Quoting Quiverfull: Premarital Sex Always Sin?

Quoting Quiverfull: Premarital Sex Always Sin? August 8, 2014

boundsexuallyby The Forgiven Wife – Lessons Learned from Premarital Sex

It took me a long time to recognize that my premarital sexual activity had any effect on my marriage at all. How is your marriage affected by your own premarital activity?

Did you learn negative lessons about sex, or about yourself, as a result of your own sin? Have you confessed this sin and accepted God’s forgiveness? It is far too easy to let our own negative lessons get in the way of intimacy with our husbands.

For years, when I experienced any difficulty with sexual intimacy in our marriage, my internal response was something along the lines of, This is my punishment. I deserve it. Because I hadn’t accepted God’s forgiveness, I was still stuck in a cycle where the sin defined everything that happened to me.

Many times, I would think back to the notion of accepting God’s forgiveness. It took me a long time to even be able to call what I did “sin.” I said that I made mistakes. I did. I said that I was a stupid 19-year-old. I was. Until I was able to name my mistakes and stupidity as sin, I was not able to accept forgiveness for that sin.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders or their followers/enforcers and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

Comments open below

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

13:24 – A Story of Faith and Obsession by M Dolon Hickmon

"I have mainly been watching NBC and the local news, and whatever shows up on ..."

Covid 19 More Ministry Responses and ..."
"You know that if they're NOT just some cyborgbotz, that FOX is off the hook ..."

Covid 19 More Ministry Responses and ..."
"She had a wonderful, fierce protectiveness of people and hatred of evil, while simultaneously killing ..."

Open Thread – COVID 19 Stupidity ..."
"I absolutely loved John Oliver's take on the OAN network. They are cretins2 I have ..."

Covid 19 More Ministry Responses and ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


TRENDING AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Nea

    I cannot get my head around a philosophy on which the normal mistakes and decisions of life are reclassified as a deep personal flaw that require punishment.

  • Em

    It’s funny (sort of) how they insist that the drawbacks of certain actions are a lifetime of regret (premarital sex, abortion, and such) then go out of their way to make sure that’s true. The consequences are entirely self contained.

  • lh

    I still wasn’t sure if I believed sex outside of marriage was a sin or not when I had sex for the first time at age seventeen. Obviously I had enough doubts about the concept to decide to just go ahead and sleep with a guy I knew who I wasn’t dating and wasn’t interested in dating. It was great, it didn’t hurt like everyone said it would, and I didn’t regret it in the least. My first thought was, “So this is it?” Not in a bad, unimpressed way. I had just heard sex talked about as this huge ordeal that would change you emotionally and…it didn’t. It was fun and I decided that even if it was a sin, it wasn’t any worse in God’s eyes than lying, or being unkind, or anything else. Fast forward to now, and I don’t believe it’s a sin at all…but it all started with my sweet little doubting heart as a kid. I hate that these women are essentially brainwashed into believing that sex before marriage will ruin their lives. Thank god for public school or I would have been right there too.

  • Allison the Great

    Sex before marriage will not ruin your life unless you think you did something wrong, and it’s not wrong to have sex without getting married. I would never wait until marriage. I would never marry someone unless I knew we were compatible both in and out of the bedroom. Having a good person to have conversations with is great and everything but I’ve got needs too and if I want a guy to just “talk” with, I’ll do that with one of my friends. I would never want to wait, marry the guy, and then find out that he has strange fetishes that I’m uncomfortable with or that he has some serious mental or physical sexual issues. This stuff needs to be discovered and addressed before I’d even think about marriage. I think sexual chemistry is very important in a marriage, and from what we can see from some of these Quiverful women experience (spousal rape, not being able to enjoy sex because they barely know their new husbands, objectification by their husbands because they don’t know each other very well, and a myriad of others) getting this stuff out on the table (and sometimes going horizontal with each other on the table helps too, I’m just sayin’) is very important if you want to be happy and have a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse.

  • Trollface McGee

    They promote a system where relationships are structured to be toxic, where communication and normal human interaction is discouraged – but, in order to keep the system(which is priority #1), you need something to blame – so you blame premarital sex, demons, abortions, abortion demons, the fact that your great-grandpa read porn, anything to keep the system intact.
    It reminds me of the witch-hunters in Africa(though that is far more tragic and horrible) where children are blamed for their family members having health problems and the like. The pastors there can’t cure disease and they need the money rolling in, and the kids are a convenient scapegoat, and any harm done to them is not taken into the equation.

  • SAO

    I’m very glad that my husband and I separated sharing a bed, sharing an apartment, and sharing our lives. That meant we worked out the issues in each step free from the issues of the others. I’d recommend everyone do this.

    Needless to say, I don’t think premarital sex is a sin.

  • Joyce

    I’ve never thought of it in those words–but it’s so true.

  • What makes you think the author is in any way quiver-full?

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    If you had bothered to read about this site you would have seen that it is not just Quiverfull that is discussed here, but all judgmental fundamental evangelical poisonous false doctrine as well. Things that harm women, are spiritually abusive.

    Belief that premarital sex is somehow ‘damaging’ fits in that category.

  • My bad, I figured something with “Quoting Quiverfull” in the title was going to quote someone who is quiverfull.

    I am no fan of quiverfull or patriarchy, and I appreciate your efforts to help those who have been deeply hurt by such thing. I’d go about it differently, but oh well!