by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide
Today, we get to learn about Grabbers – a term Debi dropped in about 30 pages ago without a definition.
In order to teach balance, I have divided girls into three kinds: Grabbers, Hidden Flowers, and Princesses. This is not a biblical categorization like the three types we discussed earlier, but it is very representative description of today’s girls. I think the categories will help you gain a picture of what you want to become and what you need to avoid.
Thank you, Debi, for not trying to make these pretend categories “Biblical.”
Grabbers are girls who go out hunting guys, latching onto the arms of any possibility. The problem is that the good guys will look down on girls who come on to them. Some girls are such renowned Grabbers that they hang on any arm that doesn’t already have a swinger on it.
Does Debi know what “swinger” or “grabber” means? Between gratuitous use of the phrase “Place it in your Treasure Chest” (which I left out, but she uses in the homework section of each chapter) and these new ones, I’m starting to think Debi needs a refresher on sexual slang.
No one really knows if they have a special boyfriend; they are just ‘boy-crazy’. There are plenty of guys who will welcome the attention and the good time, but they won’t value what is cheaply given.
Perhaps the girls (and guys) are simply having a good time together. As long as everyone is clear on relationships – or non-relationships – most people will have fun, casual, romantic relationships without being scarred.
The good guys looking on will disregard Miss Hanger-On as a possible mother of their future children even if they welcome her attention and flirt back. If her actions are not wifely and motherly now, why expect her to be different in the future? “The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil” (Proverbs 31:11). This girl is destroying her marriage before it happens.
People change over time, Debi. I wasn’t particularly “wifely” when I was 18. I am “wifely” now.
Some guys, even good ones, like getting their male ego tickled, but when you are married to a guy that you managed to snag this way, you’ll be left wondering if he likes come-on females after he is married.
Ah, true Pearlian logic. Men are blinded by sexuality that they can’t possibly see through a flirty girl and are completely unable to resist attractive women after marriage – but they are still the leader.
[Kingly Man: Yes, he does. You can state that emphatically. If he married a girl that got his attention through constant flirting and flaunting her body, various girls will continue to get his attention that way after he’s married. The biggest problem with being a “Grabber” is that practically guarantees you’re going to marry the wrong kind of guy – and that will probably become more of an even more acute problem 25 years later when you don’t have a 20-year-old body anymore and lots of other girls out their do.]
Kingly Twerp, let me give you a tip: A 50-year-old married man with a houseful of children living in grinding poverty who leers at 20-year-old women is unattractive as hell. He’s also very likely to end up with a horrible divorce settlement.
That’s a real problem. As a young wife, you will be in a constant state of jealousy, so shun being a Grabber.
Even if a Grabber doesn’t literally hang on a man’s arm, a man will recognize the Grabber’s intent of grabbing at the relationship. An example of this would be the girls who approached my husband Michael, telling him they knew God had told him they knew he was to be their husband. That is a spiritual Grabber.
Debi, you MARRIED Mike. Stop being so jealous of the other girls he dated. After more than 40 years, that kind of jealousy is pathological.
(Does asking a guy to marry you count as a Grabber?)
[Kingly Man: I know if any girl had come to me and asserted God told her I was to marry me, I can promise you I wouldn’t. I’d be seeking the fastest route away from the crazy and/or grabby girl. On a fundamental level, I don’t think any man wants to be married to a self-proclaimed prophetess.]
That’s the first sane thing Kingly Twerp has said. For the record, I don’t think any woman wants to be married to a self-proclaimed prophet either.
AntiPearl:Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.
Henry Van Dyke
Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide