Tim Bayly Is Tardy To Our Hen Party!

Tim Bayly Is Tardy To Our Hen Party! November 14, 2014

men-of-quality-women-rightsby Suzanne Titkemeyer

Evangelical pastor/blogger Tim Bayly just discovered Vyckie Garrison’s life story and *gasp* is busy clutching his pastoral pearls as he realizes that women are speaking out! Guessing sometimes information outside of the CPM bubble takes a while to trickle down past all those filters woven from old Bible pages.

Women folks! They are speaking out ‘online’ and even worse, ‘in real life’, to the men folks! He can’t understand how Vyckie could possibly have such a problem with God the Father and Christianity in general even after reading all the ways in which her own beliefs harmed her. It must be feminism according to him and his readers/commenters.

He had this to say about the roles of men and women in our culture at his blog Bayly Blog – When you gonna wake up, and strengthen the things that remain?

Because both positions involved intense conflict in defending God’s truth and Christ’s little ones, and I knew women standing up for truth and the protection of children would have a natural advantage on the battlefield for a whole host of reasons all flowing from our living in an effeminate age.

But one night when I was home with the children and my dear wife was out at the committee meeting fighting with women and men, such as the school district superintendent who sat on my session, it hit me that I was fully twisted. It was my job, my calling, my gifting, my honor, and most importantly the duty of my sex to guard the little ones, but here I was comfortable at home with all of them tucked in and sleeping while their mother, my wife, was out doing battle. From then on, it didn’t matter to me how much more effective it would be for my wife and daughters and other omnicompetent women to be the spokesmen for God’s Truth and to fight for the protection of Christ’s little ones. It was not their calling and I was not to save myself and sacrifice them even if people would have a harder time opposing them than me.

Sadly, I think few others learned their mistake and repented of it as I did. So now we have every man thinking he is oh-so-very-smart as he pushes his wife and daughters into law school and onto the diaconate and into the pulpit doing everything but preaching and into the session meeting (of course, strictly in an advisory role) and onto blog forums where they rebuke Mark Driscoll and C. J. Mahaney and Tim Keller and Rob Bell and…

Their husband and father and pastor and elders and…

..and this gem

And so we have women like the one linked above and Rachel Held Evans and Carolyn Custis James and Christian Homeschooling Moms for Feminism engaged politely by timid and effeminate church officers who are living proof of what Elisabeth Elliot (Mrs. Lars Gren) said thirty years ago: “The problem with the church today is that it is filled with a bunch of emasculated men who can’t say ‘no’ to a woman.”

As I said, we have brought it all on ourselves. We thought we were so very smart.

Yes, I will agree that the churches these days seem to be filled with very weak men, but I’m seeing these weak emasculated men being controlling, violent, disrespectful, disparaging, dismissive, and a thousand other negative traits towards their wives, daughters and any woman that doesn’t grovel before them like a serf afraid of a beating.

It’s not just Tim Bayly having such a problem with women standing up to speak about those things that are wrong, poisonous and damaging in the church. His readership thinks this is all the work of the evil feminists. A few interesting selections below.

All of human history prior to the 20th century would have laughed in this woman’s face. The feminist legal system in America uses threats of military violence to abuse men in all the ways described in this article (and many more ways) at the woman’s whim, without requiring any sort of proof whatsoever (notice how she never actually makes any concrete accusations to justify her frivorce). With so much external pressure on a woman to annihilate her husband and family, what hope is there for men to marry?

The focus upon this woman as victim is bigoted. The real victim is the husband whose wife deserted him, and lied to a judge about abuse to kidnap the children. She said so herself in the article. She redefined abuse to suit herself, and the hypocrisy is that she was the driving force behind her lifestyle. In my opinion feminists are often entirely blind to their bigotry.

This is a good post for those of us with daughters to read. The woman’s article itself is piteous. She say, “Because I believed our family had an ENEMY who was determined to steal, kill, and destroy our souls, and the souls of our children, for all eternity!” As the post says, she’s decided that God is her real enemy. It makes me think of sheep hating the walls of the fold that keeps them from cavorting with wolves.

Aww, don’t they just love and respect women sooo much like Christ? /sarcasm. Scamper on back to your CPM enclave where you can all pat yourselves on the backs for calling out the evil evil demonic feminists while your wives make you nice warm cocoa and cookies.


Suzanne Titkemeyer is the editor/admin at No Longer Quivering. NLQ is a website founded by Vyckie Garrison that is dedicated to exposing the harmful theology of the Christian Patriarchy Movement along with supporting those people who have escaped and are now on a journey of healing from spiritual abuse. Normally Suzanne isn’t this sarcastic but Pastor Bayly’s blog shorted out her sarcasm brain/mouth/fingers filter this afternoon so she finds herself ranting while swilling diet cokes plus being surrounded by piles of worried cats. When she’s not pissed off at the more ridiculous parts of the patriarchy she’s busy with her husband, grown kids, various animals, classes she’s taking and various freelance work assignments. That’s when she’s not behaving like the Spawn of Satan (or so the Fundies like to say) She hates Koolaid.

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Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

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  • Nea

    All of human history prior to the 20th century… led to feminism. I’m just sayin’. If Ye Olde Days were so damned perfect, why such a long sustained campaign to fix them?

  • I love the blurb about Suzanne. Just sayin. That’s brilliant writing right there. *salute*

  • Mirella222

    “Women are naturally better suited to protecting God’s little ones, but I will forbid them to do so and instead shoehorn myself into that role because I think women should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen all the time”
    “Feminist evil guv’ment uses military violence to abuse men, but I have no evidence to back this ridiculous claim with”
    “Women should have to have proof that they were really, truly abused before they can get a divorce, because of course you aren’t allowed to divorce unless their is abuse, even if you can no longer stand your partner! Remember, it is better to have a cold, empty marriage than to even consider leaving”
    “Also, I am the only one who gets to define what abuse is (and you can bet that unless someone gets beaten half to death, I won’t consider it abuse, because verbal/emotional/financial abuse don’t exist, sexual abuse can’t happen in a marriage because a wife owes her husband sex, and physical abuse only counts if there are broken bones or damaged internal organs involved – otherwise, it’s just dsicipline!)”

    Wow, I honestly don’t know why any woman would want out of this lifestyle!/snark.

  • B.A.

    That (not your post!) was some of the sickest stuff I’ve read. Thanks for your post. Btw,like your avatar;big Frozen/Idina Menzel fan here.

  • Allison the Great

    I’ve been reading the rest of this guy’s blog, apparently because I’m a glutton for punishment. It’s not at all uncommon for the people who belong to this subculture to obsess over gender roles, but this man seems to do it excessively, if that’s even possible.

    I don’t know why I kept reading his blog, because gender roles and femininity have always hit a particular nerve with me. It was that (among other things) that the fundies used to give me so much shit about. It wasn’t enough for them that I like to wear makeup and get my hair done. It wasn’t enough for them to see that I am not a lesbian. They wanted real femininity which is something that I’m not, apparently. To them, I was always what women are not allowed to be. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome that they finally gave up trying to push femininity on me. I told them I didn’t know what they wanted of me, that gender roles are stupid anyway and to leave me the fuck alone. They finally got the hint. Now it’s “don’t waste your breath, Ally just doesn’t get it”. I’m fine with just not getting it, I don’t think that I want to get it. Desperately trying to cling to one’s gender as if it could be taken away by one small thing is stupid. That’s what this guy’s trying to do, and I will concede that it’s part of the whole gender role bullshit that they’re always forcing on people.
    Tim Bayly is clinging to his gender just like pretty much every other fan of patriarchy is. What he says in his blog is nothing new, but it is worth sharing with the rest of you for the purpose of discussion, and also because it’s all so idiotic that they had me squinting at my laptop thinking really bitch?!?!

    Here’s a few gems:
    From http://baylyblog.com/blog/2014/07/men-who-wont-bear-responsibility-know-how-cry
    And some quotes from this gem:
    “Let me set you straight. The author is quite capable of crying when crying is not a betrayal of his manhood.”

    First of all, crying is nothing but physically showing an emotion. It doesn’t mean that one is any more or any less of the gender that they are, it just means that they are extremely emotional at that time. When I see a person crying (who fucking cares what gender they are) I think that the person is doing exactly that: showing emotion. I hate it when masculinity or femininity is used as a mask to hide all humanity.

    “A magazine read mostly by men that celebrates the public display of feelings by purported males. If they had run that story half a century ago, there would not have been a next issue.”

    It’s okay to show emotion no matter what gender one belongs to. Fifty years ago, people were idiots who did not seem to understand this. So fuck those people.

    Then we move on to this:

    Then we move on, to raising or shall I say forcing your kids to fit into gender stereotypes.
    Here’s the article : http://baylyblog.com/blog/2013/09/raising-sons-and-daughters-love-their-sexual-identity
    And here’s the quote:
    “Most often, though, they’re right and the Christian father or mother who has a tomboy daughter or effeminate son should work to lead that daughter or son into joyfully embracing her womanhood or his manhood”

    This is what really hit a nerve with me, because I spent my entire adolescence having people from school and church try to “lead me into embracing my womanhood”. I was always scolded and humiliated for it when, at the time, I didn’t know that I was doing anything wrong. I was scolded for how I walked, talked, moved. I tried to fit into what they wanted of me and I’d still get harshly “corrected” for it. They never actually told me that this was what they were trying to do. They didn’t say that they were doing this to make me more like a girl. They said things that were insulting and humiliating because they thought it would make me correct myself but I never understood why they saying those things to me, so I never corrected myself. When I didn’t understand why they were calling me out in public, doing the put-downs, they tried to insult my intelligence. Finally, I learned what they had been trying to do, and I was extremely angry. They turned my life into an anxiety-filled nightmare because of their petty obsession with gender.

    I’m glad that Vyckie’s story got to Tim like it did. “Oh how dare a woman even speak!” Hell yeah she should speak out! Women should speak out as much as men do, because staying silent because we have different pee-pees than they do is stupid and we don’t have time for that childish shit. If a man tells you that you can’t do something because you’re a woman, just say “noted” and walk away. Do whatever you were doing before.

  • Allison the Great

    This comment is hilarious for so many reasons.

  • I am sure that a lot of American women are very thankful for your decision.

  • KarenH

    Dear Mr. Bayly: These men you listed “… Mark Driscoll and C. J. Mahaney and Tim Keller and Rob Bell and…” are neither my father, my husband, my brother, my pastor nor elder. Neither are they exempt from criticism and rebuke.

    To whit: they are not God. And I am not obligated to behave as if they are God’s favored Sons. They are men. Deeply flawed men, who hold one tiny, irrelevant and incorrect (imo) perspective on what it means to be Christian. If they are unhappy to find themselves reaping a crop of disdain, ridicule and rebuke, perhaps they should try planting different seeds.

    Sincerely, You are Not The Boss of Me

  • Joy

    American women might be thankful for his decision. I just wish he would boycott Canadian women too!

    On another note: There are a lot of Christian men who feel the same way as he does.

  • Joy

    Pretty sure Mark Driscoll would not be happy about being on the same list as Rob Bell for any reason!

  • He doesn’t even have his history straight. First Wave feminism in this country began in the first half of the nineteenth century, not the 20th. The Seneca Falls Convention was in 1848. Abolitionism and feminism went pretty much hand in hand, so I imagine he would have been on the wrong side of both issues back in the day, too.

  • KarenH

    Bless your heart.

  • KarenH

    I take great pride in disclaiming any responsibility for putting them on the same list–I was just quoting the good Mr. Bayly 🙂

  • KarenH

    So if one takes his boycott to its logical conclusion, the AlphaMale intends to only father sons. OR…he plans to move outside the country for each birth, thus ensuring his own daughters will have a chance at marriage.

  • A list of pastors whose churches are named Mars Hill?

  • Allison the Great

    Yeah, there are. Because foreign women are easier to control. These men are bringing them into a culture that their new wives are not familiar with. They’re using that man as their guide until they know better. I read this man’s blog and it reads like that of an angry teenager who can’t get the cheerleader of his choice to go out with him so he’s resorted to this boycott to “teach American sluts a lesson”. In his comment above he talks about American women getting fat, and in a post on his blog he says that we all look like dykes. Then in another post on his blog he says that the standards of American women are too high. Most of the posts on his blog are about how “hot” non-American women are. So my take-away from this is that he’s not physically attractive nor is he cultured or interesting but he thinks he’s entitled to a woman who is all of those things.

  • He say both
    a) the standards American women have in men are too high
    b) American women are too unchaste?

    Do American women pair up with too few men, or too many?

    But the clearest red flag is “steal half of your money in the divorce courts”. Some things he say can be said by an inexperienced-with-women guy listening to the wrong people. But if he don’t notice that married people jointly own the property and dividing it at separation is logical; if he sees all as his and everything about him, his heart is not suited to be anybody’s partner.

  • Allison the Great

    The man has absolutely no clue what he is talking about.

    This is an exempt from his blog post about how 50-year-old non-American women are like soooooooo much better than American 50-year-old women. Like seriously bro:

    EDITOR’s (John Doe) Note: Funny how you mention low levels of self awareness. I agree fully, American women are autistic as hell and because it’s a woman’s nature to project, they project their own autism onto everyone else. Most American women are simply toxic people who should be avoided. (End Note)

    What the fuck does that even mean?!?! Everyone on the Autism Spectrum wants to know how we can project our Autism on to someone else. I didn’t know that we had that skill. Does he mean that American 50-year-old women can’t read facial expressions? That they can’t take hints from social cues? Control the volume of their voices? My experiences with 50-year-old American women (my own mother being one) is that they are very adept at doing all of these things. This guy is a fucking moron. Why the fuck did he think it was a good job to try and advertise his shit site here of all places? Troll much?

  • He mentions “autistic” in one sentence with “nature to project”?
    Projecting is to believe everyone is like you. Autistics do not believe everyone is like them.
    He also mentions it with “simply toxic people”? Autistics have a no bigger chance to be toxic than anyone else. Autistics are simply people who express their caring in different ways from other people, so that neurotypicals often make the mistake of noticing only the kind of things they themselves will do but the autistic does not.
    I think he confuses “autism” and “egotism.”

  • Aw. No quotes from Camille or Carmella. I’m bummed. Isn’t that the name of their female sycophant?

  • Allison the Great

    Ah, now I see what he’s getting at. There have been people who have accused me of being egotistic when I simply didn’t read whatever they were trying to non-verbally convey. There have been situations when I’ve tried to have a conversation with someone who was upset, and they accused me of not caring that they were upset. They were showing this in their body language which is something that I didn’t pick up on.

    Most of us are quite the opposite of what this man thinks we are. Our problem lies with all that is non-verbal.We can go by what is said, and we have trouble with everything else. Going by what people say is another thing that can lead to trouble, because people lie.

  • persephone

    He’s another sour apples dude like Vaughn Ohlman? Losers.

  • persephone

    You’re throwin’ shade like a pro.

  • Astrin Ymris

    I feel all women should boycott dating and marrying men who refuse to accept gender equality.

  • Allison the Great

    I hope even the foreign ladies boycott this clown. I hope he won’t even be able to get a mail order bride.

  • Jenny Islander

    I read stuff like this and I think of the mail-order brides I know in my community, who walked into the situation with their homework done and often with a local expat/guest worker network already in place thanks to the World Wide Web. One flat-out told the judge that she had come to the States planning to start a business and if her husband was upset that she ordered takeout with the income from her business instead of cooking his meals from scratch and being on call all the time, she would take her income and leave. Which she did.

    I supposed a Pearlesque ass of a man could keep a foreign-born wife isolated and frightened, but in general it isn’t as easy as it used to be.

  • I agree wholeheartedly. And thus, once I’m able to get myself free of the mess I’m already in, I will NOT consider any man who does not actively embrace the idea that I am a full human being, capable of being more than his mommy, his pharmacist, his cook, and his maid.

    Dear Arceus, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this much HOPE in my life!

  • Nea

    “A magazine read mostly by men that celebrates the public display of feelings by purported males. If they had run that story half a century ago, there would not have been a next issue.”

    100 years ago, nobody would even notice anything strange about men showing feelings. Read the Sherlock Holmes stories sometime, see how often they talk about men weeping or holding hands or the depth of their friendship.

  • Brennan

    MRAs are so funny when they’re mad.

  • Trollface McGee

    Dudebro appears to be a spammer, saw the same thing on a bunch of other patheos blogs.
    That said, please boycott American women, we’d appreciate it.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I noticed that when I looked at his comment on the moderation page. At least a quarter of his comments had been deleted as spam and many others flagged as inappropriate. Way to go about making friends, dude.

  • Astrin Ymris


    Good for you! ;-D

  • Astrin Ymris

    I hope Jenny Islander is right about mail order brides being savvy enough to avoid abuse.

    But I’m worried about the Southeast Asian ones, who have less education. Based on Alpha.Male’s website’s articles praising Indian and Oriental women, I’m worried that this is where he’s looking. Since women are at the mercy of the marriage agency to provide accurate translations– and since dudebros often describe themselves as “nice guys”– I find myself anxious that a naive woman could walk into an abuser’s clutches and lack the resources to escape.

  • Anonyme

    “where they rebuke Mark Driscoll and C. J. Mahaney and Tim Keller and Rob Bell…”

    Yes, I’ll gladly rebuke anyone who calls women “penis homes” (Driscoll). I haven’t heard of the last two but I’m sure they’re also sexist asses…

  • B.A.

    Heart? What heart? He doesn’t have one.

  • B.A.

    Can his comments be removed? Or is that violation of free speech?

  • teaisbetterthanthis

    Considering that one was in a “resign-or-be-removed” position due to (alleged) abuse of power and plagiarism and possibly fraud, several others handwaved various abuses, and the latter resigned because he felt that his pastoring career was becoming more about him than God and was taking a lot of heat about his theology…

    Yeah, I can see why Rob Bell doesn’t fit on that list.

    (Obviously, we don’t know the WHOLE story; there could be more to Rob Bell’s situation than has been advertised. I may have missed an article or two, as well, but from what I’ve read…He’s in a different category.)

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I like Rob Bell. He’s very different than the rest of them. Mainstream and fundie Christians tend to really dislike him.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Disqus marked him as spam suddenly and removed his comments. Did nothing on this end. Someone must have turned him in as a spammer on one of the other 400 sites he posted the exact same thing.

  • Joy

    It just goes to show that Mr. Bayly isn’t familiar with all of them. I wasn’t blaming you or intending to insult you in any way 🙂

  • Thank you!!! Sometimes the Internet can be Awesome, ya know?

  • Allison the Great

    So he posted here randomly? Holy shit talk about irony!

  • KarenH

    I didn’t think you were 🙂 We’re good.

  • That is really a coincidence. I thought he was a Tim Bayly type that doesn’t mention God, thinking Vyckie’s divorce like most “American women” divorcing.

  • Nicole

    Maybe he meant caustic?

  • MizzKittay

    I really like this comment. I used to climb trees. Like really climb trees, like just as good as the boys climbed trees. A few mothers spoke to me about it or at least tried to. Don’t let em change who ya are!!! I still climbed trees better than the boys did and I’m sure I gave a few of them inferiority complexes to go with it. Which means you bet I teased the boys who couldn’t go higher than me! Wonder what the CPM would say about that. Fuck it, who cares. Keep on climbing! I think your wonderful just the way you are DD.