by Erin Harrison from No Greater Joy magazine – Virtuous Conversation
Talking bad about our husbands to others can spoil his reputation among the brethren. When a wife unloads to friends about how unreasonable or controlling he is, it may make her feel better for the moment, but it will spoil his good name for a long time to come.
I have had two sisters in Christ continually cry to me about how horrible their husbands treated them. One wife would call me in desperation, telling me that she could not take his controlling nature any longer. She felt she was not allowed to go anywhere or do anything but serve him. It did not matter that she had talents and dreams. She was forced to set her life aside to be at his beck and call. I listened, I cried with her, and I began to despise her husband. There were times I would get so angry for how poorly she was being treated that I would tell her to leave him. Wow! I know now that I was wrong to feed into her backbiting as I did. The right thing would have been for my husband and I to have a meeting with her and her husband. Her husband deserved his day in court. He had no voice, and I did not get to hear his heart as I judged him and condemned him.
Our poor conversation pulled me into relating situations in my own marriage that I was not happy with, so we began to commiserate. Our husbands were brought under the slaughter of our words. Every time I would be around her husband, I would think he was such a jerk, even though he would be so very kind to our family.
Years later, I came to realize that I was a wretched wife. I saw how trustworthy my husband was, how he would never go around telling people about how nasty I was to him. He did not tell people when I would slam a door in his face or tell him that I was leaving him, when I did not get my way. I could act like a total, unreasonable jerk to him, and trust that my good name would not be smeared. No one wants other people to know what happens behind closed doors. Even the people who have a great measure of self-control can act nasty in their own seething quiet way, and would not want others to find out about it. From then on, I knew it would spoil the trust we had in each other. I stopped my slanderous tongue against my dear husband. Afterwards, when another wife came to me about her troubles with her unreasonable husband, I did not cater to her or feel sorry for her. I saw my own past ugliness in her every word. We know there are husbands out there who beat their wives, molest their children, commit adultery, watch porn, or are addicted to alcohol and drugs. What a blessing it is to be married to an honorable man who may be stern and controlling, but only wants to protect his family. He is generally like that because he feels a grave responsibility to the Lord for his children. Her husband carries a heavy weight in his heart, making sure he provides the resources and protection that his family needs. And then his wife goes around telling people all that he says behind closed doors instead of trusting the Lord to give her the grace to endure. When you put it into perspective, the beaten wife of a perverted husband would give anything to have such a protective man whom she could trust. It is all in your perspective. I have learned not to tolerate the complaining wife. It is hard for me to not comfort and allow her that venting, but I know it is one sided and it spoils the trust that he may have in her. If she were actually in a dangerous or abusive situation, I would have called the police and had him arrested. I do not tolerate abuse, since I was abused as a child. If you are in an abusive situation, I would suggest the same. It is a sin to enable such abuse to continue. In this woman’s situation, she was simply not happy because her husband was being harsh and unkind towards her. She feels unappreciated and overlooked. A typical “Me Monster” situation.
QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders or their followers/enforcers and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.