by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids Collide
Debi has explained two ways to end up miserable – chase boys and marry a pervert; live too sheltered a life and never get married.
Now she explains how to catch a guy without catching a guy….
A Princess will not be a come-on, neither will she stay hidden. She will be busy, productive, and her life will have purpose, and her purpose will not be just to get married.
Based on the previous stories, Debi’s definition of “come-on” is known as flirting in mainstream society.
The basic idea of having a fun, satisfying life outside of a man is solid.
When a man is looking for a help meet, he will notice girls who are busy helping. A girl who is enthusiastically involved in projects and activities exudes an energy that makes her attractive. A young man of energy and vision who plans on conquering a little portion of the world and making a difference is going to find a partner who is already engaged in the same. He is not going to want to marry a liability, a high maintenance wall hanging. When he sees you aggressively helping at church, in camps, at home, friends, etc. he will take notice.
The unspoken assumption here is that young men pick out wives with the same level of detached, logical thought used in deciding which flooring option is best for a house.
Of course, Debi’s already stated that young men can be attracted to and marry a “Grabber” so the message is getting a bit muddied.
So become busy workers. When you work with children, your motherly skills will be noted. Offer to cook for church meetings. Smart girls will take charge of the clean-up routine, demonstrating a true servant’s heart and a go-to personality. People will talk about good food and who prepared it. Everybody appreciates hard work and a good attitude.
Perhaps I’m cynical, but this sounds to me like a rationale for foisting all of the boring jobs at church off on to young adults while preventing them from actually being involved in the church meetings. Is Debi that worried about a young adult rebellion in her church? Hmm…..
Men not only listen, they watch. All men appreciate women that are joyful, cheerful and entertaining. A too-sober girl, a girl that has a slightly cautious air tinged with just a touch of critical attitude, will be passed over. All men are repelled by self-righteous women. It is a common fault that seems to overcome even the sweetest girls once they are married. If your countenance as a single girl suggests even a hint of thinking yourself “wiser” and more “spiritual”, you will most likely stay a single girl. So if you feel your mind drifting into self-promoting piousness, relax, kick yourself, and put on a smile. You can read more about this subject in my book Created to Be His Help Meet, in the chapter on Jezebel.
This is some extremely flawed and dangerous advice. For years, I tried to deal with depression and anxiety by pretending to be happy, cheerful, entertaining, etc.
It doesn’t work. I was miserable.
Starting a life-long relationship by pretending to be happy and cheerful and funny all the time is DATING. Debi is rehashing all the same advice people can find on any dating help website.
The difference is that in dating relationships that are leading to long-term relationships, the people open up to each other slowly over time. The couple forms an emotional bond based on trust and respect.
I have grave concerns that Debi et al.’s views on what makes a woman attractive – be happy! work hard! don’t complain! – is destroying more women than it is helping.
[Visionary Guy: Good guys tend to be busy and don’t have time to stick around and get to know what a ‘sweet’ girl someone is behind their shyness or composed reservation. Make a good first impression, make an effort to show on the outside what’s inside. It doesn’t matter what kind of person you think you are. It matters what you do. People are known by their doings. (Pro. 20:13)]
Quick! Everyone recite Proverbs 20:13!
Why is it so quiet all of the sudden? Doesn’t everyone have the Book of Proverbs memorized?
Well, I don’t.
I’ve spent more time looking up random verses from Proverbs since I started reading this dratted book than I have ever before and I wondered how much of the Book of Proverbs made it into the Catholic Lectionary.
Best case scenario: 47 verses or 5.7% (Sundays + Weekdays readings combined.)
More likely scenario: 24 verses or 2.6% (Sunday and Major Feast Dates only).
For contrast: The Gospel of Matthew is 85% read in the best case and 55.5% in the average scenario.
It’s like the Church decided that the Gospels were more important than Proverbs….
And yet, the Pearls have quoted the Gospel once. One time in the whole book so far.
Proverbs 20:13 is “Do not love sleep, or else you will come to poverty; open your eyes, and you will have plenty of bread.” That has nothing to do with dating or marriage. I don’t know why he quoted this.
AntiPearl: Personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Mel is a science teacher who works with at-risk teens and lives on a dairy farm with her husband. She blogs at When Cows and Kids Collide