives. Oh, and women should cover up their goods because guys just can’t control their dirty thoughts.
    And as an afterthought, maybe the day before the wedding night, there may be a brief, awkward chat about where things go. Then the guy is married to a girl with probably even less sexual knowledge (about herself and her partner), topped with a huge helping of “I have shut down my evil lustful sex thoughts for my whole life. Sex is bad, men are evil rapists. Except now I’m married and my husband requires sex or he’ll cheat on me.”
    Sounds like a great start, doesn’t it?

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Michael would be just like this sexually frustrated patriarch that seems to turn off the women in his path – http://freenortherner.com/2014/07/18/the-rationalization-of-effort/

  • Trollface McGee

    I’m not sure whether he called it rape but he was saying that it was a sin to say “no” unless you mutually agree(and agree to fast and pray) – therefore marital rape can’t exist and if one spouse says “no” they’re the ones committing the sin.
    I’d try to find it, but after going through a few hours of his sermons, I am a bit burned out on the stupidity.

  • MizzKittay

    Why can’t these men just pop one off into the toilet/tissue like gentlemen? I dated a guy like this once. Before I even knew what QF/P was. I actually messed around with him (intimately) and soon the marriage talk broke out. Which I was surprised because I had never actually met a guy who spoke about marriage. I was all for it until… until… he said that before we married I had to agree to become his cum dumpster/receptacle. Sex 3 times a week no less. I promptly said “No dice” and told him my sex drive wasn’t anywhere near that level. I told him I was willing to compromise though. I told him I’d be okay with him having a sex buddy (one person only so he wasn’t bringing STDs home) to alleviate his issue. Holy hell broke loose. I just couldn’t deal with it. Seriously, how many women make *that* kind of compromise. I felt like freakin’ Joan of Arc for trying to make that kind of offer.

  • Allison the Great

    I read that blog post, or however much I could stand. That guy was a dick.

  • Anonyme

    I made the mistake of reading Michael’s honeymoon story (it was posted in Free Jinger) and I had to look it over again to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. Nothing more romantic than forcing your wife to hunt crabs in ill-fitting tennis shoes in the middle of the night, demanding she cook a full supper and then having sex (read: raping) with her when she’s not fully awake…

  • Guest

    I’m a virgin (by choice), but isn’t sex more enjoyable when your partner is genuinely “into” it and fully enjoys the intimacy you have with him/her?
    I’d like to smack Michael Pearl several times with a willow switch.

  • Astrin Ymris

    Then try no more! Contact with intense stupidity raises your blood pressure to no good purpose. ;-D

  • Allison the Great

    I can only imagine the things that he put her through and did to Debi and the kids that he chose not to write about. She must live in some house of horrors.

  • Trollface McGee

    Oh, it has its uses – like every time people say something like “well the next stupid thing fundies are going to say…” I can be like, “nope, they’ve said that already…and more!”
    But I can’t afford any more desks and my head is killing me!

  • Astrin Ymris


  • Evelyn

    A woman at my old church once asserted very loudly that no man wanted to have sex with a woman who wasn’t interested. I remember wanting to tell her she was wrong, but not knowing how to say it. She was a part of one of those marriages where they say they are patriarchal, but actually lived as egalitarians without ever admitting to it.

  • gimpi1

    Yeah, and I guess when I’m having an arthritic flair and in too much pain to be much interested in sex, I’m “defrauding” my husband. And he’s “defrauding” me when he understands that?

    (Sarcasm alert!)
    And, Mel, how dare you do actual research and find out the context of a quote. Don’t you know quote-mining is the only way to use the Bible? Next thing you know you’ll be thinking! We all know where that ends up… Sin!
    (End sarcasm alert)

  • gimpi1

    And that’s an insult to dicks everywhere. He’s a Mega-Dick. The most dickish of all dicks. Dick-zillia!

  • Astrin Ymris

    I tried to read it, but didn’t get very far. Everything else aside, he’s not a very effective communicator.

    Based on the blog title and visual design, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he’s a white supremacist and/or Neo-Nazi.

  • Allison the Great

    I know I’ve said this on another post, but I am willing to bet that he’s not very successful career-wise.

  • Astrin Ymris

    And we KNOW he’s not having any romantic success. ;-D

  • Allison the Great

    HE was a dick hole then. Better? Not even good enough to be a dick or a bag of dicks.