Quoting Quiverfull: Respecting Your Husband’s Decisions Always?

Quoting Quiverfull: Respecting Your Husband’s Decisions Always? September 4, 2014

christianhusbandby Heidi St. John from her blog The Busy Mom – To Love and Respect

When he makes a decision in the home, we demonstrate our respect by our response to that decision. If we roll our eyes or make fun (or whatever) it sends a message loud and clear. It is easy to respect him when he makes a decision that we approve of. It’s not so easy when they do something that we don’t approve of.

The truth is, our respect for him needs to be unconditional. I’m not saying that we respect something that is sinful, but we respect our husbands by honoring their decisions, by respecting the gifts and abilities that God has given them, and making sure they KNOW how much we respect them by verbally communicating that to them.

If you’re struggling with this area in your life, sit down for a few minutes and read Ephesians 5 again.  Ask the Lord to show you what that looks like in your marriage.

Next time you feel irritated or upset and you want to get frustrated when your husband makes a decision (like not asking for directions or whatever your pet-peeve is) remind yourself that you are honoring God when you honor your husband.

QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders or their followers/enforcers and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

Comments open below

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  • Saraquill

    “Wife, to save on money, I say that you and the children shall have only one meal a week, and make do without clothing or heat this winter to further cut expenses.”

    Wife: “Your choice is so very respectable.I will start right away.” 😀

  • Nea

    Ms St John, the truth is respect must be earned. It’s LOVE that should be unconditional.

    But I notice that in your world, every advisor preaches the exact opposite, if they can even tell the difference between the two in the first place.

  • Nea

    I’d laugh, but this is the reality of too many women. Debi Pearl and the summer of cat food and cabbage. Her daughter, whose husband gave away all their money and refuses to work. The Above Rubies woman tired of being a “big coping girl” in a freezing house filled with smoke and mold.

    All of them living a third world 10th century life in a first world 21st century country and tying themselves in knots to say that no matter what horrible situation hubby has deliberately put them in, he’s just The Bestest, Wisest, Holiest guy around and they’re so lucky to have him.

  • I have seen this line of reasoning quite often. Here is my response from earlier this year – http://watchtheshepherd.blogspot.com/2014/03/if-you-expect-real-respect.html

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Yes, I’m sure that in every married household around the world, the only things that a husband might decide to do that a wife thinks he’s a FREAKING IDIOT for is not asking for directions (I wonder if a yak herder’s wife gets upset because her husband gets lost herding the yaks all day..,.they were supposed to be over on that area of tundra/steppe, and instead they’re over by that stupid rocky slope again!) and random pet peeves like not picking their dirty clothes up off the floor and putting them in the hamper like a civilized human being, forgetting their mother’s birthday, and watching football instead of spending time with their family.

    I’m beginning to think that these people are pushing the whole man-is-your-intermediary-with-God and man-as-ruler-of-all so that they don’t have to worry that their wife is praying for their husband to GET A CLUE, or start expecting a little help around the house, and if all else fails they might just pray for A DIFFERENT HUSBAND…and let God decide what happens to the lousy one they’ve got.

  • texcee

    To borrow a line from Star Wars: “Who’s the bigger fool? The fool or the fool who follows him?”

  • Astrin Ymris

    And of course, reproducing at maximum density tends to discourage women from divorcing the irresponsible idiot, because how can she support 4 or 5 children with a homeschool education? If she remains married, at least she’ll get SOME support from her “church family”.

    Which is probably another reason the CPM teaches that contraception is evil– it gives women more options to escape a lousy husband.

  • Astrin Ymris

    It’s amazing how much weight the CPM places on forged Pauline epistles and the trite platitudes of the essentially self-promoting King Solomon.


  • It’s actually worse than you know. I found out in random conversation with some women at WalMart that apparently once a man has 9 children? No matter from HOW many mothers? He cannot be held liable for child support. For *any* of them. Now, whether this is a Texas only thing, I don’t know. I just know that one of them has dealt first hand with a man who is off the hook for the support of his children because he’s got nine of them.

  • Joy

    Sadly, they have to believe that or life would be too hard without changing something. Since divorce is a no-no, they have few options…actually none that I can think of. They can’t leave, they can’t tell anyone the truth about what’s going on because they’ll just be blamed for it, all they can do is convince themselves that *grits teeth and forces a smile* it’s great to live like this!

  • Joy

    That law needs to be changed! Did some guy with nine kids write it?!

    Here in Ontario, the law is “First family first”. As far as I know, we don’t have a point at which a man gets off scot-free. If they don’t keep up with their child support payments, they lose their passport and driver’s licence.

  • JeanPing

    I want to see that in writing. Citation! 🙂

  • Nea

    You’d think there’d come a time when they realize that life is SO hard right now that anything would be a better change.

  • Nea

    It’s certainly why they preach government=bad. Because for some of these women, living in a shelter would actually be an improvement in living conditions. At least the shelter has indoor plumbing and heat.

    And the last thing they need women at the end of their tether to realize is that they will actually be *better off* if they go to the government for their rightful share of the social safety net.

  • Wow! Lots of traffic from this blog today! I wanted to let you know, since some of you brought up the topic, that I have been speaking out against domestic violence, especially in the home school community. I just collected all of my links — to my own articles and others — on a separate blog page here: http://watchtheshepherd.blogspot.com/p/domestic-violence.html

  • Astrin Ymris

    I couldn’t find confirmation of that. What I DID find is that in Texas the amount of child support a man could be required to pay from his income maxes out at five children. If he has six or more kids… well, the mother(s) are just going to have to make do.



    Also, any net monthly income above $7,500.00 is NOT subject to this formula. Only if a custodial parent can show that the child has specific needs that warrant additional financial support can this income be tapped, but ONLY to the precise amount proven. Even if dad’s a millionaire, his child support obligation is “capped” at that of someone whose yearly net income is $90,000. I can only think that the logic is that gold digging ex-wives can’t be allowed to access a 10 percenter’s assets, even if it’s to raise his children.

    Also, for some reason, if a father has to support children in multiple households, the amount he has to pay is LESS than if they were all in the same household. Again, this seems to be an effort to punish “loose women” for having non-marital sex with a philanderer, while at the same time rewarding men for BEING a philanderer. Misogyny has never been about logic.

    Whether a wealthy father who has six or more children to support can be required to pay more than this 40%-of-the-first-$7,500 is not directly addressed.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    This is why I appreciate the interactive comment exchange with others. Things that I may not have thought of or at least not remember at the time aren’t left by the wayside by others. 🙂

    And they forgive me for kind of yelling too. Sometimes things get my bra straps in a knot, as hard as I work to avoid it.

  • At the time I didn’t ask for citations because it’s kinda bad form to question people when you’re participating on the side in a conversation at the deli in WalMart, but I’d like to see the writing on that one too. I’m not even sure how to go about looking it up, to be honest.

    If anyone can prove or disprove this, I’m interested in what can be found.

  • mayarend

    Funny fact – respecting someone and always agreeing with someone is definitely not the same thing.

  • Astrin Ymris

    It’s okay; I totally get it. 🙂

  • Astrin Ymris

    Suzanne, did my long post last night get deleted because it violated one of the site guidelines? If so, I’m sorry. 🙁

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    It went into the spam filter for some reason. I can’t understand why sometimes Disqus eats posts and puts them in spam while letting the occasional spam go through while the old WordPress comment system through Patheos collects hundreds of pieces of spam a day..

  • Astrin Ymris

    Ah. Thanks. Late-night posting is always a risk, and I know I was pretty punchy toward the end! ;-D

  • Hannah

    Sometimes I question my husband’s decisions. And you know why? It’s BECAUSE I respect him. I respect him, so I want what’s best for us as a family unit, and because I don’t want to see him humiliated for the world to see. It’s part of my job as wife to keep him level, question decisions to make sure it’s actually what he wants to do, make sure he’s not harming himself (and us, and our future children…) in the long run. Respect isn’t bowing to his every whim; that’s worship. Respect has both of you on an even field, able to look each other in the eye.

  • Julie

    I’m not Quiverful – in fact, I’m a female attorney. Why should adults never roll their eyes at children or show that children’s ideas are silly, but it’s okay for spouses to roll their eyes or scoff at each other? I don’t want my ideas or feelings laughed at, so why would I expect my husband to enjoy that?

    The tone in this article and most of the posts below is male bashing and selfish: “Take women seriously, guys, because we’re saving everybody from your stupidity. We have valuable, important thoughts and feelings, but you’re just idiotic boobs who would love to take advantage of women and children if we’d let you.”

    Good luck with those marriages.