Preparing To Be A Help Meet: Three Types of Woman Part 4

Preparing To Be A Help Meet: Three Types of Woman Part 4 October 15, 2014

HenryVby Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide

Now, Debi moves on to the “Go-to Gal” which is supposed to be the female version of the King.

“The Go-to Gal
My son’s wife, Zephyr, is a Go-to Gal, similar to the King type.  That is not to say she is overtly bossy; she knows her place as a wife.  But she is strong, capable, and gives a sense of taking care of the greater number of people.  Go-to Gals ooze with confidence, have strong opinions, and do well organizing people.  These types often have a queenly presence.  Beware: Girls that are dominant can easily become Grabbers.”

Where does Debi’s obsession with serving the “greater number” of people come from?  I find that a strange obsession since the Gospels are pretty clear on serving the people left behind by society – not the “greatest number”.

Actually, Zephyr sounds interesting.  With any luck, Debi’s son Nathan took after a nice relative rather than his parents.

Don’t know what a Grabber is…. perhaps a later chapter will let us know..

“An example of a Kingly man in Scripture is King Solomon.  David was in fact a king, but in personal nature he manifested himself as a Priestly type.  A female example of a Go-to Gal is Deborah.  Her story is found in Judges 4.  She was a judge in Israel and such a strong personality that the armies would not go to battle without her being with them.”


I don’t know why Debi declaims that King Solomon was Kingly while King David was….not.  This is one of those places where an explanation would be nice.

Deborah is a great example of a “Go-to-Gal”.  She also worked outside the home and spent time in the company of unrelated men, in case anyone was keeping score on that count.

Also in Judges 4 – Jael.  Jael of “Pretend to hide the enemy’s king in a tent then drive a tent stake through his skull while he sleeps” fame.    I think we can count Jael as a “Go-to-Gal”.

Elizabeth“When I think of Queenly/Go-to Gal, two different ladies come to mind.  One is a pastor’s wife.  He is regal and so is she.  When she walks into a room, she glides with her head held high. “

Clearly, posture is entirely dependent on inner personality characteristics.  Duly noted.

 “The King Male/Queen Female combination is often bad, but because she has purposed her heart to serve and honor her husband, their marriage is powerful.” 


Since when is the King/Queen combination bad?  Where did that come from?  Not from history…or the Bible…..seriously, where did this come from?

 “She brings it strength and honor.  Her resolve allows him to grow as a minister without having to take time to pamper her as his weaker vessel. Together they do well in raising a family in a challenging ministry.  In the back of this book, her husband will tell an awesome story about his strong capable wife.”

Oh, goody.  Can’t wait to hear this story.  The rest of the quotes are from the perspective of the minister husband.

“Well, I would like to say the most important thing to me is that my wife does not have a critical spirit toward me.  She does not keep a “weighted-in-the-balance” score card like some ladies do.  What I mean by that is, she does not keep mental records of the household chores I do then compare them to the amount she does.  I see other wives making sure their husbands take their turn doing housework or babysitting, and if the husband does not jump into “his role,” as she has determined it to be, then she is mad.  I am so proud of my fine wife.  Her serving heart makes me love her more and more each day.”

Wow.  He is wiling to point-blank admit he doesn’t do a fair share around the house then praises his wife for doing what he is too lazy to do.


“My favorite photo of her is a shot of when she was covered with mud after doing some plumbing.  There is a great story behind that picture which demonstrates her commitment to me.”

That’s a creepy sentence.

“I am a preacher of the gospel.  One of my favorite places to preach is in prisons.  I had put in a request to preach at a new prison, but months passed and they did not have any openings.  Then one day the chaplain called and said someone had cancelled and I could come in.  It was an opening that could lead to a weekly time slot. “

So, his favorite place to preach is a place where he literally has a captive audience.  That does not speak well of his preaching skills….

 “I was dressing when I heard my son yell, “The water doesn’t work.”  My wife went outside and looked under the house.  She came in and told me that there was a break in the pipe and water was pouring out.  It was Sunday afternoon and there was no chance of getting a repairman even if we could afford it.  I felt my heart sink.  I knew nothing of repairing plumbing, so I dreaded to even try, and further, I knew if I missed going to the prison this time the probably would not call me again. “

This is an example of what I find most mind-boggling about the CP mindset: Men bring nothing to the table in marriage

 He can’t supply enough money to keep the house in repair, can’t fix the house when it breaks, and is marginally employed.  

 Before reading this book, I assumed – falsely – that women traded economic and relational freedom for a husband with a definite income and traditional “male” skill set.   

Nope.  Women trade economic and relational freedom for ……. lots of dependents including their husband – you know, the family leader.

 “My face must have reflected defeat as I sat on the bed to take off my dress clothes.
I felt my wife step up close to me and lay her hand on my shoulder.  I looked up into her smiling eyes.  As she spoke, her tone was full of encouragement and confidence.  “I can fix the pipe.  You go on to the prison.  I know how much this means to you.”

Good for her that she knows how to plumb.  

Why is this a new piece of information?  They’ve been married long enough to have a talking child – how did her skills with plumbing go under the radar that long?

“Late that afternoon I was energized as I returned from a really wonderful meeting of preaching to a bunch of sinners.  When I pulled into the driveway my wife was just crawling out from under the house, muddy and tired but successful in fixing the plumbing.  My son snapped a photo.”

I’m really curious HOW she fixed the pipe.  Plumbing is tricky.  It requires specific tools and materials.  Did they just happen to have them all lying around?  Did she make a run to a store?  Or a neighbor’s house?

“What kind of woman did God give me?  The very, very best.  She is the most willing servant I could ever imagine.”

Your wife is not an object, toy or a present from God.  Stop talking like she is.

“We have a house full of homeschooled kids, she is a great cook, and she keeps the house clean while always being cheerful.  When I come home from work I feel like a king as she and all the kids crowd around to welcome me.  I could not be the man I am today without her.  Every time I stand to preach I know I am here because of her.  I am free from the burdens of life and the turmoil of stress because she makes sure the household is running smoothly and peacefully.  Without such a wife I would not be a successful preacher.”

What does this guy bring to the marriage?  Absolutely-freaking-nothing.  She runs the house, raises the kids and keeps him carefully wrapped in bubble-wrap so he won’t break.  Kings – especially those anointed by God – are painfully brittle and with smash into a million pieces if life gets hard.

“So am I a wonderful, sacrificing husband? No.  I am distracted with thought, focused on ministry, and probably more selfish than most.  But I am so thankful she does not measure my worth and service to her before she honors and serves me. “

Notice how a rare moment of introspection – “As a husband, I suck!” – leads not to change for him but a back-handed compliment to his wife.

 “Together, we are a team working to honor and serve the Savior.”

Yup.  The Gospels were chocked full of stories about the Apostles and Jesus being waited on hand-and-foot by their wives.  

Oh, wait…

“So what do I think is important in a woman?  A willing heart.”

And an ability to rationalize a lazy, self-absorbed spouse.


You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go… 
Theodor Seuss Geisel
Writer, Cartoonist, Animator

Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | 

Part 7 |  Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13

Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19Part 20

Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 |Part 26 | Part 27

Part 28 | Part 29

Read everything by Mel!

Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide

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  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Debi sure knows how to make the idea of having a husband sound soooooooooo appealing. If she’s not careful, we’re going to have a world full of cat and dog owning single women who never have children and thus can dedicate more of their time to coming up with laws and regulations to rid the world of Debi and Michael types.

  • Independent Thinker

    Michael and Debi constantly proclaim what a success their adult children are yet they can’t afford service call by a local plumber? Jumping to conclusions plumbing is a skilled trade. I wonder how she fixed the pipe. Duct tape? Silicon caulk? Did she turn off the main line into the house? Cut the defective pipe? Then weld in a replacement piece? Speaking from personal experience if I took on the same task as a wife and mom their would probably be a river outside our house the next morning. I also find it interesting the Pearls embrace prison ministry over other types of preaching. I guess when your audience is locked up behind bars the chances of them walking out on a downright nutty sermon significantly decreases.

  • Mel

    The second story is from a minister friend of theirs. In some ways, that scares me more since it sounds like no one in the PearlSphere knows an adult male who actually pulls his own weight.

  • Nea

    without having to take time to pamper her as his weaker vessel … (and) She is the most willing servant I could ever imagine.”

    This gets 10 times creepier when you know that Michael worked Debi into physical collapse within 24 hours of their wedding. He literally broke his weaker vessel – she used those very words in her complaint – and now the only way she has earned his love is to work *harder* in the face of his repeatedly admitted selfishness and incompetence.

  • Nea

    Considering that at least one Pearl child lives without running water, fixing it may mean turning it off.

  • Melody

    How about him saying to her “I can fix the pipe, I know how much it means to you?”

    It is saying (I’ve been overflooded which ideas like this since, well, forever…) my prison work, i.e. Christian preaching/converting people, is more important than mere housework/practical stuff of any kind/money making…. etc. With the men preaching, the women are fixing everything else but as they are not preaching, they are still considered less than.

    I suppose the whole King/Queen doesn’t work together idea is because it means the BOSS, and you can’t have two captains on one ship…. so the queen has to be a leader (for the women/kids) but defer to her leader, the man, whenever he’s present.

  • Saraquill

    If only Michael could have stayed in that prison. Preferably away from the other inmates so they don’t have to hear his garbage.

  • lh

    I’m a card-carrying member of that club. My dog and my cat think I’m awesome.

  • gimpi1

    What woman with an ounce of gumption and half a brain would want a helpless, worthless leach of a husband who expects to be waited on hand and foot, obeyed mindlessly and reverenced for doing exactly nothing? Seriously, if that was what marriage was about, every woman I know would have run from it like it was a rabid dog.

    My egalitarian marriage, where both my husband and I bring in some income, contribute some labor and have equal say in decisions is much more appealing.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    My dog thinks I’m awesome too. My cat died at age 19 at the end of July, she was kind of senile towards the last part of her life, but I like to think she thought I was awesome too, if only because I put the food in her bowl and let her sleep on the dog (the dog likes to be under the covers, so the cat discovered that laying on top of the covers where the dog was made a nice warm cushion to sleep on…) pets are wonderfully easy to make happy. They never talk back, and they don’t give a flying mongoose whether or not you can fix anything in the house or don’t feel like getting all prettied up. As long as you feed them, water them, and give them attention, that’s all they really want.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    When my bathroom sink started to not drain properly and part of the drain assembly broke so the plug had to be removed entirely I went to Home Depot and stalked one of their employees who was helping other people in the plumbing aisle(s) and told him what the problems with the sink were then asked him what I needed to fix it and whether or not he could explain the process in a few steps so that I could do the fixing myself. About 10 minutes later I was waiting at the check stand with a pipe wrench, a new drain assembly, some ‘plumbers tape’, and the few steps on how to fix the sink written down on a couple of post-its. Didn’t have to turn off any water, got it done, still working perfectly a couple of years later and without any new leaking or sudden floods.

    Of course, I could have called a plumber and spent a whole lot more money for 30 minutes of his time, and if it hadn’t been such a simple fix I would have had to but I definitely wouldn’t have attempted it first if it were a more complicated problem. As a side note, with the amount of hair that I pulled out from the p-trap, it’s a wonder how I still have any on my head, but I do. I could have knitted a sweater.

  • BlueVibe

    This doesn’t make much of a case for women being the “weaker vessel”.

  • lodrelhai

    For an outgoing pipe water doesn’t have to be turned off, but an incoming one does. Story specifies that the water wasn’t working and there was a flood under the house, so this was definitely an inbound pipe.

    That said, replacing pipes can be fairly easy, assuming you can get the right parts and the connections are in good shape. We once ended up replacing most of the pipes for the kitchen, laundry room, and one bathroom because when my dad tried to remove the cracked pipe from the sink, the next pipe in the chain split – and then the connection to the pipe after that came off with the pipe, and then the junction to the main line broke, and… well, you get the idea.

  • ConcepcionImmaculadaPantalones

    Oh, I wasn’t trying to claim that the particular task in the story was as easy as the things I’ve learned to do myself around my house, just that it’s possible for someone like myself who had no prior experience or training whatsoever to figure some of it out. When the alternative costs more than a hundred dollars per hour of work by a skilled tradesman in plumbing here in SoCal (some of them will charge over 200/hr depending on what time of day and what day of the week because it’s after-hours emergency work and that’s not even counting how much the supplies and parts cost…)