Preparing To Be A Help Meet: The King Part 3

Preparing To Be A Help Meet: The King Part 3 August 8, 2014

What Debi doesn’t tell you is that sometimes even being the most respectful and supportive of the King doesn’t mean you will not get replaced by this sociopath

by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide

So much toxicity in FOUR paragraphs.  

“A good King sees the bigger picture and strives to help the greatest number, even if it costs him his life and the lives of those he loves.” 

Remember in the Gospel where Jesus throws Peter in front of the guards who came to arrest him?  Or the time Jesus made it out of the temple after challenging the money-changers by blaming his brothers?

Don’t remember those?  Me either.  That’s because Jesus NEVER sacrificed the lives of those he loved.

Let’s compare Debi’s take with some quotes from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

2264    Love toward oneself remains a fundamental principle of morality. Therefore it is legitimate to insist on respect for one’s own right to life. Someone who defends his life is not guilty of murder even if he is forced to deal his aggressor a lethal blow: (2196)
If a man in self-defense uses more than necessary violence, it will be unlawful: whereas if he repels force with moderation, his defense will be lawful…. Nor is it necessary for salvation that a man omit the act of moderate self-defense to avoid killing the other man, since one is bound to take more care of one’s own life than of another’s.66
2265    Legitimate defense can be not only a right but a grave duty for one who is responsible for the lives of others. The defense of the common good requires that an unjust aggressor be rendered unable to cause harm. For this reason, those who legitimately hold authority also have the right to use arms to repel aggressors against the civil community entrusted to their responsibility. (2240)
 In short: You have the right to protect yourself if you choose.  You have a grave duty (in Catholic-ese, that means “you have to unless you have a damn good reason”) protect those who look to you for protection.

“If he is an honest man, he will take financial loss in order to help lead those who need him, but in the end he will usually come out on top.  If he is not an honest man, he will be selfish and use the resources of others to further this own interests.  A good wife can and does make the difference in how a leader is able to lead.”


My first teaching job lasted about 18 months in an alternative high school in a working-class, urban neighborhood.  The students were coming from really rough situations – multiple foster home placements, runaways, in and out of the justice system.  As a staff member, I worked HARD to be a stable, reliable adult that my teenagers could trust – an adult who wouldn’t abandon them again.

Our staff was tight-knit.  There were about 30 of us across 3 major programs and we would often eat lunch and dinner together since our school ran from 7:30am to 9:00pm.  We got to know each other’s families.   My principal’s wife was an awesome woman and I enjoyed spending time with her and their adopted children.

The school came to a screeching halt when the principal was removed pending an investigation of fraud.  He’d been inflating student numbers for years.

See, the principal was some-what socialized narcissist.  He had a plan – build a great school and get acclaim (and cash) for running an award winning program.  The fact that he needed to scam the government for extra cash was rationalized with the idea “It’s for the good of the kids.”  (Bullshit.)  

What was the net outcome?  The staff of 30 was reduced to around 6.  The students lost 24 people with whom they had bonded.   Just what kids with disrupted lives need: more disruption.

Who do I blame? My principal primarily with some condemnation saved for the superintendent who looked the other way….

Why the hell would I blame his wife?  She was a great person – but she didn’t cause his problems, couldn’t control his problems and can’t cure his problems.

“A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife to share his fame and glory.  Without a woman’s admiration, his victories are muted.

“A faithful wife.”

 “A woman’s admiration.” 

Any woman will do in the “King’s” world: YOU can be replaced.

 “If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat, and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her. She will be his closest and sometimes his only confidante.  Over the years, the Kingly Man can become more yielding and gentle. His wife will discover secret portals to his heart.”

In exchange for giving up everything and living with a self-absorbed jerk, you may get to know the jerk better than anyone else.  Perhaps.  If you are worthy enough, …..

“[Note from a Command Man: And not all kingly men lack gentleness.  I’ve been praised for being gentle, so there’s hope for us young monarchs.]”

*slow claps*

Thank you for sharing other people’s praise of yourself!  I’m SO glad to know that!

“A King who has “gone bad” is likely to be abusive, selfish, and overbearing.”

After all, a Good “King” is self-absorbed, selfish and overbearing.  

 “It is important to remember that much of how a Kingly Man reacts depends on his wife’s reverence towards him. When a Kingly Man (lost or saved) is treated with honor and reverence, a good help meet will find that her man will be wonderfully protective and supportive.  In most marriages, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects obedience, honor, and reverence, and is not getting it.  Thus, he reacts badly. “

Here’s Debi bringing the standard victim-blaming again!  

Since Debi won’t do it, here’s a list of abuse warning signs compiled by the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

If you’re beginning to feel as if your partner or a loved one’s partner is becoming abusive, there are a few behaviors that you can look out for. Watch out for these red flags and if you’re experiencing one or more of them in your relationship, call the hotline to talk about what’s going on.

  • Telling you that you can never do anything right
  • Showing jealousy of your friends and time spent away
  • Keeping you or discouraging you from seeing friends or family members
  • Embarrassing or shaming you with put-downs
  • Controlling every penny spent in the household
  • Taking your money or refusing to give you money for expenses
  • Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
  • Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
  • Preventing you from making your own decisions
  • Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to harm or take away your children
  • Preventing you from working or attending school
  • Destroying your property or threatening to hurt or kill your pets
  • Intimidating you with guns, knives or other weapons
  • Pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
  • Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol
Two more from me:
  • Does physical harm to you.
  • Interferes with your use of birth control.

If you need help due to abuse, call 1-800-799-HELP (7233) or (if you have access to a computer that your partner does not), go to

AntiPearl: “If I were free, as a physician, to say what I pleased, I would tell every abused person I see that there is an entire world out there that is nothing like the one you’re living. Go discover it.” 

― C. (Cody) KennedyOmorphi

Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | 

Part 7 |  Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13

Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19Part 20

Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23

Read everything by Mel!

Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

Browse Our Archives